


As You Make Your Bed, So You Must Lie On It

by Falka_tyan



Series: Falka-tyan's Kinktober 2019 [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Decisions, Caretaking, Chastity Device, Cock Cages, Corporal Punishment, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Discipline, Dom/sub Undertones, Edging, Figging, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Insecurity, Jealous Shiro (Voltron), Jealousy, Kinktober, Kinktober 2019, Lack of Communication, Light Angst, Loneliness, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Moving, Mutual Pining, Orgasm Control, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Overstimulation, Paddling, Past Relationship(s), Requited Unrequited Love, Rope Bondage, Self-Doubt, Spanking, burnout at work, kidnapping fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:46:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 73,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21536185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Falka_tyan/pseuds/Falka_tyan
Summary: Keith has a boyfriend. Sort of?He doesn't know for sure what they are to each other and is too afraid to ask. But gosh, does he want to stay with this person!Shiro is dating a guy seven years younger than him. He is completely smitten but is oh-so-sure that this relationship won't last. He doesn't ask a thing, too scared to ruin what he has now.This guy, though? There's little Shiro wouldn't do to tie him to himself.
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Series: Falka-tyan's Kinktober 2019 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1552123
Comments: 139
Kudos: 168
Collections: Kinktober 2019





	1. And They Were Cuddling

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, dear readers!
> 
> This is the third and last prompt for Kinktober 2019 I received from a person on Twitter. The prompt suggested writing Keith at the start of his lock-up experience: how he gets locked, and Shiro is teasing him mercilessly for some time until giving him a release in the form of a caged prostate milking. That's what I had in mind when I started writing.
> 
> I ended up writing a short piece I liked, so I decided to make it a multi-chaptered fic so that I can continue writing equally short additions later. I tried to follow the idea of the prompt but, as you know, once a Sheith couple comes to life, they basically do whatever in my works!
> 
> In this AU, Shiro is about 30 and Keith is about 23. Their relationship is not healthy in some aspects.  
> Asimi, dear, if you're reading, you should know, this work may be triggering for you.  
> Upd. 30.11.19: Just a heads-up: this fic is going to consist of bitter resentment, angst, painful feels, and selfish decisions. Sheith here are not a happy, healthy couple we all want them to be.  
> Upd. 27.09.2020: OMG this fic is almost one year old! It ends up happily, you guys!
> 
> With that, have a happy reading!  
> (what is with me and these giant-ass notes my works, huh)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it goes!  
> Chapters will alternate between Keith's and Shiro's POVs.
> 
> Here - Keith's POV.

Keith doesn’t lie when he says that Shiro is the first man in his life. Weird as it is, Shiro is his first in many things: his first big crush, his first sex-partner, the first person Keith thought he wants to wake up to every morning.  
Why Shiro still doubts him, is beyond Keith. He’d proven himself, hadn’t he? Or does it take more time to build trust between people? Keith wouldn’t know. It’s his first long-term relationship. He can only follow Shiro’s lead here.

Keith is also unsure where they stand.

  
They don’t talk about feelings much, if at all. One night, Shiro just told him: “How about we stay exclusive until it gets boring?”, and this was it. The next evening, Keith brought a change of clothes to Shiro’s flat. It’s been five months since then. Now, Keith barely visits his own rented apartment. He thinks Lance may forget about his existence at times.  
Keith often forgets about Lance, too, so they’re even. They were mostly ignoring each other or arguing over petty stuff while Keith lived there, anyway. It doesn’t really matter right now when Keith doesn’t remember anything but his Shiro.

The 7-years age difference doesn’t feel like an obstacle anymore. Honestly, Keith wasn’t bothered by it from the start - Shiro was. Ever-responsible, Shiro must have thought that it was unfair to Keith that he is such an “old man”, or whatever he calls himself in that genius head of his. Shiro never said it outright, but he used to joke about Keith finding someone younger than him, someone whose hair is not grey by thirty and who doesn’t have to use an arm prosthetic. Keith hated those jokes with passion - he didn’t even know how to react! He is so glad Shiro stopped.

To Keith, a life with Shiro in it is the opposite of boring. The worst thing is, Keith has no idea how to ensure that it stays this way.

He expects a change in Shiro's demeanour any time, but when it happens, it defeats all Keith's expectations.

One evening, they’re cuddling in bed after the sexy times, Shiro spooning Keith. Everything is mellow and warm, unhurried, until Shiro starts whispering into Keith's ear, his voice low and husky. Immediately, all Keith's senses are on high alert: Shiro is speaking!

“Sometimes, I wish I could lock you up and keep you here forever, baby. Maybe I'd shackle you to the floor with a long chain, or tie you to the bed with ropes so that you can’t run away even if you really wanted to”.

It’s dark, and heavy, and filled with such possessive, violent notes, that Keith shivers. He tries to turn in Shiro’s hold to face him, but Shiro won’t let him. Instead, Shiro’s grip around Keith’s middle tightens, making it unable to move. Just like that, Shiro has Keith panting with need. Keith is so easy for Shiro, it’s ridiculous.

  
“Oh, yeah?” - breathes Keith out, trying (and failing) to sound unaffected. - “Gonna keep me all to yourself?”

  
“That’s right, boy,” - confirms Shiro with such certainty, that Keith wants to mewl and writhe from the sparkling arousal that curses through his body.

  
“I’d teach you how to be good for me,” - continues Shiro’s velvety whisper. - “Gonna teach you how to only come from my cock. Gonna teach you to keep your naughty hands off your pretty little dick because it’s mine and mine only.” - Shiro pauses, and asks in a lighter, less commanding tone: “Do you want that, baby?”

  
In Shiro’s arms, Keith pants and trembles. It takes him several seconds to remember how to talk and a few more - to reply. His: “Yeah...” comes out as a moan.

Shiro hums, pleased, and caresses Keith’s sweaty neck with his metal fingers.

“Gonna be such a good boy for me. Gonna let me stuff your hole as full as I want, won’t you, dear?”  
Keith whines, unable to form words already.

“And if you misbehave, - here Shiro pauses dramatically, making Keith hold his breath, - I’m gonna give you lessons in obedience. What would be worse for you: an enema or a ginger stick up your ass?”

  
Keith imagines both and realises that he doesn’t care for an enema at all, but ginger makes his buttcheeks clench in trepidation.

  
“Ginger,” - he mutters.

  
“Good boy, - murmurs Shiro affectionately, - Then ginger it is.”

  
Keith’s dick is fully hard, and it hurts a little. He's started to think they’d go for round two but Shiro doesn’t make a move in that direction, and Keith is too embarrassed to ask for relief. Shiro’s hard, as well, at least: his cock is positioned tantalisingly close to where Keith wants it. A little movement on Shiro's part, and it'd be rubbing between Keith's freshly washed ass-cheeks. But no: it just stays in one place, full, taunting, daring Keith to try something reckless.

  
Keith is used to Shiro's non-verbal language in bed. He knows for sure that Shiro wants him to stay still. Not that he'd be able to do something Shiro doesn't allow: Shiro can hold him down with one arm easily (if that's not a turn-on, Keith doesn't know what is.)

In any case, Keith could have tried - but alas, he is not in the mood to act out today.

(Keith had been spanked over Shiro's knee three times: two for leaving a mess in the living room and one - for being late for dinner. He'd love to repeat it one day but, preferably, on weekend: his butt needs time to heal.)

It’s humiliating, to lie there with a raging erection and do nothing: not to try to rub his dick on the sheets or to press back onto Shiro’s member. Keith wants to come so bad! Shiro never made him wait like that before...

At the same time, he wants to live out Shiro’s fantasy, and this wish wins out.

  
Keith stays put and even manages to fall asleep, held securely by Shiro and, unexpectedly for himself, imagining how Shiro would slap his cock and balls while looking Keith in the eyes and asking who he belongs to.

  
The last thing Keith thinks about before sleep claims him is that he can bet Shiro would approve of his sleepy ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you say, wanna know how they handle it? Subscribe, then!))
> 
> I want to congratulate myself on finishing with the prompts (I know there will be more chapters but posting this means I'm almost there!)


	2. He Cried At Night But No One Came

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro can't fathom what to do in his situation.  
> His unrequited crush on Keith who was supposed to stay a casual sex partner ruins his life.
> 
> It's not hard to make matters even worse. Not hard at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dears!
> 
> Angst Train Arrived!
> 
> Watch the updated tags!  
> Self-doubt and negative thoughts! Self-disgust! Idiocy! Lack of communication!  
> Seriously, Shiro is being mean and egoistic. Not a good boy.
> 
> Also, if I ever complain about pining Sheith in someone else's comments later... Just call me out on my bullshit.
> 
> Let's start, though.
> 
> Written in Shiro's POV.

Shiro knows that his obsession with Keith isn’t normal.

Keith is all he thinks about lately, it seems.

He wakes up and, first thing in the morning, checks whether Keith is in his bed or not. If it turns out that Shiro is in bed alone, he tunes in with the sounds of the flat - usually, only to realise that yes, he’s alone. Out of the two of them, Shiro is the early riser, so, if Keith is not by his side, it means he didn’t stay the night. It’s just that it’s a reflex by now: to look for Keith before Shiro even tries to remember the day before and where Keith was supposed to be sleeping. It’s the priority. It’s a detail that can determine whether it’s going to be a good day or a moderately miserable one.

Shiro is not proud of what his life had turned into.

After it becomes evident that he won’t get even a glimpse at Keith before he has to go about his day, Shiro takes his phone to take a look at his chat with Keith and Keith’s Twitter. It rarely brings any outcome: Keith texts once a week when he needs Shiro to buy milk or cereal while Keith’s tweets happen about once a month and differ from: “How much food can an adult corgi consume?” and “This street lantern looks like an iron caterpillar” to: “woke up feeling useless life’s fucked up”. Shiro sometimes scrolls down for a while trying to find a pattern in Keith’s chaos. It only gets him depressed but it’s better than to stay alone with his head when he misses Keith something fierce.

Next step is actually messaging Keith. It’s a tricky business. With so much to say and so few reasons to burden Keith with his bullshit at all, Shiro tries to restrain himself and not message Keith more often than twice a day. It’s not an easy task. Luckily, Keith’s responses are usually short and on-point; nothing to dwell on. It doesn’t stop Shiro from rereading each one twice.

Shiro’s day continues in a similar pattern. His head stays in the clouds, his hands do things on autopilot. He awakens to the world when there’s no way to cut off the white noise and deals with whoever and whatever arose him. Shiro knows he’ll undo all his own hard work from before if he continues like that. He is aware. He simply can’t make himself care enough.

In the evening, Shiro either sees Keith again and unwinds or never stops spiralling until Keith emerges.

Only rarely is Shiro able to fall asleep on the second night of Keith’s absence. These nights are the worst; the illusion that Keith is already gone forever gets all too persistent. Shiro usually ends up sitting in the kitchen and smoking. That’s the only times he resorts to using cigarettes as a distraction; Shiro makes sure to destroy all the leftovers from his nightly crimes and air the rooms excessively.

Then, the next day comes, and Keith returns, all sharp angles and righteous fury concealed under the disguise of an ordinary office worker. He throws his bag into a corner, washes his hands and face from the imaginary “street dust”, and absolutely crushes Shiro with a thoughtless comment or a cheeky smile.

This is when Shiro is the happiest; this is when he is at peace with himself and the world. This is what he thinks he’ll miss the worst when Keith will leave him one day.

While Shiro struggles to act decently around Keith, his imagination runs wild. In his mind’s eye, he saw Keith in about every compromising position known to mankind. It’s virtually impossible to put a leash on his darker desires at this point; Shiro is too exhausted by his fight with his love for Keith to keep those in check as well.

Shiro despises himself but can’t break this routine.

He’s doing it all backwards.

He expects to be punished for it at any moment.

He dreads it. He wants to make it right. He doesn’t know how.

  
  


It’s so out of control that when one of his possessive fantasies leaks out one night, Shiro is sure that this is the end. He waits for Keith to freak out and tell Shiro to shove his trashy ideas back where he got them, then leave. 

Neither of those things happens.

Instead, Shiro finds himself with an armful of writhing, horny Keith that would gladly do as Shiro says. All Shiro’s willpower goes into not turning Keith on his belly and fucking into him without restraint. He’s so aroused that he’s actually afraid he could hurt Keith.

Shiro resists the temptation with all he has, though it’s hard. Oh-so-hard. Keith is still pliant from their fucking earlier. He’d only have to slick up his cock and slide home. Make sure Keith is sore the next day. Sore, fucked-out and aware who he belongs to at all times…

Shiro ends up torturing both Keith and himself simultaneously. Despite it, his poor lover manages to fall asleep. Shiro is not so lucky. He winds up stalking to the bathroom and fucking his fist furiously, pretending it’s Keith’s ass.

Later, he sits on the edge of the bed and watches Keith sleep. It’s the least creepy thing he’d done today. What a way to live.

He didn’t expect that a hook-up after a rock-concert would turn into something regular. He didn’t expect that he would fall in love with the boy he started fucking for pure physical relief. He didn’t expect the boy to not get bored with Shiro by the end of their second meeting. He had been unable to predict any of it.

When Shiro offered Keith to become exclusive, he thought he’d get laughed at. Instead, Keith agreed easily, something akin to surprised awe pooling in his violet eyes. Keith hid the emotion quickly, so Shiro isn’t even sure he didn’t dream it.

In the morning, there are no stilted silences. There’s no awkwardness between them. Shiro feels relieved and wants to shout from frustration at the same time.

  
  


Two days come and go, hectic and stressful for both of them.

There’s not much interaction between Keith and Shiro outside of cursing their respective jobs and complaining about universal human idiocy.

This day had been much better. The evening, if Shiro is being precise.

Keith had been still too tired to fuck, but he gave Shiro something even better. Keith crawled onto Shiro’s couch and curled up at Shiro’s side. He fell asleep there, as if it was nothing, absolutely unaware that Shiro abandoned his nerdy TV-show in favour of watching him nap. All evening, Shiro sat there silently, trying to preserve this moment in his memory.

Shiro ruined his own fun in the end by imagining all the different ways of how his confession to Keith could go wrong in different scenarios. He turned his brain inside out but couldn’t think of any situation where Keith would choose to stay with Shiro instead of leaving him for good.

Shiro woke Keith up when it was time for him to go to bed properly. Then, he made sure that Keith is snoring peacefully before fleeing the bedroom.

After standing motionless in the middle of the living room for who knows how long, Shiro dragged himself to the kitchen. There, he sat at the table, his head in his hands, and had to try hard not to cry. The desperation that mounted and mounted over the course of 5 months, crescendoed and left Shiro short of breath.

The thing is, Shiro isn’t sure how long he can take it anymore. He can’t stay in this limbo forever. What other choice does he have, though? He will break without Keith. He won’t be able to go on alone anymore. He can’t initiate a Talk that will surely cause a disaster. He can’t.

Shiro giggles hysterically. He made this mess. He’d done everything to not include Keith in his life, trying to save his heart from shattering later.

He didn’t tell his friends about Keith. They all live in another city now which means they won’t hold Shiro accountable for his poor life choices (which is, actually, a bad thing but Shiro won't admit it).

He didn’t talk to his colleagues about Keith either - he doesn’t talk about his private life at work at all. Why would he? A relatively young, successful manager, he isn’t close to any of his subordinates or people of the same standing in the company. It just so happened. When asked, Shiro resorts to half-truths. He is aware that there are bets going on: will Shiro date this girl or that one? Maybe, his gay colleague Rick? Is he an ace? Is he, maybe, impotent? What a shame, such a problem at his age! (Seriously, Shiro overheard the last bit in a conversation at the cafeteria; he doesn’t make it up.)

And even if he were more open about such matters with his coworkers, what would he say? “I fuck a guy 7 years younger?” Or perhaps: “I’m in love with a guy but he doesn’t feel the same, please, show me some pity”?

Pathetic.

At 2 am, Shiro leaves the flat and goes to his usual BDSM-club. He gets drunk at the bar and tells the story of his life to a scantily dressed girl who is willing to listen. The girl looks at him with concern and repeats: “Tell him. You’ll see, it’s not that bad.” Shiro doesn’t believe her.

  
  
  


Shiro doesn’t know how he gets home after, only that he wakes up in the shower, and the water falling from above is  _ cold _ . A very displeased Keith is standing next to the shower unit and scolding Shiro with abandon. After Shiro apologises, Keith strolls out of the bathroom with a huff and then proceeds to make angry noises in the kitchen, presumably cooking breakfast. 

Shiro scrubs himself down, wrecking his head over what he did and what he drank.

His head hurts. He feels like shit. 

A stray thought emerges in his head and makes everything ten times worse: Keith is still in his flat today but Shiro’s impromptu adventures may become the last straw. Anything may, really. And then, he’ll leave for good.

Shiro can’t handle the imagery - not in his current condition.

He slides down the tiled wall and weeps, muffling his sobs in his knees, until the ache in his head becomes more unbearable than the need to cry. Then, he washes his face, dries himself and comes out, pretending to be simply hangover and not broken.

If Keith suspects anything, he doesn’t voice it.

Shiro calls in sick to work that morning.

When the next day arrives, Shiro feels good enough to apologize to Keith properly. Keith accepts the apology with a smile and finally tells Shiro his end of the story. Shiro learns that he’d been brought to their doorstep by some girl in a flimsy dress (his kind acquaintance from the bar?) and a muscular woman in black leather (who was dragging the most of Shiro’s weight). Keith says the girl looked him over with a weird expression but said nothing. Keith even offered them tea, but the strangers refused and vanished into the night. 

Shiro feels his ears burn from embarrassment. He’s a disastrous human being who burdens other people with his problems. He doesn’t even have a way to contact either of the women and thank them now. Well, it’s just another thing he could’ve done better. Won’t be the first, won’t be the last.

  
  


When Keith brings home the ropes and shyly offers Shiro to do the tying part of his fantasy, Shiro doesn’t let himself overthink it and simply agrees. It’s a Friday, conveniently, so there’s nowhere they need to be tomorrow. It’s a good way to spice up their sex life.

Just a thing Keith wants to try.

Just that.

  
  


Shiro decides to keep it uncomplicated for their first time.

He ties up Keith’s arms in front of him so that he doesn’t tire and then binds his legs together. He starts tying a blindfold around Keith’s head but Keith asks him not to, so Shiro leaves it be. 

Shiro teases and edges Keith for so long that even the slightest caress on Keith’s overworked cock makes Keith keen and try to shrink away. Throughout it all, Keith doesn’t utter a word of complaint. He doesn’t even make many noises, at first. When after a while Keith’s starts huffing, panting, whimpering… It seems not enough for Shiro.

Deep inside, Shiro wants Keith to admit that he’s fully in Shiro’s power, wants him to accept it, to like it... Shiro wants to hear Keith beg, only to refuse to grant his wishes.

Shiro doesn’t say any of it aloud.

What would be enough? Shiro couldn’t articulate it if he tried.

Shiro pauses his ministrations when a steady stream of precome is running down Keith’s shaft and his hips can’t stop their little abortive thrusts. Keith’s eyes are shut and there are tear-streaks on his face. He’s mesmerizing.

And he’s fully under Shiro’s control. 

But - and that’s what spoils it - Shiro knows that even if he owns a part of Keith at the moment, it’s only for today, only for a few hours. It’s not enough. It’ll never be enough.

There’s one thing that may help Shiro feel better.

Shiro unties Keith’s legs and puts him on his hands and knees, intending to fuck him raw. He turns the preparation into another torture for Keith’s overstimulated body, teasing his prostate until Keith’s heaving breaths start hitching on sobs. Shiro makes himself stop and let Keith breathe. His head is spinning.

When Shiro finally puts his cock at Keith’s entrance, Keith says his first words of the evening.

“Please… - begs Keith, sounding gone. - My cock, Shiro, please… I need to…”

“Sh-sh, - whispers Shiro, kissing Keith’s sweaty back and shoulders. He doesn’t know where this tender cruelty comes from and doesn’t care. - I decide what you need, baby boy, remember?”

At that, Keith starts crying, for real, and Shiro fucks him through it.

Shiro finishes quickly - unsurprising after he’d spent so long watching Keith come undone.

Then, Shiro unties Keith’s arms - and Keith just lies limply on his side, shuddering with residual sobs. He’s not trying to touch himself or even wipe his damp cheeks. Shiro doesn’t know what possesses him to plaster himself at Keith’s back and start preaching his bullshit again:

“You did so well for me, baby, behaved so well. I’m so proud of you. You took everything I gave you. So beautiful, Keith. Gonna reward you tomorrow. Gonna make you feel so good...”

Shiro is aware he’s blabbering. He’s aware that Keith can barely hear him, so out of it he still is. But that’s better than accidentally telling Keith what he really feels, isn’t it?

What Shiro wants to say is: “You’re mine, and I’ll never let you go! Because I love you and can’t live without you.”

What Shiro wants to do is to kiss Keith’s face, from his forehead to his chin, and tell him that he’s the most gorgeous man he ever saw.

He stays silent.

He makes Keith drink a bottle of water and brings him a chocolate bar from the kitchen.

Then, he gets back into bed and just lets Keith hold onto him while he goes down from his high.

  
  
  


When later Shiro overhears Keith crying in the bathroom in the middle of the night, he does nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry?
> 
> (do you hate Shiro now? do you pity him? poor baby Keith, right?)


	3. He Couldn't Fight It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith spends a sleepless night thinking about his relationship with Shiro.  
> The way Shiro treated him was insanely hot and he liked it, why is the despair so strong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dears!
> 
> Another chapter brings us more suffering.  
> Just a heads-up: this fic is going to consist of bitter resentment, angst, painful feels and selfish decisions. Sheith here are not a happy, healthy couple we all want them to be.  
> Beware!
> 
> I am not sure if I will give them a happy ending. This story is writing itself, and I'm letting it.  
> Have a nice reading!

After Shiro is done with him, Keith can’t sleep.

As soon as the main action finished, he’d been cuddled and praised, he’d been watered and fed.

He even managed to drag himself to the shower. Yes, this is his evasion tactic for when the intimacy between them becomes too much, but also, yay to going to sleep clean!

Later, Keith deluded himself into believing he could forget himself in his dreams. That was three hours ago.

Sleeping with Shiro usually makes Keith happy. Today though, Shiro's soft, measured breaths next to him have the opposite effect. Instead of relaxing, Keith feels restless. His instincts are screaming at him to run without stopping for hours, until there's no oxygen left in his lungs; to run until he is forced to stop - because otherwise, he won't. Deep down, Keith knows that no distance will help: one can't run away from themselves.

There's a reason he's so keyed up. Keith just spent several hours working through the memories of his last time with Shiro again and again. It needed to be done. Until Keith sorts his emotions out, he can’t move on.

And move on is what he needs to do. In the big sense of the word.

It can’t go on like that. What they're doing is not good for him and Keith is dumb if he considers staying with Shiro worth his while. And then Keith recalls how Shiro didn’t let him come and how Insanely Hot it was. He whimpers slightly. The arousal doesn't last long. Immediately, Keith's mind switches to the fact that being used by Shiro had been so very painful, and Keith isn’t talking about his tortured dick (or destroyed asshole) right now. It’s been too much, too close. Too unequal in terms of feelings they harbour for each other.

The whole time Shiro held him, Keith couldn't stop thinking that this was just sex for Shiro. Not for a second.

The difference in their attitudes - it matters, tells Keith himself.

He loves Shiro, and Shiro obviously doesn't love Keith back. This would've been OK if Shiro didn't treat Keith like he owns him.

The problem is that Shiro doesn’t. This is the reality. It hurts to remind himself, but Shiro doesn’t own Keith now and, probably, never will.

Not because Keith wouldn't allow it. Hell, Keith would’ve begged for it given a chance! If there were a mere possibility that Shiro wanted to have more of Keith, Keith wouldn’t have ever said “no”.

But the way things are? When Shiro clearly only wants Keith for the fucking part?

No way can Keith settle for that. It’s self-destructive. Keith doesn't know who put the last phrase into his head: maybe, it was Lance who reads all kind of psychology-related things online, or, maybe, his boss, Allura, who can't stand it when people around her live their lives unhealthy or don't Do Things Right ( _Keith thinks she meddles too often_ ). But, somehow, he feels like he deserves Allura's disapproval right now. 

Keith is grateful for what he has (it is so much more than he would’ve expected 5 months prior!) and yet, he won’t be able to live this way long-term.

To be a willing fucktoy that can leave at any moment is not the same as throwing his whole life to the feet of a man who will use him for one thing only, without noticing or appreciating other things about Keith.

They live together, but Shiro mostly acts the same as at the start. They share domestic duties and Shiro pays for the major part of the groceries, but it’s because it’s convenient and just. They sleep next to each other most nights but it’s only so that they could relieve their sexual urges easily.

The whole situation sounds awful when Keith puts it like this.

The thing is... Keith feels so raw and helpless when they fuck. It’s the time when he is the closest to Shiro, both physically and emotionally - he can’t hide the depth of his feelings from himself during their lovemaking. Because sue him, he tries to refer to it as just "sex" in his head, for Keith it is lovemaking! Each and every time!

This time, Keith was making love to Shiro, too.

And Shiro... He was so merciless today.

He was certainly in the mood to push Keith to his limits.

Shiro didn’t ask Keith anything after he’d tied him up, correctly interpreting Keith’s lack of protests as blanket permission to do what he wants to him. Again, Shiro surpassed Keith's expectations.

Keith didn’t even know it’s possible to be so horny and desperate in bed. That his body can feel so much and be brought so far beyond the precipice of his usual sex experience. He was overwhelmed by how well Shiro played him: it was impossible to do anything but follow Shiro’s lead. And boy, was Shiro demanding! Keith gave him all he had, but Shiro continued taking and taking and taking, until there was nothing left, but Keith’s wish to please Shiro. And still, Shiro didn't let up.

Keith is a little ashamed of himself for giving in to his weakness and pleading with Shiro for an orgasm. Next time (if there ever will be a next time!), Keith will do better. He can ignore his cock if it means getting so much of Shiro’s focused attention. He can do better!

He can, and he will. If only Shiro gave him another chance.

Keith bites his lip in frustration. He’s going in circles. He just told himself he should stop… seeing Shiro, and now he looks for a way to be a better lover for Shiro. Ha. That's the determination.

His personal sort of a venomous cocktail: self-loathing paired with the desire to please Shiro. That’s what Keith does to himself. That’s how he hurts himself again.

A bitter smile tugs on Keith's lips. One misstep and he's back at wanting Shiro more than anything.

For the thousandth time, Keith imagines leaving Shiro behind for good. It... doesn't go well. Don't get him wrong, the pictures are very realistic; his imagination does a brilliant job of painting his future in blacks, greys and purples. The despair that Keith feels is so strong, though, that he can’t breathe for a second. With sudden, overwhelming clarity, Keith realises that he is unable to go away first. He’ll have to rely on Shiro when it comes to deciding their “partnership’s” fate which means staying in limbo for who knows how long.

In short, Keith is doomed.

This time, when tears come close to the surface, Keith can't resist them. Keith climbs out of the bed gingerly and tiptoes to the bathroom. He tries to rub at his wet eyes and clean his running nose, ashamed of his own lack of dignity.

Keith's inner world is volatile and frozen at the same time so he decides to concentrate on the physical. It's familiar and simpler. He categorizes his different body aches first, and boy, is the list long. His asshole especially is very sore. But hey, tells Keith himself, it’s nothing out of the ordinary: they both love it when Shiro is rough. It's OK. His dick and balls, though… There’s an unfamiliar, dull ache that Keith thinks he might have to get used to. That's just another thing that depends on Shiro, not on him.

All important things depend on Shiro.

Keith doesn’t know what would've been better: if Shiro told him their arrangement is over this same morning or in a year. In the first case, Keith would be able to start licking his wounds sooner which could help him get over Shiro sooner. In the second case, though, Keith would, at least, spend more time with the man who he considers the love of his life.

That last thought is Keith’s undoing. The dam breaks, and he weeps and sniffles pathetically, appearances be damned. He thinks he hears some movement in the flat while he is at it but ignores it.

This pain is his, and his alone. He will suffer in solitude.

The next morning finds Keith in the kitchen where he organizes and reorganizes the folders on his laptop.

He smiles to Shiro when the latter comes in, yawning.

Keith is here to stay until Shiro tells him otherwise, and he is going to make himself cherish every moment.

And what if his every minute here will be tinged with guilt and desperation?

Keith will bear with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you say to my poor baby?
> 
> (be strong, Keith, listen to the reasonable voices in your head!)
> 
> Thank you for sticking with us!


	4. Interlude 1. Lance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance was always jealous of Keith. He couldn't help it: Keith always scored better than him where it mattered.  
> Things changed with time, and Lance should let it all go now, but it's hard. While they don't see each other every day anymore, Keith stays an arrogant bitch, and Lance can't stand it!
> 
> So he acts as if Keith's absence is what he carved all along.  
> Even if he misses Keith and wishes he were there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey-hey, my dears!
> 
> I will give you a little respite from Sheith pining. Err, not like that. You will get to take a look at it from Lance's POV!
> 
> This chapter is set a day or so after Keith and Shiro's disastrous coupling from chapters 2 and 3.

Lance doesn’t really dislike Keith. No, that’s not it. It just always feels like everything comes easy to Keith. Definitely easier than to Lance, at least!

No, that’s not right, says a voice in Lance’s head, suspiciously similar to Hunk’s. Keith is an orphan and had to fight for a stipend to be able to study and work to sustain himself while Lance had the support of his parents, siblings and aunts…

Lance shakes his head. Whatever. Keith is an arrogant guy who doesn’t know how to not be a fucking star. Lance saw with his own eyes how Keith had to work most of his free time, but it never fucking deterred him from his path! He was on top of every class they shared. It’s unfair that some get to be that clever and others are left behind.

Lance immediately scolds himself (he doesn’t even require imaginary Hunk for that). Yes, he was there to witness Keith’s success, but he was also there to see Keith stumble into their flat after a shift and fall onto the couch, too tired to take off his clothes or fall asleep in the canteen after having barely finished his lunch. He witnessed the bags under Keith’s eyes and how he sometimes forgot where he was and how much time it was. It seemed funny at first how Keith would jump up from where he was napping and start rummaging through his things, trying to get ready for something he imagined was next on his agenda, but only until Lance got to know more about his roommate. 

Lance always made sure to cook more than he could eat and then complain loudly how he’s going to have to throw away perfectly fine meals just because he can’t ever measure it right! Lance felt a little ashamed for his own relative wealth when he could detect the eagerness behind Keith’s casual: “I could eat a portion or two, so that you don’t have to waste food, Lance.” It turned out, Keith was completely unable to throw food away. He always ended up eating it. That was a victory. Lance still grumbled for a show, saying how he’d never share with Keith otherwise. He was well-aware that Keith didn’t want charity from him (or anyone else, for that matter).

Anyway, right now, this is in the past: it’s been two years since Lance dropped from the university to become a freelance artist. He is not in competition with Keith anymore. The competition that Lance made up and couldn’t let go of. Meanwhile, Keith got his degree, landed a nice internship, is now working full-time at that same company already. He reached his goal. He can be proud of himself.

Why did they ever think it was a good idea to continue rooming together?!

Despite trying to make money in a completely different field now, Lance still can’t help but compare their progress. Unfortunately, all of Lance’s achievements usually pale next to Keith’s.

It’s not on Keith, tells Lance himself. It’s not on Keith. Still, these last years, they almost stopped talking, only argued or stayed silent for days. It’s Lance’s fault mostly, of course, but also Keith’s: the damned brat is too prideful for his own good! How does this sugar daddy of Keith's tolerate him?

Lance just can’t admit that he misses Keith. Misses their better days, when they would tousle and joke around. Misses how Keith was always up for a challenge and never gave up - which made Lance want to not stay behind, so he tried harder, as well.

And, while he lived with Lance, Keith never went to bed without making sure that Lance wasn’t lost, drunk under a fence or in trouble. Lance always took it for granted, never realising how big a thing it was from a person who wasn’t his family - who he never even called a friend out loud.

When their landlady starts acting up and saying that Lance needs to let her acquaintance in instead of Keith since he is always gone anyway, Lance uses it as an opportunity to make Keith stay for more than one night at a time. He needs to prove to the crazy woman that Keith still needs this room that's all there is to it, he assures Keith. It’s a valid reason, isn't it?

Does Keith really need this space, though? Lance can't stop wondering. Keith always says he does. But why? Doesn’t this pretty man of his live in a fancy house in a better neighbourhood? Lance is not complaining: having Keith as his ever-absent roommate will always beat inviting anyone their landlady could bring, but still?

Keith agrees with Lance’s logic and comes over. The landlady sees him several times during the first three days and is pressured to stop her attempts at harassing Lance (at least for now). It's a win.

But Lance remembers feeling blue and missing Keith and decides to persuade Keith to stay for a week. Just in case. What if the landlady returns? All of a sudden, Keith agrees, and quite easily, at that. Huh?

Those first three nights, Keith only came home to sleep (office work is tough, assumes Lance). The fourth evening, though, Keith is home at six. They end up sitting at the kitchen table, their dinner finished already, trying to come up with a topic for a conversation. 

The awkward silence is growing more unbearable by the minute. In the end, Lance says the first thing that comes into his head (fuck his stupid random brain for its choice!):

“Does your Sugar Daddy treat you right, Keith?”

Lance cringes inwardly expecting to be scolded or shouted at. But Keith barely shrugs in response.

Lance gets worried instantly. It's not how Keith is supposed to react. It's not how he handles Lance's dumb questions. Did something wrong happen?

“What is it?” - he sings false-cheerfully, aiming to annoy Keith and bring his defences down. - “You’re together for 5 months, yeah? There must be something...”

“We are not.”

“What? Only four months?” - asks Lance uncomprehendingly.

“No, the period is right. But we are not dating. Never were.”

If Lance takes a second too much to close his gaping mouth, no one can fault him.

“What are you to each other, then?” - he asks bluntly.

“We fuck and live together. Share some tasks. He prepares breakfasts, I mop the floors. I also cook salad for dinner if I have time...”

Keith? Cooking salads? Lance snickers at the image.

“What?” - asks Keith defensively. - “It’s not hard to cook a salad when the ingredients are there.”

“No, sorry. It’s not that. I just…" - and Lance forcibly calms himself down, then asks in a serious tone: "I thought you were together? Like, _together_ together?

“No. We are not.”

Keith’s voice is cold, and Lance’s smile falls. He's at a loss of what to do.

Opposite from him, Keith takes his head in his arms, groans and then just kinda collapses on the table surface.

It may be cruel of him but Lance feels the need to press the matter.

“But… You like him?” - Lance inquires tentatively, watching the mop of black hair twitch over Keith's bare arms.

There's silence at first. Lance prepares for a rebuttal, for a: “Fuck off, Lance! It’s not your business!” or something worse.

What he gets in reality, is a weak, vulnerable: “I do,” - whispered barely audibly from the pile that resembles Keith.

There isn’t much to say afterwards.

But the ice is broken, and over the next evenings, Lance learns a lot about his roommate's life. He learns that the man Keith lives with, Shiro, is literally perfect in everything (in Keith’s eyes). There are many details to Keith’s description of Shiro: for example, he can cook eggs just fine but is unable to make a porridge, he has to take off his prosthetic for the night and he watches nerdy films as relaxation. Keith visibly stops himself from talking too much about Shiro, but it looks like, given the opportunity, he would only talk about Shiro. If it’s not a sign that Keith is far, far gone for his successful nerd, then what is?

In return, Lance regales Keith on how he has a crush on his best friend, Hunk, and how Hunk is completely unaware (and unavailable).

They don’t give each other advice: seems pointless since both are losers in the love department.

Still (and Lance thinks that Keith feels the same), it is good to finally be not alone in this. To have someone they trust to lean on.

Maybe Lance was wrong saying they’d never been friends. Doesn’t matter: they totally are, now, and he won’t let Keith grow distant again. Not on Lance’s watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what do you say about our Lance here? Was his view interesting to read?  
> (Oh, noooo, the pining energy intensified!)
> 
> And thank you for reading, as always!  
> Please, comment! I would really do with some feedback!


	5. If He Plays Along Then It's Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro meets his wayward fuck-buddy at his flat. He was not thrilled to be left alone for a whole week, and Keith will have to bear the consequences.  
> Shiro knows he's doing it wrong but is there a way to do it right at all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehey, my little stars!
> 
> I'm back with an update! Didn't think it'd take me so long.  
> Forgive me!
> 
> And Happy New Year to you all!

It’s a little after 7 pm when the love of Shiro’s life stumbles inside his flat.

Shiro can hear it clearly from where he is perched on an armchair in the corner of the living room. It’s semi-dark - the only illumination is coming from the outside. The light never truly dies down here. Shiro both appreciates and despises this aspect of living in a big city. Maybe, he needs to buy those blackout curtains, after all, if only for the bedroom.

Shiro listens in to the noises from the entrance hall. Keith doesn't call out for Shiro - he has seemingly assumed that Shiro is not at home. Shiro will play into this illusion for some time, just to watch Keith be himself. He’d never got such a chance before.

Keith doesn’t seem to be in a very good mood. Usually, his movements are quick and precise, he never drags his feet the way he does now. Shiro listens to him taking off his shoes, then hears some more heavy footsteps, a loud thud in the middle of the corridor, and then there’s water running in the bathroom. Shiro resolves to wait some more.

The thing is, Shiro is angry at Keith. Has been since Wednesday, precisely, - the day when he expected Keith to come back. He couldn’t imagine that Keith would decide to stay with _Lance_ in their rented apartment for a whole week!

But Keith did, and now Shiro can’t explain to himself why he is so angry.

Because Keith didn’t call him even once while he wasn’t home?

Because he was not alone, but with this boy, his roommate? 

That’s a valid reason to be mad at Keith, supplies Shiro’s overworked brain. Who knows what they were up to together?

_(Did they fuck? Did they fuck did they fuck did they…)_

Shiro shakes his head. No, no, no, Keith was adamant that they didn’t have this kind of relationship with Lance. They didn’t “click” or something from the very start.

In his jealous headspace, Shiro finds it hard to believe. He only saw Lance once or twice in passing but it was enough to confirm that he is certainly good-looking. Not Shiro’s type, but still, very handsome - tall, lean, with blue eyes. Lance also has a dazzling smile. Shiro can’t even imagine smiling so brightly and carelessly now. Did he ever smile like that? He can’t remember.

Shiro’s musings are interrupted by aggressive cursing sounding from the corridor. Looks like someone tripped over his own backpack. And then sent the innocent thing flying to the kitchen with a kick.

What a mess.

If Keith is so angry after being away from home for so long, whispers a thin voice in Shiro’s head, does it mean it hadn’t been worth it, to leave? Does it mean Keith was a fool to stay away from Shiro for a whole fucking week? Shiro received what, three texts on the overall, one in reply to his own message?

Shiro is freaking _furious_ all of a sudden. Doesn’t he make Keith’s life with him as convenient and painless as possible? Doesn’t he worry about him every damn day? Doesn’t he try and control all his unseemly urges, in bed and outside of it, everything to please Keith!

And what does Keith in return? Abandons him? Forgets about him? Has fun with some other man?

The audacity!

When Keith takes the first step into the living room, Shiro finds himself pinning Keith to the wall. Keith gasps and makes a move to defend himself first, but then recognizes Shiro and freezes in place.

They stand unmoving, their faces only a few centimetres apart, their breathing ragged and their eyes - watchful.

  
  


Keith is unbelievably beautiful, and Shiro wants to own him.

Shiro adores him.

Shiro needs him.

Shiro craves his touch.

Shiro would do anything just to…

  
  


Shiro has to be careful with his wishes.

He tries to centre himself to prevent something ugly that can’t be undone from happening. He needs to calm down. He can't scare Keith off with some crazy fit. Making small talk right now seems awkward but it’s better than other alternatives. Also, Keith must be startled, if even a little, so Shiro can pretend he did what he did deliberately. Pretend he intended to catch Keith off-guard and push him around as if it's normal.

What's gotten into him lately!?

But he has to save his face. Keith can't know.

So instead of apologizing and backing off, Shiro leans in, so close he can smell Keith's hair, and mutters reproachfully:

“Well, well, aren’t you loud.”

“Shiro,” - barely breathes Keith in reply. Poor boy. He must be overwhelmed. Not that it will stop Shiro from toying with him.

“Was it a good way to come back into the house you so readily abandoned, huh? Throwing things, swearing… What’s gotten into you, Keith?”

“You know I needed to stay in that flat, - protests Keith weakly. - The landlady…”

“Took your phone away and you couldn’t even send a text to me, hmm? - Shiro takes a dramatic pause. - I didn’t know how you are, didn’t know when you’ll return. Oh, Keith. I thought you were more thoughtful than that.”

Keith sputters for a few seconds but says nothing. He looks down and huffs instead. He seems nervous so Shiro backs down a bit.

He then flips the light switch on, finally, and they both narrow their eyes reflexively at the onslaught of white.

A few seconds pass. Keith obediently stays where he is, eyes downcast, letting Shiro watch his fill. He looks so lonely and tired… and small in his black jeans and dark-grey hoodie, standing forlornly at a wall and trying his best not to fidget under Shiro’s scrutiny. 

Suddenly, Shiro is hit with a wave of relief so profound he feels dizzy with it.

Keith is back, he realises. He didn’t leave for good. He came back to Shiro and he wants to be here.

His sexual drive kicks in next.

Oh, Shiro would love to take Keith here and now; order him to turn around and fuck him. Shiro would pull Keith’s jeans down and leave them at his ankles, make him push his bubble butt out and beg for Shiro’s cock. Shiro would open Keith up on his fingers so slowly, he’d tremble with need by the time Shiro would deign to give it to him. He’d even let Keith come; if he were able to do so untouched. Keith could, couldn’t he? Come just from the feeling of Shiro’s cock spearing his ass, marking him, owning him...

The real Keith, meanwhile, looks more unnerved and embarrassed by the second. Shiro enjoys having this effect on him. He would bet Keith doesn’t show this side of him to anyone else… Or does he?!

That’s not good.

Jealousy is too easy to awaken lately. 

Shiro breathes in and out slowly, willing the horrible, thickening feeling away. He can’t think straight when he’s like this. Logically, he knows he doesn’t have the right to require Keith’s loyalty. They’re exclusive, that’s their agreement. But they’re not a couple! If Keith were to fuck someone else… What would it be, then? A breach of an agreement? Sounds like some legal jargon. Ridiculous! When in truth it’d mean the shattering of Shiro’s whole world.

Shiro loves Keith.

Shiro wants Keith to be his.

Too bad he can’t make it happen for real - he’s still allowed to play, though. As long as Keith comes to him on his own accord.

Shiro knows he’s being selfish and unfair. He knows. He’s just too tired to fight his own nature.

Keith must be interested, too, he wouldn’t have allowed Shiro to push him so hard otherwise, reassures himself Shiro.

Keith will like their game, tells Shiro himself, knowing full-well that it is no game, not for him, at least.

Putting all his doubts aside, he starts talking.

“Tell me, boy, - inquires Shiro in his best disinterested voice, - did you behave while you were away?”

Keith’s breath hitches.

“What do you mean, Shiro?” - he asks carefully.

Shiro suppresses the urge to yell something along the lines of: “Did you cheat on me?” and asks instead:

“Did you touch yourself?”

There’s silence first, and then Keith whispers: “I did, Shiro.”

Shiro feigns severe disappointment.

“And here I was, thinking we were on the same page. Thinking you agreed that I know better. Know how to treat you, know what you need.”

Keith tosses his head back and searches for Shiro with frantic eyes.

“You do!” - he exclaims. Then, less agitated, he repeats: “You do, Shiro. I’m… I’m sorry.”

Keith’s easy surrender is a little unexpected. But very welcome.

Shiro hums, as if in thought.

“You regret your actions, then?”

“Yes, Shiro. It won’t happen again!”

Keith looks at him with pleading eyes, stormy and violet. Shiro stalls just to have a few minutes to marvel at Keith’s beauty, pretending to be indecisive.

His Keith. So pretty and desperate. Does he really want to continue their play so much? How about a little test, then?

“Colour, Keith,” - demands Shiro.

Keith’s: “Green,” is uttered quietly, but distinctly. That’s all Shiro needs to proceed.

“You know you’ve misbehaved, boy, - chastises Shiro in a stern tone. - You know I can’t let it slide.”

“Yes, sir,” - dutifully reacts Keith.

“You’re going to be punished. Since you’re tired, I won’t give you a spanking immediately. Let’s postpone it for tomorrow. Yet, there’s still something I can give to you today. Take your jeans down. No, not completely, boy; just let them fall under your knees. Your underwear, too. That’s it. And now, go to your favourite corner. Yeah, baby, this one. You’ll stay there for 15 minutes. I’ll tell you when it’s time. Now, just stand still and think. About your misbehaviour and about how you’re going to get your ass whipped tomorrow because of it.”

Keith shudders at the last sentence. Shiro’s cock is throbbing in his sweatpants; he can see that Keith is hard, too.

“Gonna put you over my knees and spank you properly. Then you’re going to peel a ginger root for yourself… - Shiro pauses to give Keith time to imagine how ginger is going to feel, lodged up his ass channel, burning and stinging and absolutely unbearable, and continues: - You’d give the peeled piece to me, then pull your asscheeks apart and show me your naughty little hole…”

Shiro indulges himself and tells Keith many of his dirtiest fantasies. Keith doesn’t have anywhere to be anyway, right?

Shiro should’ve left him alone. If he were playing it right, he’d have given Keith time to feel guilty, to process Shiro’s words. But it’s too tempting to embarrass Keith more, to see the tips of his ears turn red and his sweet cock starts weeping at the end.

15 minutes are over too soon. Shiro generously allows Keith to pull up his pants and boxer briefs (how will he look like in panties, by the way? Shiro needs to find out) when he sends him to bed. It’s barely 8 pm, but it seems a suitable finish for their evening.

As soon as Keith is gone, Shiro takes his cock out and jerks off to the image of ginger peeking out from between Keith’s bright-red ass cheeks.

He certainly doesn’t expect to find Kith doing the same thing when he enters the bedroom.

Well, destiny can be kind to him once in a while too, can’t it?

“You’re asking for it, don’t you, boy? - thinks Shiro, coming closer and then settling at the headboard. - Be my guest.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, Shiro. Just imagine how much better it'd be if you just talked to Keith and agreed on game rules...
> 
> Ah, can't wait to see that spanking finally happening! And you?


	6. A Little Dawdling Never Killed Nobody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith stays at his and Lance's flat longer than he was supposed to.  
> He meets the object of Lance's affections - Hunk.
> 
> Shiro, meanwhile, is not pleased with being made to wait for Keith's return. He's even less pleased with Keith's "gluttonous" behaviour.  
> Keith doesn't make matters for himself easier by following Shiro's rules, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dear readers❣️
> 
> Is the start of the year kind to you? Since it is for me, and I'm so glad! I needed rest!
> 
> To the chapter:  
> The way to a good spanking is a long one.  
> Ask Keith!

If someone asked Keith about the week he’d spent in his and Lance’s rented flat, he’d describe it as painful.

In short, his week apart from Shiro, his big love, had been spent in hopeless pining interspersed with wallowing in self-pity. Lance’s reassurances helped but not by much - Keith was too far gone to take those to heart. 

Every minute of every day, Keith was missing Shiro like crazy. Being at a distance from him brought all Keith’s problems into perspective. It wasn’t fair of Keith to lie to Shiro about the seriousness of Keith’s feelings. It was wrong of Keith to continue doubting Shiro at every step when the man had promised _nothing_. It was Keith’s problem that he wanted more from him. Shiro didn’t do anything wrong. Shiro thought they were on the same page. Shiro had it all straight in his head, unlike Keith.

And yet, Keith couldn’t stop thinking about how Shiro only wanted him for sex. And oh, this thought stung. But what if it was true? It would explain why Shiro didn’t bother to get to know Keith a little better - Keith wasn’t worth it. 

Or, not to be dramatic: maybe, Keith just isn’t _it_ for Shiro, and Shiro knows it? This is why he uses Keith while it’s convenient. They are so very compatible in bed, aren’t they? It’s a stellar arrangement from all sides (would’ve been, if Keith didn’t fall in love so quickly).

If they stop enjoying each other in bed anymore, they’ll simply break apart.

( _no-no-no, has to reassure himself Keith, it isn’t happening, isn’t happening, not now, it’s OK, Shiro is not leaving him yet_ )

That was Keith’s usual train of thought.

Then came the (never-helping) attempt at self-soothing.

Keith was lucky to ever find (Shiro) a man who can fuck him as good as Shiro does.

Keith was silly for letting his greed sully the best relationship he’d ever had.

Even if they only fuck and eat meals together, it’s more than Keith had with any other person he’d dated.

And then the self-loathing hit again, and Keith felt like his whole world was spinning.

Not surprisingly, by Sunday, the day he was supposed to go back, Keith felt restless and eager to be on his way. Yet, the evil landlady, the official reason for Keith to stay at his place for so long, had other plans. 

She chose Sunday to pay them another visit and arrived at 10:30, right after Keith has finished folding his laundry and putting it into his drawers.

It seemed only logical that the landlady was quite disappointed to find Keith still present. 

Keith sincerely wanted to give her a piece of his mind and tell her everything he thought about her idea of making him leave the flat for no real reason at all. For Lance’s sake, he didn’t give in to the impulse. Patience yields focus, as one gentleman would say.

During this unnecessary flat inspection, Lance made comically big eyes at Keith and mouthed silent curses behind the landlady’s back. It certainly helped with the mood but also made it nigh impossible for Keith to stay serious. Thankfully, Lance was handling the negotiations masterfully alone, and Keith was able to slink into his room at one point where he hid until she left.

All in all, Keith’s intention to leave at 11 am stayed unfulfilled. In his defense, Keith almost made it to the door, his backpack in tow, ready to put his boots on and run when Lance came, pleading with him to stay for just one more meal. Keith felt too fond of the guy at this point to refuse. So he stayed until after lunch. That seemed like a good decision at the time; they had a nice conversation, and Keith even enjoyed Lance’s cooking for once. Lance was evolving; maybe soon he’d transform into a full-fledged adult!

And everything was going so well. He should’ve left quicker.

Alas, this time Keith’s compulsive packing habits were the reason for his demise.

Keith was in the middle of making sure that all his items were in his backpack and his room wasn’t a mess while Lance was following him around and bragging how good it was to be friends with Hunk... when said Hunk rang the doorbell. It didn’t alarm Keith, actually. He still thought everything was going fine.

Keith didn’t know why he expected Lance’s love interest to be a twink or at least something closer to him in stature (why didn’t they discuss his appearance?); the reality successfully knocked his expectations down. Turned out, Hunk was _huge_. Judging from what he saw on that first meeting, Keith would say that Hunk was a friendly giant by nature, the type that only gets angry and scary if something serious happens. It was a good fit for Lance if they ever got together, mused Keith; Lance needed someone he could rely on.

Positioned right in front of the entrance door, Lance and Hunk wound up talking. Keith didn’t have any other choice but to stand there dumbly and listen about Hunk’s college life, then about the best films of last year, and then about the new recipe for lasagna one cook had told Hunk in secret. 

Only then did Lance ask Hunk why he was there. Turned out, Hunk needed his laptop looked at and he had been walking by Lance’s flat on his way to the repair shop.

But of course. Just Keith’s luck. Never the person to refuse to help someone when he could, Keith offered to take a look at the laptop. He ended up fighting a virus that filled the screen with a picture of a dick and threatened the laptop owner with blackmail if they don’t send money to the scumbags that planted said virus… for two fucking hours. One more hour went into checking Hunk’s laptop for other threats and persuading him to install an antivirus program. Keith just couldn’t let a good person with a nice laptop stay so clueless and defenseless against the internet!

To express his gratitude to Keith, Hunk cooked them a meal while Keith worked and practically begged Keith to stay and to eat with them. The meal was magnificent and all, but Lance went into full-blown blushing-virgin-mode all of a sudden so Keith had to actively converse with Hunk. It was nice and easy (Hunk talked enough for 10 people) yet still draining.

Keith exited Lance’s building feeling like he would explode if someone said one more bloody word to him.

Luckily, there were no people with a death wish on Keith’s way home.

* * *

This is the sad story of how and why Keith comes back to Shiro’s place at about 7 pm only.

He enters the dark flat and toes his shoes off slowly. His belly is full (too full!) while his mind is numb.

Today was supposed to be his opportunity to rest before the working week! Keith doesn’t even have it in him to huff or curse aloud. He’s exhausted.

Keith loses his backpack somewhere in the corridor - Shiro won’t approve when he stumbles upon it in the dark. Alas. Maybe it's for the best that Shiro is not at home, thinks Keith padding to the bathroom. Keith is not a good company now. 

He washes his hands and takes a piss. The face looking back at him from the mirror seemingly belongs to some other boy - Keith doesn’t remember looking so… hollow.

On his way to the living room, Keith stumbles over his own backpack, swears profoundly, kicks is in the overall direction of the kitchen and continues his way to the TV.

To say that he doesn’t expect to be caged against the living room wall would be the understatement of the century.

What follows next - pissed Shiro, questioning, scolding, being sent to a corner “to think” and then put to bed early, looks like a logical continuation of Shiro’s sudden appearance to Keith’s muddled brain.

It’s also incredibly **hot**.

In the silence of Shiro’s luxurious bedroom, Keith rubs one off, muffling his moans into the pillow. Yes, Keith feels humiliated after Shiro talked him down like that, yes, he doesn’t fully approve of the way Shiro treated him. Just… Let’s be honest, Keith is all the hornier because of that. 

It almost looks like Shiro _missed_ Keith while he was gone. 

This is what gets Keith going - other things he might want to consider (before acting up immediately after being promised a spanking for coming without Shiro’s permission) fade next to it.

Keith is so turned on that one orgasm doesn’t suffice - the excitement of finding out that Shiro cared about Keith’s absence enough to get angry doesn’t die down easily.

It feels so good to be in Shiro’s flat, on his bed, surrounded by his scent. Keith can’t shake off the feeling of belonging to Shiro, here. He wants more. He wants to be owned by Shiro, wants to permanently add himself to the mix that is Shiro’s life…

He wants to come again while the memory of Shiro’s broad palms on his shoulders is still vivid in his memory.

He doesn’t think, he just chases his pleasure.

When Shiro walks in on Keith on all fours, frantically jerking off, Keith doesn’t feel even a sliver of embarrassment. It’s unsurprising. One needs their brain to be operating to feel shame or guilt - it’s not Keith’s case. 

Keith doesn’t stop on Shiro’s account. He’s single-mindedly working towards his goal, he can’t afford distractions. Though Shiro’s presence is nice. It makes him feel even safer.

Staying silent, Shiro approaches the bed and sits down at the headboard, with a full view of Keith’s stiff cock and his hand flying fast over it. Shiro’s gaze on Keith is cold and impassive. Instead of registering as a warning it so clearly is, it only spurs Keith on.

Keith orgasms almost immediately after Shiro’s appearance. He slumps down and only has enough energy to throw a look Shiro’s way. He shudders when their eyes meet; Shiro’s gaze burns through him and promises retribution.

Keith thinks he zones out after.

When Keith is present enough again to understand human speech, he realises that Shiro is talking to him.

Shiro seems to be as amused by Keith’s impertinence as he is annoyed by it. Keith does his best to get the meaning of Shiro’s words despite the residual fog in his head.

Despite Shiro’s judgement, he doesn’t regret anything.

“It truly looks like you try to rile me up, Keith. Did I tell you I disapproved when you admitted to masturbating while you were at your place? I totally did. And you... You mumbled something about being sorry, didn’t you?”

At the moment, Keith doesn’t remember saying that.

Needless to say, he is **not** sorry for what he’s doing now.

Shiro’s condescension is delicious though. It makes Keith want to try to reach the third orgasm. Pity he feels too boneless to go for it.

Shiro promises Keith will pay for his behaviour in elaborate terms, quickly takes care of Keith’s mess and joins him in bed.

Keith sleeps well for the first time in a week.

He dreams about lying across Shiro’s wide lap in the middle of an airport and receiving a sound thrashing with a shoehorn.

He wakes up a little bewildered but also very hard and again, doesn’t fight the temptation.

When Shiro catches him this time, he only says: “I hope you remember your safewords for today’s evening, Keith.” They have breakfast and leave for work together.

Keith’s working week starts with a workload enough for five. He spends the day helping everyone and trying to put out fires at his own workplace. It’s not a bad day; Keith manages to do just fine and complete most of his tasks before he can go home. He doesn’t stay late: he has something important planned. To be precise, his rebellious ass has a meeting with Shiro’s punishing hand, and Keith would prefer to not be late. 

Weirdly, but Keith doesn’t feel any apprehension or fear. He should, actually. Is it because his work became the ultimate distraction or just his recklessness?

Shiro is already waiting when Keith arrives. They have a very light dinner together. They don’t talk except for basic pleasantries. Keith still feels fine about his oncoming spanking.

After they’re done eating, Shiro orders Keith to stand in a corner in the corridor. Thankfully, without losing his pants. Keith spends his time-out thinking about Shiro’s biceps in this black button-down. He doesn't notice when his 15 minutes are up and Shiro calls for him.

Next, Shiro sends Keith to the bathroom and orders him to come to the living room when he’s done.

This is the best Monday evening ever, thinks Keith while taking a ridiculously long shower. 

He doesn’t know where his spite comes from - the rational part of his brain screams at him to hurry and crawl to Shiro to beg for forgiveness. 

Keith finishes washing himself up and decides to put a vanilla-scented lotion all over his body. It’s relaxing, and Keith gets a little lost in the process. Massaging his ass cheeks, Keith thinks: “It’s for Shiro’s pleasure”, snickers to himself and adds more lotion there. 

By the time his skin has soaked up the added moisture, Keith runs out of patience himself. He regrets his dawdling now that the horniness has abated.

Honestly? He’s scared. Now, he is. But there’s no choice but to go to Shiro and accept his fate.

Keith gives himself one last once-over in the mirror, says goodbye to his pale bums and exits the bathroom.

He looks and smells nice. Shiro is going to have mercy on him, won’t he?

  
  


Shiro is, as promised, waiting for Keith in the living room. He’s sitting on the couch and reading something on his Kindle. If anything, he looks relaxed. Keith knows his calmness is fake. He knows Shiro.

Uh-oh. He’s in so much trouble!

Shiro doesn’t acknowledge Keith’s presence in any way, and, for a few awkward moments, Keith doesn’t know what to do with himself. He feels incredibly out of place, standing naked (and half-hard again) in the middle of the living room. It’s chilly after the humid warmth of the bathroom, and Keith can feel goosebumps erupt all over his body. The anticipation becomes more unbearable with the minute, and Shiro acts as if there’s only him and his reading in the world.

In the end, Keith kneels on the carpet at Shiro’s feet. Only then Keith notices that the coffee table is pushed to the far wall, and that there’s Shiro’s leather belt along with a wooden hairbrush lying on the couch. Keith wonders where does the brush come from; he’d never seen it before. He forgets his initial question as soon as the realisation dawns on him: Shiro intends to beat him with those things! It’s more than Keith expected.

He’d never been hit with anything that sturdy. His nerves ratchet up.

He’s going to try to take it anyway, decides Keith. He has to!

Will is hurt much? It must. 

Keith doesn’t know if he’s up for it.

He’s not going to quit just because he’d watched too many videos of boys’ butts getting absolutely blistered with similar tools.

Shiro always respects his safewords. It’s going to be fine.

Right?..

Keith is saved from his reverie by Shiro’s quiet: “Baby?”

Keith hates (and loves) being called that by Shiro. He knows Shiro doesn’t mean it but Keith is not too proud to feed off scraps in this case. The endearment throws him off for a second - and Keith’s fantasy readily transfers him to a place where being Shiro’s baby is the reality.

“Yes?” - reacts Keith belatedly, meeting Shiro’s worried gaze.

Shiro looks sincerely bothered by Keith’s nervousness. Suddenly, Keith is hit with a wave of profound fondness for this man who promised him a whipping of his lifetime and acts all protective instead. 

Keith breathes out and feels how some of the tension he’d accumulated leaves him. Shiro is still the same upstanding person that he knew. Keith is still safe here.

“You OK there?” - inquires Shiro again.

Keith nods.

“Your safewords?” - asks Shiro after a bit, some lingering doubt present in his tone.

“Red for a full stop, yellow for renegotiation, green - for when everything’s fine,” - recites Keith. Going through the familiar procedure is what calms Keith down completely. He breaks character to tell Shiro that he is fine, that he won’t keep quiet if anything goes wrong.

Shiro believes him.

Immediately, the air in the room changes.

“Well, well, - says Shiro in his no-nonsense tone. - What do we have here? A naughty boy?”

He looks Keith over, as if to confirm his suspicions. Gosh! One phrase from Shiro - and he’s done for. It feels like Keith is nothing more than some curious creature whose piteousness attracted Shiro’s attention somehow. It’s amazingly mortifying. Keith ducks his head in shame. 

He feels giddy now. He is scared - Shiro’s spankings hurt, for fuck’s sake! - but in a more positive way. Keith angled for punishment, now he’s going to suffer for his impertinence which is the right thing that needs to happen. He thinks he longed for it - for relinquishing control to Shiro and forgetting his earthly trouble.

Meanwhile, Shiro is doing his best to help Keith with it.

“What do we do with misbehaving boys, huh, Keith? Tell me.”

The order is clear, yet Keith can’t make himself open his mouth. He doesn’t want to say it aloud.

When the silence stretches for too long, Shiro tsks and pulls Keith’s head up by the hair. Keith struggles. He even closes his eyes not to meet Shiro’s gaze.

“Oh, dear? Do you really want to make it even harder on himself?”

Keith squeezes his eyes tighter and refuses to budge.

“Well, OK then. I was planning to give you 10 with the belt and then 5 with the hairbrush. I add 5 more with the belt. Now, Keith, I will be counting from 10 to 1, and if I don’t hear you admitting _what you need_ before I finish, I’m going to add 5 more with the hairbrush. Your choice.”

Keith tries to come up with a sentence in his mind that would encompass his punishment. The result becomes more embarrassing with every try:

_“Naughty boys get spanked.”_

Good lord! That’s awful!

_“I need to be spanked over your knee, Shiro.”_

He’d better swallow his tongue.

_“Please, put me over your knee and redden my butt, sir.”_

Nope. No, no, no!

In the background, Shiro is counting steadily. 8, 7, 6…

Keith doesn’t want more hits with the brush! He doesn’t. He has to say something. Anything to pause the count!

3, 2, a few tense moments - Shiro gives him his last chance, - 1.

“5 more with the hairbrush, - announces Shiro matter-of-factly. - Let’s try again. I will count to twelve, this time. If you don’t tell me what discipline naughty boys get, you’ll have to endure 5 strikes to your buttocks with the belt as well.”

Keith sniffles. When did he start crying even?

“Isn’t it alluring, Keith?” - taunts Shiro. The count starts, making Keith bite his lower lip.

He has to say it. He’s doomed as it is, he can’t make it worse. He needs to do what Shiro asks of him.

Keith opens his eyes. Shiro is at 5.

Somehow, Keith’s throat works and he doesn’t even stumble when he utters, resigned:

“Naughty boys need to get spanked, Shiro.”

A huge weight is lifted off his chest. Keith sighs in relief. It feels as if he’d unlocked some place inside his head where previously no one entered. A brand-new headspace, close to the one he reached when Shiro denied him his orgasms, and yet not the same.

“See, it wasn’t so bad! - laughs Shiro mockingly. - And what else?”

Keith has no idea what else! But he doesn’t want to risk staying mute again. Thankfully, he doesn’t care about what he says anymore. He’s not his own master right now.

“And belted?” - Keith takes a guess.

“That too, baby, but it’s not what I meant. I’ll help you. It’s some other unpleasant discipline measure.”

“I don’t know,” - says Keith honestly.

Shiro sighs indulgently.

“Oh, my. You have forgotten, haven't you? My poor, poor darling, you totally have! What a twist!”

Keith’s face burns even more. Now he also feels dumb.

Shiro is kind enough not to leave him hanging for long.

“ _Figging_ , Keith.”

Keith’s fingertips twitch and his pucker clenches reflexively.

Shiro goes on as if Keith is still out of the loop and needs a lengthy explanation:

“A naughty boy like yourself needs to be spanked _and_ figged. When such a boy repeats his offense right after being caught, it means he needs a very firm reminder. A light butt slapping will achieve nothing. Naughty boys can’t be trusted to look after themselves. They’re a little like stubborn animals - you need to corral them towards safety, even if it goes against their silly, selfish wishes.”

Shiro pauses to pet Keith’s face, to comb through the unruly, damp strands of his hair.

“Don’t argue, baby,” - says Shiro softly. Keith didn’t make a sound yet!

Shiro’s hand finds Keith’s nape and his fingers tighten around the longer locks there. 

“I’m sorry you have to go through this,” - now Shiro sounds genuinely apologetic, the bastard. 

At Keith’s weak protests he adds: “Once again, a simple spanking won’t suffice. It won’t help you to get back on track. You require thorough discipline, and I promise I will guide you through it.”

Shiro sounds determined, and Keith deflates. He won’t win this fight.

He can still safeword. It’s his right. He can do it right now to spare himself the pain and the humiliation. He will do it after the first spank if needed!

Deep down, Keith knows he won’t safeword, unless Shiro will start to absolutely torture him. He’s _that_ stubborn.

Shiro offers Keith his hand and helps him to his feet. Next, upon Shiro’s instruction, Keith puts himself over Shiro’s lap and hugs the proffered pillow tight.

It’s going to be tough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehey, thank you for being with us❣️
> 
> How do you like Hunk? And the first part of Keith's Sunday overall?
> 
> Did the anticipation get to you? I hope it did! As soon as Keith stopped his daydreaming, he realised the DANGER 😭
> 
> See you soon! The next chapter is under construction already ^--^


	7. Is There an End to This Sweet Burn?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro punishes Keith quite strictly. In the end, he gives Keith a little "gift" in order to help him stay good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dears!
> 
> The chapter is here! Rejoice!
> 
> This was the hardest spanking scene in my entire writer's career. I think. I don't remember getting writer's block over blistered butts!
> 
> Beware: it's intense, Shiro is NOT in the best headspace to be a spanker or a caregiver, at least part of the time, Keith is nervous, and both have a ton of self-doubts, fears, and whatnot. I can't consider it non-con because Keith agrees explicitly to everything (or refuses to safeword) but DAMN, this boy doesn't know what's good for him!

Shiro can’t believe it's happening. _This_ is the moment when Keith feels extended shower time is needed? When Shiro waits for him with a metaphorical paddle in his hands?

Is he serious, thinks Shiro incredulously? It can’t be. This must be nerves. Yes, he must be overwhelmed by the perspective of his first big spanking. It’s either that, or he really wants to rile Shiro up.

It’s the latter, tells Shiro himself after another minute of waiting. It’s Keith giving Shiro an opportunity to be mean. Shiro is ready for that. He lives to surpass expectations - he will surely deliver.

Shiro feels like he’s (maybe) going to be fine for the first time in weeks. This game of cat-and-mouse they play, it grounds him as nothing else does. With Keith at Shiro’s mercy, on his own volition, no less, Shiro feels in control. He feels needed. Shiro is certain that he can give Keith what he needs today - it seems to be an intense session. They’re definitely on the same page here.

When Keith emerges from the steaming bathroom, he smells like vanilla and his skin is unusually soft to the touch. And a little… oily? Did he maybe use that lotion Lance gave him for the New Year (it’s nothing! don’t go there, Shiro! No! Stop! fuck...)? The bottle was almost full when Shiro took a shower this morning (not that he looked) - meaning Keith didn’t touch it for almost 5 months. Why use it now?

The reminder of Lance’s existence reawakens the nagging worry at the back of Shiro’s consciousness. A tiny voice telling him that they need to talk more first. That Shiro and his possessive mood are not to be trusted. That a spanking role-play is not a substitute for whatever it is normal couples do when they are displeased with each other. But they are not a regular couple. They’re not a couple at all! And… there’s nothing abnormal in what Shiro has planned. It’s how they operate, isn’t it?

It’s OK. Shiro wants it more than anything. Keith wants it badly, too. Needs it, even. Keith had proven time and time again that he has a masochistic strike a mile wide. That’s just the way they are, together. No overthinking required!

As if trying to prove Shiro’s inner demons (angels?) right, Keith starts behaving irrationally. After making Shiro wait and being a huge tease, he... suddenly acts nervous. Shiro can’t explain what’s gotten into him; he’d never acted like that before. It’s not the Keith Shiro knows. 

Is it Shiro’s doing? Has he overdone it? Should he have kept his implements hidden and ease Keith’s way into heavier impact play slower?

Shiro makes an effort to concentrate on Keith and leave his doubts for later. But he manages, and, while it takes some time, Shiro is able to bring Keith’s self-assuredness back and to put him into proper headspace. 

Just as Shiro allows himself to lose the tension (a little) and believe that they’re on safe territory now, Keith refuses to play along and answer simple questions.

Shiro is confused. He can’t fathom what the reasons for such behavior may be. Did he act too tough, after all? It must be the punishment he’d promised. Keith is not ready for such harsh measures at this stage.

Doubting himself amidst a scene is not the best feeling.

Should Shiro put a stop to it?

Should he be the one to say “red”?

At that very moment, as if sensing his inner turmoil, Keith starts talking and finally, finally, gives himself over to Shiro. Shiro feels such profound relief that he can’t hold in a long sigh. Keith doesn’t seem to notice. He’s a little out of it already. He started crying at some point which is very much not in character for him; another worrisome detail Shiro decides to ignore. He doesn’t notice any other signs of distress and Keith’s: “Green” is clear and steady. 

Keith looks delectable in his already debauched state which Shiro also tells him. Keith’s breath hitches. Shiro decides to be mean and adds that Keith will soon have very evident reasons to shed more tears. If anything, it makes Keith square his shoulders and exhale slowly as if preparing for a fight. That’s it. So much better. That’s what Shiro likes about Keith.

The show can go on, now. 

When ordered, Keith puts himself over Shiro’s knees gingerly, then grabs a throw pillow from the couch with the newfound determination. Shiro can’t stop his smirk; he is about to give Keith a reason to hold onto this pillow in a false hope it would alleviate the pain somehow.

He’s a treat, lying over Shiro’s knees like that, flushed and mortified, but still forcing himself to stay in place. Keith needs some time to process what’s happening to him, and Shiro allows it. Just a minute or two. Meanwhile, Shiro rubs his back, makes a few corrections to the positions of Keith’s hands and knees just for the sake of it and asks for Keith’s color, again.

After another “green” in an even voice, he proceeds.

The first spanks are often overwhelming - they somehow always come out of the blue, Shiro remembers it from his own brief experience as a spankee. So it doesn’t come as a surprise that, when Shiro delivers the first slap to Keith’s rear (not even a hard one), Keith tenses, bucks up wildly and dislodges his pillow to the floor. Obviously, he didn’t expect the pain. Seems like the lotion on his butt made him a disservice, magnifying the effect of the spank. Shiro is not feeling smug about that, no. He doesn’t.

“Easy, boy,” - mutters Shiro, soothing Keith with a few touches to his back and shoulders. He gives Keith a moment, then asks placidly: “Alright, Keith. Ready to go?”

Keith stretches one arm out and pulls the pillow back where it was. He makes a cute picture: with a single red handprint on his ass, alarmed and disheveled.

“Yes, sir,” - Keith says. This time, he sounds so small and afraid that Shiro suddenly wants to take him in his arms and cuddle instead of punishing. That won’t do - and cuddling is not what Keith expects (and needs!) now but Shiro can’t make himself hit Keith’s rump just yet.

Keith interprets the pause wrong. He visibly braces himself and repeats in a much more resolute voice:

“Please, spank me, sir! I’ll be good this time!”

Shiro can barely suppress an incredulous laugh. The absurdity of the situation dawns on him.

All the time, Shiro is so afraid to let Keith see his real feelings. He hides so well that Keith wouldn’t guess the reason behind Shiro’s indecisiveness if he tried.

This reminder of the distance between them is unexpectedly painful.

As if all Shiro ever wants from Keith is to give Keith a firm spank to his backside.

He can’t be truthful with Keith even in a moment like this - when Keith is at his most vulnerable and Shiro is virtually more “on top” than ever.

It’s so weird and insane and unfair to both of them that Shiro feels like standing up and running for the bathroom to vomit.

And he would, if not for his partner being in a certain headspace already. Shiro brought him there. Shiro directed this scene. Shiro made Keith submit to him.

Now Shiro has to give it to Keith.

What are you waiting for? - taunts an inner voice, sounding suspiciously like Adam’s. - Afraid to live a little? Afraid to do anything that isn’t your damned work?

Shiro tries to shake it off. That’s not it. That’s not what matters now. But, of course, the doubt lingers - it will haunt him at night.

Shiro’s fingers map Keith’s body as if they’d been programmed to do it. It grounds Shiro. Keith is warm and very much present - he is here with Shiro, for Shiro. His breathing is calm and certain. He doesn’t fuss, doesn’t act out in impatience; he doesn’t call Shiro out on his dumbassery. 

Keith probably doesn’t even think of Shiro as anything other than his executor right now. As it ought to be. Keith is amidst a scene. 

Shiro needs to get a grip.

“Hey, boy?” - Shiro asks. His voice is like gravel; let Keith think it’s his arousal talking.

“Shiro?” - the voice sounds very close to the usual Keith. Too close.

Somehow, Keith fell out of his role despite Shiro’s efforts. As if he sensed that there’s something wrong with Shiro. What a ridiculous thought. 

He had to get more aware because Shiro made him wait for an inappropriate amount of time, nothing else.

Shiro continues as if nothing is amiss.

“It’s Shiro now, huh? Still fishing for trouble, are we?”

It’s alright. He will make it. He will deliver. Then, later, when Keith’s butt is freshly baked and its owner is asleep, emotionally and physically exhausted, Shiro will go to the bathroom and do whatever his heart desires: cry, punch the walls, maybe, get himself filthy drunk and then vomit, after all. But now - he’s going to get a hold of himself and do what’s required of him.

Not responding verbally to Keith’s shouts of: “No, sir! Please, no additional spanks! I’ll be good!”, Shiro lifts his hand and lets it fall heavily across both cheeks.

Keith’s startled outcry is exactly what Shiro expected to hear. Predictability makes things better. Shiro is able to lose himself in the rhythm of his hands dancing over Keith’s flushed skin. Slap - cry - wiggle - slap - whimper - moan - slap, and so on. It’s so easy, and, amazingly, Keith is doing rather well. The lotion soon cools off, leaving only hot skin and forming bruises in its wake. 

Shiro continues spanking Keith even when his skin starts turning from rosy to crimson. He’s meaning every blow now. Their game today is heavier and dirtier than what they'd done before. 

It’s also… more personal, somehow. Shiro is acting more the way he’d always wanted. Before, he’d tone his urges down for Keith’s sake. At the moment, he feels that it’s allowed. He’s also meaner than usual. He mocks Keith; he pauses to part Keith’s smarting cheeks and play with his hole, adding more lewd remarks on the way.

At some point, Shiro’s gloomy mood fades away. Things feel right again. 

Shiro didn’t mean to make the warm-up so long - to be honest, it can’t be called a warm-up anymore.

What matters for Shiro now is that Keith looks exquisite, and he submits beautifully.

He suffers through every slap, every hit to his reddened flesh. He doesn’t try to evade the blows - more like he’s leaning into them, craving them, needing them; needing Shiro to paint his butt black and blue and clean his conscience.

Keith... Shiro has never seen him as perfect as he is now.

His previous doubts be damned, Shiro gets consumed with the task of marking Keith up.

At some point, his gaze lands on the belt that is still waiting patiently in its place on the coffee table. Not saying a word to Keith, Shiro manhandles him so that he is lying over the couch arm, his fiery-red ass on display. Shiro can’t help it. He stares. That’s the most delicious, perfect ass that he’s ever seen. Keith is perfect. Perfect for him. So clever and strong-willed yet pliant and trusting. So afraid of pain but able to take it like a champ.

Under Shiro’s heated gaze, Keith quivers. He didn’t lose the pillow he’s been hugging all this time - and now he’s holding onto it as if it were a lifeline.

And again, Keith gets Shiro’s silence wrong. Again, he visibly steels himself, and says, his voice wet and wrecked:

“Please, give me the belt, sir.”

Keith can’t even imagine what his words are doing to Shiro right now. This boy. He deserves to ask anything from Shiro, anything, after what he’s gifting Shiro with now.

Aloud, Shiro says, the picture of control and rationality:

“It’s nice of you to ask politely, Keith. It was 15 with the belt, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Let’s make it 12, for your good behaviour.”

“Thank you, sir,” - and, oh, deities if all kinds, Keith’s voice is so full of gratitude. This boy is too good to be true.

“Maybe, that will teach you that being good is in your best interests, boy.”

Without further preamble, Shiro taps Keith ass with the leather and lands the first strike.

Keith cries out, loudly, then hisses, as the real impact begins to seep into his skin. He doesn’t move from the position though. Shiro is proud.

So it goes. The belt flies, Keith flinches, moans and sputters, Shiro admires Keith.

After the twelfth, final blow, Keith thanks Shiro. It turns Shiro’s insides to mush.

The belting leaves Keith with wide, angry-looking stripes all over both ass cheeks, down to the top of his buttocks (Shiro couldn’t deny himself; Keith almost screamed at those blows - magnificent). Shiro repositions Keith again - back onto his lap, bottom-up.

“10 with the brush, baby,” - Shiro reminds Keith, making him whimper and even sob.

“It's going to hurt, right?” - inquires Keith in a small voice. His hands around the pillow tighten.

“Very much so, dear. But it won’t sting as badly as the belt did. Small mercies.”

Keith sniffles and settles.

Shiro can’t resist the temptation - he traces the worst bruises with his fingertips, enjoying Keith’s hissing and squirming, and his futile attempts at lying still.

“Shall we begin?” - Shiro asks poshly just to taunt Keith a little more, taps the brush against Keith’s crack a few times and then, without another warning, strikes.

The resulting shriek is marvelous so Shiro adds another blow. And another. And another… Until he notices that he doesn’t count, just tries to disperse the dark-red hue evenly across Keith’s ass.

So he stops. He might have overdone it already. 

“That’s it. That’s it with the spanking. One more little punishment for my naughty boy, and it’ll be over,” - Shiro finds himself saying. 

Unbelievably, but Keith nods and thanks him profoundly, again, his voice hitching on sobs and hoarse from all the crying.

Shiro gives him time to calm down, a chance to make sense of what he’s been through just now. But not too long. It’s better if Keith is still submissive when he is presented with ginger.

Shiro helps Keith lie down on his belly on the couch, then stands up and goes to the kitchen to fetch supplies: the ginger root from the fridge, the sharp knife and the medical gloves. Then, he returns to the living room, dons the gloves and starts shaping the instrument of Keith’s final torture.

“I should have made you carve it yourself. But I don’t trust you with a knife right now, baby. Don’t you worry, though. You’re in good hands. I’ll make you the prettiest ginger plug ever.”

Shiro never stops talking to Keith while he’s at it: how it’s going to be thin enough to go inside easily; how ginger’s natural juices will give enough glide; how Keith will have to wait for a little while for the sting to really show itself.

When the root’s form is to Shiro’s liking, he commands:

“Stand up and position yourself over the couch’s arm, same as for the belting.”

Keith is steady on his legs and Shiro feels the need to praise him when he manages to fulfill Shiro’s order. “Good,” - he says and is treated to the sight of Keith shuddering in response.

As before, Shiro needs a moment to look his fill. Shiro just loves how Keith’s ass looks like in this position - red and purple and dark-blue - and the fact that Keith has allowed Shiro to do this to himself, offered himself, thanked Shiro for his pain - it’s beyond anything Shiro’s experienced.

Shiro’s mouth seems to be intent on producing as much filth as possible:

“Show me where the ginger goes.”

Keith swallows but does as he’s told. He yelps when he has to touch his punished butt - but obediently tugs his battered cheeks in opposite directions nonetheless. 

Shiro is generous with mortifying commentary:

“Yeah, slowly, show me your pretty little hole. A pretty hole for a fine ginger plug - isn’t that lovely?”

And indeed, Keith’s asshole, dusty pink and twitching, looks mesmerizing. 

What Shiro wants is to fig the little hole, then spank it, and then stuff it full with his cock. After that - wash it up from his come and start anew. 

Shiro wants Keith’s hole hot to the touch, ruined and hurting. Like that, it’d be more alluring than ever. Shiro imagines Keith whining and mewling when Shiro plays with his poor ass, imagines sliding inside slowly while Keith holds his breath and cries silently because the pain is too much but he would still let Shiro do that to him…

Keith’s light whimper brings Shiro back from his daydream. In front of him, his boy is still bowed with his hole on display. Keith’s hands seem to tremble a little, and his whole body is tense.

Keith is being so good for Shiro.

Weirdly, but Keith’s utter vulnerability elicits another strong urge to soothe Keith in Shiro.

What are these waves? These weird mood swings? Why does he want to torture Keith one second, then wrap him up in a soft blanket and never let him go, the next?

(He needs to be at a therapist’s, not domming a boy he’s in love with.)

Shiro puts a level hand on Keith’s back. It startles Keith but only a little.

“That’s it. Doing so well, baby.”

Keith moans. Shiro can’t help but notice that his praise affects Keith more than usual.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

The worrier in Shiro just wants to put a stop to it all. Again. But Keith… Keith is going to be the death of Shiro since he steadies his stance and says in a firm tone:

“I am ready, sir! I can take it!”

He’s ridiculous. Infuriating. So dumb!

And Shiro is completely smitten with him.

“Alright, boy. You can let your butt go. Relax the muscles as much as you can now.”

Keith takes it better than Shiro would have expected, especially after his nervousness at the start of the ordeal. He stays relaxed through the process of insertion. He keeps his position like a good boy. He also doesn’t fight Shiro when the latter decides to torture his nipples. 

Shiro leans over Keith’s back and finds the little nubs by touch. He rubs them until they're puffy and oversensitive. Now, Keith can’t lay still anymore. The pain and arousal must be too intense to be endured silently and motionlessly. Keith squirms like an eel, whines, and, of course, every other Shiro’s caress makes Keith clench on the vicious plug.

This time, Shiro is mindful of time passing. No longer than 10 minutes after the figging started, Shiro takes the ginger out and loses his gloves.

Keith whimpers when the root is taken out of his entrance but sighs in relief when the sting begins to dim.

  
  
  


Actually, Shiro was a little dishonest before. Figging wasn’t really the last part.

Keith’s cock has gone soft in the last 20 minutes, observes Shiro. All the better for Shiro’s plans.

“Now, baby, the very last thing for today. It’s another method of correction but it won’t hurt. Since you demonstrated a complete absence of self-control when it comes to your pleasure before, I am stepping in to help.”

With this, Shiro shows Keith the cock cage. Keith’s breath hitches and he whispers meekly:

“No, please, Shiro, I don’t want this. Please, don’t make me.”

“Do you need to safeword out, Keith?” – Shiro asks bluntly.

The pause that follows almost makes Shiro call the whole thing off ( _which he kinda maybe should have done a while ago_ ). Pushing Keith beyond his limits is one thing, forcing him into something he despises is not what either of them needs.

“No, Shiro” – says Keith, unwaveringly, and it seals his fate. Now, Shiro just needs him to stay still while Shiro furnishes him with his new decoration piece. To give Shiro access, Keith is made to sit on the couch’s arm (not a pleasant thing for Keith in his state), Shiro settles between his legs and gets to work.

The size is just right.

Keith’s cock fits inside snugly, with just a little space left for his comfort. It is a definite plus that Keith keeps his genital area hairless. Even so, he’ll have to step up his hygiene protocols for some period – it’s mostly easier to stay in chastity when there’s no pubic hair. Shiro is not letting him out easily – not with the kind of attitude he demonstrated.

When the last pieces are assembled and the tiny padlock is locked, Shiro can admire his handiwork properly. Keith’s package never looked better to him. Keith’s member looks small, tamed, useless – the very effect Shiro wanted to gain from this. Keith’s balls are forced a little away from his body by the cage’s ring, so neat and just a little puffy. 

Keith’s cock is clearly visible through the bars of the cage - Shiro was choosing the design keeping in mind that Keith would have to keep his cock clean - and it shouldn’t be too much of a chore. But Keith won’t be able to touch it properly at all, let alone give it a stroke.

Meanwhile, Keith is shifting restlessly where he is sitting on the armrest of the couch. His ass cheeks and his ass channel must be stinging. Keith keeps his eyes averted, not wanting to look and see what is done to him. That won’t do. Unless he safewords, this metal cage will be his reality for quite some time. He would have to get used to it.

Shiro takes Keith by the hand and guides him to the big mirror. There, he pulls Keith to himself, Keith’s back to his chest. Keith hisses when his ass and thighs collide with Shiro’s jeans. It distracts him from the view in the mirror, at first. But when Keith finally pays attention, he gasps in shock. 

His mouth forming the perfect “O”, Keith stares at the reflection of his locked up cock. His face reflects many things: surprise, indignation, worry, confusion, and _awe_.

Shiro doesn’t let him linger on this view; Keith will have all the time in the world to come to terms with it later. His ass though… Later, it won’t look as majestic as right after the spanking. Keith needs to see. Shiro manhandles Keith so that his back is to the mirror now and urges him to take a peek at the welts. He allows Keith to hold onto him for balance and makes a show of touching and grabbing his dark-red ass, earning loud whines and pathetic whimpers. 

Shiro even spreads Keith’s ass cheeks apart to give Keith a good view of his red, puffy, irritated hole. Keith turns away, his eyes squeezed tightly in obvious shame. 

Shiro doesn’t make him watch against his will. Keith survived a lot of humiliation today; enough is enough.

“Time for a shower, baby,” – Shiro announces and tugs Keith to the bathroom.

Keith follows Shiro, reluctantly, as if at a loss of how to act now that the horrors are over.

“But, it’s metal, how will I wash myself with it on...” - Keith asks, his bare feet are hitting the wooden floor with a nice sound.

“It’s quality steel. If you don’t spend your whole day sitting in the bath, you’ll be fine. No need to worry,” - Shiro explains. Keith stalls next to him, the wheels in his head turning. Then a thought emerges in his mind that has him stopping mid-step.

“And at some point, I will need to… Shiro! Do I have to pee _in this_ , too?” – now Keith sounds downright scandalized.

“Yes? Is there a problem, baby?”

“I hate you!”

With that, Keith breaks out of Shiro’s hold and stalks to the bathroom. He closes the door with a bang. Despite it, Shiro follows him inside – it wouldn’t be prudent of him to leave Keith alone after such a long scene.

To his astonishment and horror, he finds Keith crying in the corner of the shower cabin. Shiro immediately kneels on the floor next to the cabin, close enough to touch but not in Keith’s personal space. Not anymore.

“Keith, what’s wrong?” - Shiro sounds calm but inside, his guts feel as if they are being squished by an invisible force.

Keith has to try to start talking several times before he manages:

“You’re so bored with me you need to use these… these… weird toys! And I can’t even follow a simple command! And…!”

Shiro couldn’t have predicted such a reaction if he tried. He? Bored with Keith? How does it even work in that clever head of his? 

Shiro takes a deep breath and tells Keith in his most soothing, reassuring tone possible:

“Keith, look at me. I am in no way bored. It’s out of the question. It’s the other way around, you see? I am so very pleased with you right now. You took your punishment so well, you accepted the cage, you’re such a brave, strong boy…”

Shiro has to stop abruptly cause his traitorous tongue almost adds the logical: “I love you”.

Keith sniffles sadly and takes deep, shivering breaths for a minute. Shiro just hopes he’ll allow the touch soon - he needs to start the hot water going as soon as possible so that Keith doesn’t freeze.

Suddenly, Keith exclaims in this pouty way of his:

“I can’t even touch my cock now.”

Shiro sags in relief. If Keith is throwing tantrums, he’s OK for now.

“That was the goal,” - Shiro assures Keith and makes him stand up slowly so that Shiro can turn on the faucet and finally clean him up.

“What if someone notices at work?” - Keith asks when the water starts. From the direction of his gaze, Shiro guesses it’s not about the bruises, it’s about the chastity cage.

“It’s not bigger than your cock when it’s soft. The added bonus: zero chance of an unwanted hard-on in a public place.”

“I want it off,” - Keith mutters, letting Shiro lather him up and rinse him.

“I know.”

“It’s intrusive.”

“I bet it is.”

“I hate it!”

“Nothing I haven’t heard before. The real question is: do you need to safeword?”

Keith shakes his head, and Shiro proceeds to towel him off.

He doesn’t allow Keith to walk to the bedroom, despite the heated glares he sends Shiro’s way from where he’s held in Shiro’s arms bridal-style.

In the bedroom, Shiro puts Keith on his front and indulges himself in admiring various welts and bruises. He puts cooling lotion over Keith’s butt and thighs which helps Keith relax. When he feels that Keith can be left alone for a minute, Shiro brings him water and some dark chocolate. Of course, Shiro praises Keith for consuming it and is treated to a soft blush.

Later, when they are both under the covers and ready to sleep. Keith seeks out Shiro’s embrace and curls up next to him. He falls asleep to Shiro petting him.

  
Shiro, on the opposite, stays awake for another hour, debating whether what he did now was a disaster and whether Keith will run away from him next chance he gets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehey! Thank you for reading!
> 
> What do you say? Did you like the chapter?
> 
> Was Shiro too intense? What do you think, should he have stopped?
> 
> Also, the cage is really unfair, isn't it! Keith totally disapproves.
> 
> Don't forget to subscribe if you're into chastity: the next chapter will be centered around Keith's horny struggles!  
> Be nice to each other and have a wonderful day!


	8. Interlude 2. Allura

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allura (Keith's boss in this fic) remembers a fairy tale from her childhood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dears!
> 
> This chapter is small and is told from Allura's POV.  
> I hope that I will be able to finish the next regular chapter soon. My life has been kinda wild lately. Hope it gets calmer.
> 
> Have a nice day!

When Allura was little, she used to read fairy tales from a thin, old book. 

The book was fragile and adorned with ear-tags as well as many scribbles on the borders of the pages. Allura found that book under a bench in the library where her grandad took her. The librarians didn’t know where the book came from so they let Allura take it home.

Allura remembers feeling especially lucky that day. Allura thinks she was a little obsessed with her book. She remembers reading her book over and over again, making her own notes in it, taking it with her to her friends to share their favourite fairy tales… until it got lost somewhere along the way. Allura doesn’t remember how she took the loss.

Now, Allura can only recall one story from that book.

Like many other fairy tales, it’s about a man and a woman.

It’s simple but Allura still likes it anyway.

  
  


♖♖♖

_There once was a man._

_He was wealthy and powerful, his house full of expensive things and rare gems. He lived in a big tower made of glass for he was in love with dusk and dawn and never wanted to miss even a single one of those._

_The man also had a horse. It was a great, strong mare with hooves sparkling like stars and a mane black as the night and just as beautiful._

_Once, the man took his horse and went to the nearest town, for rich men also need some company from time to time. There, at a tavern, he met a woman. She was bold and free, and her wit was as sharp as the blade in the sheath at her hip, hidden behind her long, billowing red skirts. They talked, and the man offered her good wines and the finest meats. She agreed, laughing and teasing him, and he was ready to give up everything just to see her maddening smile one more time._

_The man told the woman about his castle, about his love for the setting and rising sun, about his horse and his gems. The woman listened._

_They parted ways when it was time for the man to be going home. His heart ached at the thought of leaving the gorgeous and clever woman behind, but she didn’t ask to come, so he didn’t pose the question._

_The next time, they met when he came to the town to fetch some supplies. She agreed to visit his castle but only if she would be able to return to the town before the sun would set. “I have a cat, - she said. - She won’t like it if I don’t warm my bed for her.”_

_The man didn’t need to be told twice; if the woman was refusing to stay the night, he wouldn’t make her._

_They spent a lovely day together in the man’s tower. When it was time for the woman to go, she refused to ride back with the man on his raven-haired horse. “It’s time for you to watch the sun set. You won’t make it if you spend your time ferrying me around. I will be at my doorstep in an hour, right before my cat returns from her rat hunt,” - she said and left, her scarlet skirts falling like bloodied rose petals on the glass steps of the tower’s spiral staircase._

_The man stayed, and he watched the figure in red strut resolutely away from the castle until it became too small to be seen even with his sharp sight. For the first time in his life, he didn’t notice when dusk settled since his eyes were for the woman only._

  
  


_The third time they met, it was at a crossroads between the town and the man’s glass tower. The man was going to travel to the Far, Far Lands and find the unimaginable treasures hidden there. He only took his long black sword and his star-blessed mare. The woman, on the other hand, wanted to see the world. She only took her red cat and her blade that never left her anyway._

_“Do you want to go to the Far, Far Lands and search for the unimaginable treasure with me?”_

_“I have no interest in gold or emeralds,” - started the woman, and the man’s heart fell. The sword at his back suddenly felt like an impossible burden to carry._

_Yet, the beautiful woman continued after a blink of hesitation: “But the Far, Far Lands sound good enough for me.”_

_The man smiled, so bright and happy that the woman couldn’t help but grin in response._

_The man mounted his mare and held out a hand to the woman. Agile and fearless, she climbed the tall mare in one graceful leap and settled behind his back._

_“My cat asks whether there are mice for her to hunt,” - the woman said when the mare started._

_“We won’t know until we get there, - the man responded truthfully. - But if we find none, we’ll travel as long as necessary for your hunter to be sated.”_

_At that, the man spurred his mare on and they rode off, uncaring for what they left behind and what awaited them in the foreign lands._

_They held close all that mattered._

♘♘♘

Allura likes that the strong man from the tower didn’t have to fight anyone just for the chance of meeting the woman he would fall in love with. Or become friends with. Allura isn't sure what happened to the characters of the fairy tale after all these years. When she was little, she thought that they became best friends. Later, she thought that they were lovers. Now, she thinks that they might have been both. Also, that they might have stopped seeing each other at some point because of a misunderstanding during their travel or even met other people to fall for. Anything could have happened.

But there's a variant of the man and the woman's future Allura favours. In it, they did arrive at their destination safely, and there were plenty of gems and coins as well as mice in the Far, Far Lands. But the cat insisted that the rats from home tasted a thousand times better so, in the end, the small party decided to get back to their hometown.

Allura imagines that upon their return, the man and the woman found partners for their cat and mare, too, and lived happily ever after in the tower full of kitties and foals. It's the most suitable end, to her.

One day at lunch break, Allura retells the fairy tale to Keith.

Keith asks, incredulous: “Did they really meet at a crossroads, completely by accident? Things just don't happen that way!”

Allura only shrugs in reply. Why be so serious? It’s a fairy tale, not a biography. Keith sometimes takes things a little too literally and reacts too strongly. She needs to remember it for the future to avoid certain triggers - no need to make their conversations unpleasant for both of them with badly chosen topics. This time, Allura steers them back on course with a tricky question about a certain algorithm Keith is intimately acquainted with. As expected, Keith takes the bait, and they talk about their tasks until the food is gone and it's time to leave the friendly cafe. 

Allura considers their lunch a success. A little bonding moment with an employee she cares about.

If only she could explain to herself why Keith looks so sad while they are walking back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what do you say?  
> Can you see Sheith behind Allura's metaphors?
> 
> If you liked my fairy tale, you can go and give it kudos since I published it as a separate story a while ago:  
> [The Mare and the Blade](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22676572/)
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> ^--^


	9. Good Things Never Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith spends more time with a chastity cage on his dick than he expected.  
> Shiro keeps being a horrible tease, and Keith really hates him for it (no).
> 
> Shiro receives some big news as well. The news that has the potential to change the situation between Shiro and Keith irreparably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dears!
> 
> I am a little sick, but I still spent all my free time lately on writing and editing this chapter! I couldn't manage it to Shiro's birthday, unfortunately. My best, if belated wishes to out sweet birthday boy, in whatever AU he is or will be!
> 
> To the chapter. It contains exactly what this fic should have been about: Keith and his cock cage. Silly me, added so much plot to it!
> 
> Also, it's International Women's Day! I congratulate the female part of my audience and wish us equal opportunities, equal rights and lots of power to battle the challenges life throws at us!
> 
> Upd.: Keith doesn't use his safeword when his negative emotions get out of control, which of course, is not the way to go. If it may be a trigger, it's one paragraph starting with: "Sometimes in such moments, when Shiro asks for his color..."

Keith hates his cock cage with passion.

It’s the worst thing to ever happen to him. He hates it, he hates it, he hates it!

The cage is a nuisance. It’s tight, rigid, and merciless. It takes away the freedoms Keith wasn’t even aware he had. Like the freedom to touch his own fucking dick whenever he pleases, for example. He isn’t even talking about jerking off right now! Seriously, he can’t even close his hand around his member without the metal bars in the way, let alone give himself a nice tug or fuck his own fist…

Shiro’s resourcefulness will be the death of Keith.

Speaking about his bossy sex-friend/crush… Even more than the cage itself, Keith hates how smug Shiro acts around it. As if it’s just an unoffending shenanigan. As if making your partner wear a metal contraption on their genitals and never taking it off except for regular cleanings is entirely normal!

Keith can’t stand Shiro’s arrogant smiles and pointed glances. Before the cage, Keith could ignore those, but now - now witnessing Shiro’s self-satisfaction is simply unbearable.

(Keith deliberately ignores the way butterflies dance in his stomach whenever one of Shiro’s cocky, infuriating, radiant grins is aimed at him). 

This new predicament made Keith’s life ten thousand times harder. And yet, Keith doesn’t have it in him to safeword. He simply can’t make himself say the words and be free. Because honestly? Keith doesn’t even remember the option exists unless Shiro reminds him.

Miraculously, Keith also doesn’t think about Shiro abandoning him as often as he did before. As if the piece of metal on his junk truly means something.

Keith is hopeless.

  
  
  


Keith’s Big Spanking left him sore for days. As soon as the bruises on his ass faded, Keith started asking Shiro when the cage would come off. The first time he asked, Shiro only laughed and said that Keith’s cock is finally treated right: all locked up and safe from Keith’s wandering hands. Why change that? 

In response to Keith’s fussing, Shiro called Keith naughty and kissed him tenderly on the nose. Keith was so confused and embarrassed that he didn’t pose that same question for another two days. Needless to say that the answer didn’t change after this time; it’s silly how much Keith hoped it would.

Then, Keith started asking daily. Whining, cajoling, and even shouting was not beneath Keith, he found out. It lasted for about 5 days. No matter what, every single time Shiro refused to let Keith out of the cage, even to play a little. Keith almost earned himself another proper spanking a few times. But every time Keith rebelled, Shiro, feigning mercy, let Keith’s rudeness go after several light slaps to his clothed rear. The memories of the Big Spanking were still fresh, so Keith was thankful for Shiro’s caution - yeah, Keith truly feared another session with the brush - but at the same time, Shiro’s behavior was slightly suspicious. Unfortunately, Keith couldn’t find any viable reason for it so he didn’t bring it up.

However well Keith adjusts, the cage stays a threat to Keith’s sanity.

There were a few close calls when Keith needed to get changed at work or went to the gym, but nothing too bad followed. No one found out what’s wrong with Keith.

The most mortifying thing of all happened when Lance saw Keith naked and with his metal cage on. To Keith’s utter horror, Lance only said that it looked good on Keith and that he wished his boyfriend (if he ever has one) would be into it. Keith wanted to warn him, wanted to tell Lance to never fall into this trap, but his mouth was suddenly too dry to talk, and Lance was already turning and leaving. They didn't talk about it again after, and Lance acted very decently around Keith. Keith still found himself choking on words and sputtering in Lance’s presence until he left their shared flat. 

Upon coming home, Keith told Shiro about this case. Shiro got worried initially, but after Keith explained that it’s not that bad (if VERY awkward) and that Lance is a good friend, Keith got a dicking of his lifetime. 

Apparently, demonstrating his ownership of Keith to the world (even if it just one Lance) gets Shiro hot. Keith can’t complain. 

Later that night, Keith imagined Hunk carefully cleaning Lance’s light-blue cage for him and promising Lance a nice milking if he behaves. At Lance’s fussing, Hunk reacted with his usual gentleness and hushed Lance with some bullshit phrases like: “Good boys stay locked, baby!” 

Keith shook his head vehemently to clear the vision from his mind. He doesn’t need to remember this fantasy every time Hunk drops by…

Then, Keith wondered what Lance would’ve said if he witnessed Keith’s spanking or the results of it. He’d probably be angry at Shiro for hurting Keith like that. But, who knows? What if he’d want to lie down next to Keith and offer his ass for a whipping, too? Maybe, Lance is into kinkier stuff than Keith and Shiro.

  
  


All in all, sooner than later they both settled into their new routines.

Almost every day, Keith wakes up to unpleasant sensations between his legs: his cock tries to harden but is never able to achieve that; it leaks, aches, pulls… Keith is very vocal about his displeasure.

Truth be told, Shiro made Keith use some baby oil to keep the tender skin of his groin from chafing from the very start of this ordeal- which means most of Keith’s complaints are just a tiny little bit exaggerated. Keith still thinks his sour mood is completely justified.

Shiro’s mood, on the other hand… To say it’s much better than usual is a big understatement. Shiro likes what he’s doing to Keith. He enjoys Keith’s humiliation. He revels in it. 

Shiro likes feeling for the cage through the fabric of Keith’s pants; likes dipping his hand in Keith’s underwear to cup the metal contraption in his palm; likes playing with the stretches of exposed skin between the bars when Keith is naked. 

Shiro likes talking to Keith about how lovely his cock looks, all snug and locked away. He likes helping Keith dress, likes tucking Keith’s soft, imprisoned, tormented cock in the panties of Shiro’s choosing (also a novelty, one Keith doesn’t know what to think of) and whispering filth into Keith’s ears.

  
  


Some evenings, Keith begs to be fucked, and Shiro refuses just to see Keith squirm and go to work absolutely desperate the next day. 

Some mornings, Keith wakes up to Shiro touching his swollen balls softly, murmuring obscene promises.

Some days, Keith thinks about calling Shiro at lunch and demanding he come to Keith’s work with the key to his cage, and unlock it.

Keith wonders: is this his life from now on?

  
  


On the outside, Keith rages, and seethes, and is grumpy. He is grateful that Shiro doesn’t buy it: apart from his regular check-ups on Keith’s colour, Shiro doesn’t react to Keith’s bad mood in any way. Because on the inside Keith feels peaceful as never before.

Common sense tells Keith to stop counting days since the start of his prolonged punishment and concentrate on something else. Distract himself. Maybe, Keith would’ve been able to follow through with such a plan if it weren’t for Shiro’s presence next to him every day. But not only is Shiro there as a constant reminder, Shiro also does his own counting. He simply sends Keith texts with the number of days passed: “10”, “15”, “21”... One such text and Keith can’t concentrate on the task at hand for another half an hour or more. One such text and Keith has to search for his dildo and fuck himself with it as best as he can once he gets home - until he is too sensitive to go on or until Shiro catches him and takes charge.

All in all, it’s a very tough month.

Just to think about it: a whole month! Keith can’t wrap his mind around the concept. 

And what does it mean for him, a month spent in chastity?

It’s 30 days of never getting hard (cleaning times don’t count). 

It’s 30 mornings when Keith couldn’t just go to the bathroom and jerk off.

It’s 30 nights when all Keith wished for was Shiro’s dick in his ass.

It’s hard to believe that he’s come to this.

Keith wasn’t into edging or denial when he started seeing Shiro. Keith was aware that these things were a part of someone’s sex-life but they never were his preference. Were Keith to fantasize about submissive men and trapped dicks, he’d imagine himself in the position of a Dom. 

Come to think of it... Orgasm denial is only hot when it comes in tandem with Shiro. So maybe it’s just Keith’s overall Shiro-kink, not a sudden change of faith.

Of course, Keith had to do research at some point. Googling chastity blogs wasn’t exactly eye-opening, but it was useful in many ways. Keith found many practical pieces of advice and was able to learn others’ experiences there, for example.

Among other things, the internet said that a month is a lot for one’s first chastity experience. This meant Shiro (supposedly) wasn’t doing it right. Keith considered bringing up the topic but the right moment never came. 

Keith doesn’t think that being introduced to being caged slowly, in baby steps, would've helped him any. Keith would only get more frustrated from one try to the next.

So Keith kinda approves of Shiro’s boldness in this venture.

When it boils down to the essentials, Shiro wanted to be in control of Keith’s pleasure, and Keith wanted Shiro to get whatever he wanted from Keith. It’s possible that physically preventing Keith from misbehaving was the only way to achieve this goal. Keith knows himself. He’d never be able to keep his hands to himself. As much as he enjoys jumping for Shiro as high as Shiro wants him to, he also likes his orgasms, thank you very much. Pair it up with Keith’s mediocre impulse control - and Keith alone, unsupervised and with full access to his cock would be set up for failure.

To more obvious news: Keith is hornier than ever.

His horniness evolved too, though.

Before the cage, Keith was the usual greedy type: greedy for touches, greedy for rough games, greedy for orgasms and all possible sensations Shiro could wring from him.

Now, Keith relishes the times when Shiro just uses him for his pleasure. While Shiro fucks him, Keith doesn’t mind being caged. His head fills with pleasant fog, and he enjoys being held, being restrained, being unable to stimulate himself from the front.

He often comes like that, in his tiny, horrible cage. It’s not the same as coming freely at all. It’s as if the anticipation is more fun than the orgasm. It’s a thing in itself, and Keith isn’t sure he won’t miss caged orgasms when this experiment comes to an end.

The fact that Shiro is much more devious than he pretends to be shouldn’t have surprised Keith after spending several months together, but here Keith is, discovering new depth to Shiro’s evilness every day.

For example, the easiest torment to implement, but a very effective one, at that: Shiro keeps Keith constantly agitated. With words, and gentle touches, and carefully crafted messages. He often asks Keith to bend over the sofa’s arm, naked, and stay there for Shiro’s viewing pleasure until Shiro allows him to leave. Shiro likes to spank Keith lightly then, if he feels like it, or talk about figging Keith again someday. The humiliation makes Keith’s eyes water. He doesn’t know why but this position bothers him so much. Is it because he received his most thorough corporal punishment so far just like that? Is it because there’s a metal cage around his member, and Shiro can totally see it glint between his thighs? In such moments, Shiro’s heated gaze on Keith is palpable, gliding over his unblemished skin and his tamed cock. Keith is not permitted speech when Shiro has him bare and bent, so he only lies there and trembles, until Shiro offers him pity in one form or another.

Once or twice, Shiro milks him. It’s a weird feeling Keith isn’t sure he likes. It certainly helps with the issue of blue balls but doesn’t bring any satisfaction. If anything, it only makes Keith hornier. Getting fucked in the ass by Shiro is so much better in all senses. Too bad Shiro sometimes chooses to ask for a blowjob...

But if it’s with Shiro, everything is worth it. 

Keith knows that Shiro loves doing cruel things to him, reducing Keith to a helpless, blubbering mess. What Keith doesn’t know is which option he’d prefer: for this limbo of constant arousal and tender balls to continue forever or to get rid of the damned cage for good as soon as possible.

If Shiro let Keith out for real, it would mean the severance of their newly established connection, the end to their delicious powerplay. It would destroy the illusion of fully belonging to Shiro - if not as a significant other, then at least as his living sex toy. 

Keith swears to himself that the illusion is enough. He tries to persuade himself that his current predicament is not as grim as he’d believed it would be. Many of his predictions about living in chastity didn’t fulfill themselves, after all. For example, he was able to get used to having this thing on constantly and having to wash or pee with it still on. He thought he never could go about his day like usual, having a chastity cage under his jeans. It still feels surreal sometimes, sitting beside Allura in a meeting and having his dick trapped in a metal prison, but it’s not the disaster Keith had anticipated.

When it gets too bad, Keith taunts Shiro until he snaps and takes Keith in hand. Be it a lesson in humiliation at Shiro’s feet or an evening spent with a vibrating plug up his ass, set on low so that Keith wouldn’t be able to get off from that, Shiro’s countermeasures usually help with taking Keith out of his head. Even overwhelmed and crying from overstimulation, when his real feelings are close to the surface, Keith refuses to feel pity for himself. He wants this, Keith orders himself to think, he needs this; this is his miracle chance to get a piece of Shiro when in all honesty he doesn’t deserve his time of day. 

Unlike before Shiro, now, when tears hit, Keith doesn’t try to resist them. It’s so easy to pretend that he cries because of the outside stimuli and not because he mourns what he could have had were Shiro into him, and not just after his bubble butt.

Sometimes in such moments, when Shiro asks for his color, Keith bites his tongue or the inside of his cheek to not accidentally blurt out “yellow” or “red”. Keith doesn’t trust his own mouth at times like that. He wishes then that Shiro would gag him. The very next second he wishes to never be gagged by Shiro because it’s scary and it’d make him even more helpless, and Keith has no control over what’s happening as it is.

  
  


When Keith stays alone at night, usually during his mandatory visits to his and Lance’s shared flat (the landlady is a force of evil; some things never change), he fingers himself until he can’t stand the sensation anymore. He never manages to bring himself to coming, this way, even if he uses some vibrating toy. It is rather annoying. For Shiro, it’s not a problem to bring Keith to orgasm using his nipples only - and this, while Keith is caged. Keith won’t talk about other pleasant (and terrible) activities that have a similar effect on him - whatever it is, it will influence Keith more if Shiro does it to him. 

Shiro and his spell over Keith, huh.

  
  
  
  
  


One evening, exactly one month and two days after the Big Spanking, finds Keith seated sideways over Shiro’s lap, his back to Shiro’s broad chest. Shiro wears his sweatpants, and Keith wears his cock cage. He feels severely overdressed.

Shiro teases his nipples, making Keith arch and moan. Keith can feel how stiff Shiro’s member is under him; he even deliberately shifts in place to make it hard on both of them equally. As much as he can, of course. Or, more precisely, as much as he’s  _ allowed _ .

Shiro enjoys doing this to Keith. Toying with him, making him desperate.

If Keith were in his right mind in these moments, he’d say that this is exactly what he wants from his relationship with Shiro. Shiro’s focus solely on him, Shiro’s touches only for him. Shiro’s will aimed at subduing him and keeping him in check.

Keith very much likes Shiro’s ability to rein him in. Where no one was enough before, Shiro was always more than Keith could imagine. While Keith only knew how to grudgingly choose to work with someone instead of snapping at them, be it work or personal life (not submit to them, never that), Shiro earned Keith’s submission easily.

Was it Keith’s crush that did it for him? Or were Shiro’s intelligence, empathy, and patience the reasons for Keith's crush in the first place?

At the moment, none of these questions matter. Nothing matters, except for Shiro’s hands tugging at Keith’s balls and caressing them. Shiro seems obsessed with Keith’s cage and all that it entails. Keith would’ve found it funny if not for his own complete surrender to the despicable little thing.

“Would you look at these, - Shiro murmurs, - So heavy and full. So pretty, Keith.”

“Not at all,” - Keith whispers petulantly, just to spite Shiro and see his reaction.

“Oh?” - Shiro responds in mock-surprise. There’s an undernote of danger in his voice, and Keith shivers.

“It looks like you didn’t get a good look at your poor trapped balls lately. Let’s change it.”

Just as on the day of his Big Spanking, Shiro drags Keith to the mirror and makes him look at his junk. Not that Keith doesn’t do that when alone (he totally, totally does), but, with Shiro’s figure looming over him, the cock cage doesn’t appear the same. Well, its physical appearance doesn’t change; Keith is just reminded of what it symbolizes. It’s the sign of Shiro’s power, Shiro’s ownership. For a second, Keith closes his eyes and turns his head to hide in Shiro’s shoulder, but Shiro gently takes him by the chin and turns his face to the mirror - an unmistakable command to keep looking at his own reflection. Keith braces himself and does just that.

His gaze catches all the imperfections he sees there every day: his too-pale, irritated skin and ingrown hairs where his razor worked, his small member (forever smaller and thinner than Shiro’s, and now - pitifully so), his perpetually aching, dark-pink balls. He doesn’t know why Shiro likes those so much. Hanging there pathetically, their darker colour a stark contrast against the skin of his groin, his balls look piteous at best.

But then, Keith catches Shiro’s look in the reflection. It’s so full of possessiveness and pride, so intense that Keith chokes on his spit a little. The next second it clicks for Keith. His poor dick and balls look the way they do because Shiro decided to discipline him. They are so full and swollen because Shiro didn’t grant Keith release. It’s such a good show of Shiro’s power that Keith can’t hold in a long, wanton moan.

Shiro fucks him against the mirror later that night and makes Keith lick the splashes of his own release that dribbled from his cage and splattered over the mirror surface.

The next day at work, Keith squirms in his seat so much that it earns him a few weird stares from Allura. Keith does his best but he just can’t help it. Shiro fucked him again first thing after waking up, then sent him to the shower, as if nothing happened. Right when Keith started dressing, Shiro presented him with a lubed-up plug. It didn’t take Shiro long at all to plug Keith’s overworked asshole and send him off. The whole day long, the feeling of the plug against his sore inner walls drives Keith up the wall.

  
  


Later that day, things get weird. It’s not a bad weird, but it’s still unsettling. Keith got used to negative surprises mostly, so he braces himself when Shiro greets him at the door and suddenly starts telling him how proud he is of Keith. Keith, uncomprehending, follows Shiro to the living room to have the cage and the plug removed. When Shiro blows him next, Keith is unable to hold off longer than for several minutes. He comes and possibly blacks out because when he comes to it, Shiro is lying next to him on the couch, petting him, and whispering praises. Keith expects a punishment for coming without permission but it never comes. 

Turns out, his caged time came to an end for real. It’s been a little more than a month, it’s been excruciating, Shiro’s been the worst tease in the world, there hadn’t been a day when Keith didn’t hate the damned piece of metal. But now, when it’s over, Keith suddenly wants it back. He almost begs Shiro to lock him up again.

Almost.

The next morning, he wakes up to Shiro masturbating next to him. Seeing Keith awake, Shiro moans and speeds up his hand. He’s so content and unabashed in his pleasure, that Keith can’t take his eyes off of him. Shiro comes in his hand with a grunt, wipes his spend on a tissue and immediately tackles Keith to the mattress. Keeping him pinned, he gives Keith the most unhurried blowjob of his life. Keith’s dick is still sensitive after being locked up and deprived of sensation for so long, but Shiro does his best to prolong this sweet torture. Keith is half-sure that Shiro is going to deny him in the end. He tries to prepare himself for the inevitable disappointment that doesn’t happen. Instead, Keith is treated to a slow-building, smoldering orgasm that leaves him loose-limbed and gasping for breath in the aftermath. Then, Shiro drags himself up and kisses Keith, hard. Keith can only lie there and let himself be devoured by Shiro’s demanding mouth.

A little later, when Keith’s head is back online, he cuddles in bed with Shiro. Shiro praises him (again! Shiro has never been this tender to him), tells him that he’s a good boy, that he took everything Shiro had given him, that he’s so brave, so special, so  _ good _ . Shiro tells him he’s still not allowed to touch himself on his own volition, but he can always _ ask for permission _ . And there’s a fair chance the permission will be granted. 

Maybe, just maybe, Shiro will cage him again if the mood strikes but not in the nearest future.

This last bit doesn’t even register as a threat. As long as Shiro treats him the same way as now, he can do whatever to Keith’s body.

Keith feels as if he is in a dream. He doesn’t know what made Shiro change his mind so suddenly (or if this was his plan all along), but he won’t look a gifted horse in the mouth.

  
  
  


But all nice things in Keith’s life tend to come to an end too quickly. In the evening, Shiro receives a phone call. He is offered a promotion. Well, offered is not a good word choice. Shiro basically got an ultimatum: he either moves to another city  _ and _ gets promoted, or he says goodbye to all of his career expectations at his company indefinitely. When he tells Keith about his conversation with his boss’s boss, Shiro sounds subdued and sort of clueless about what to do with himself. Keith supposes it’s an adequate reaction. To him, to receive such an offer is the same as getting slapped and being given a medal at once.

They go to bed early that day. Shiro obviously needs to sleep on the news. They require a decision from him by the end of the working week. It’s… four more days.

Four more days when Shiro will stay in Keith’s life. Then - it all comes to how long they give Shiro to collect his things. Keith doesn’t delude himself imagining that Shiro would want to continue their “relationship”, whatever it is. What could it even be? Long-distance fuck-buddies? Keith can’t help but snort when he thinks about it while brushing his teeth. It ends up in choking on the sods from the toothpaste and even spitting some onto the mirror. Shiro laughs at him when he comes into the bathroom to check if Keith is alright. Were it some other day, Keith would glare at Shiro or pour exaggeratedly, but not today. His borrowed time is coming to an end. He’d better enjoy the things he loves about Shiro while he still can - and Shiro’s genuine laughter is definitely one of those.

They lie down next to each other, wish each other good night and, after searching for the best position to sleep, settle. Shiro starts snoring fairly soon. Good for him, huh. Keith can’t follow his example. After an hour of tossing and turning restlessly, Keith makes his way to his laptop. He takes it to the kitchen, his favourite place to work on his assignments or check emails, and googles the city Shiro will move to soon.

It’s a three-hour ride by car from here, if the traffic isn’t bad. Less than a one-hour journey by plane. It looks nice in the photos. Shiro’s company’s head office is located there which means this promotion is a big deal. Shiro will do well there. He’ll show them all. He’s going to be on top soon, Keith just knows it. He’s clever, he’s hard-working, he has patience and he knows how to thrive in a business environment. Keith is glad for him.

No, really, Keith is happy that Shiro got the appreciation he deserves. It’s just… so sad that their time together has to come to an end sooner than Keith hoped it would.

Shiro never promised anything. They’re good. It’s going to be fine. Maybe, they’ll even message each other from time to time.

Keith imagines these future stilted conversations via text and immediately wants to bang his head on the table. It’s going to be downright pathetic, isn’t it?

Hours tick by, Keith keeps scrolling. At some point, he takes Shiro’s whiskey bottle from one of the top shelves and pours himself a little - just to distract himself from the dull ache in his heart. The liquor scalds his throat and brings tears to his eyes. Keith almost gags on it but finishes his portion still. He feels warmer. More alive. If anything, it’s better than the swirling nothing his thoughts have become. Keith leaves the bottle be and keeps scrolling. One link brings him to another. He checks the weather in that new city of Shiro’s, the housing, crime rates, museums, and theaters… 

Almost at dawn, he clicks on a list of the companies that made that city famous once. There, in the top-5, sits the name of the company Keith always wanted to work for. They make cartoons. The company is not as small as to be called indie but it’s not a monster-studio either. Keith thinks they do good work. He’d always wanted to apply for a job to them but never had the guts to follow through with his wish.

Keith looks at the well-known logo for long minutes, then finally clicks on the banner leading to the cartoon company’s site. He checks for vacancies; as usual, there are none, but the application page for people who want to leave their contact info is still where Keith remembers it.

Keith opens the page and stares at the empty fields. Name, current occupation, expectations… The usual. 

The cursor hovers over the red cross at the corner of the browser already. Keith almost clicks on it, as he usually does, but a wild thought stops him.

What will he lose if he applies? He won’t work there whether he applies or not; he’s not that lucky or special. Yet, if he does fill in the form, he’ll know he did what he could. He’ll know it’s not entirely his fault that he didn’t get his dream job.

Anyway, this job thing doesn’t feel as important as it did before. It’s just… a job. Next to potentially losing Shiro, it’s nothing.

So Keith starts typing. At first, he tries to sound serious and professional. But the more he types the more he feels annoyed with himself. Does he have to moderate himself even here? On a job application that won’t even be read, maybe? What the fuck is wrong with him?!

Keith can’t make himself be honest with the love of his life, that’s one thing. But to describe himself and his aspirations in a job application without having to cringe inwardly from his own formality is totally within Keith’s powers.

Keith rolls up his proverbial sleeves and lets his fingers fly over the keyboard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, my precious!
> 
> Did you enjoy Keith's suffering? Or was Shiro too tough?
> 
> And what do you think about the job news?  
> So much angst potential, don't you think?
> 
> Please, leave a comment, make your humble (no) author happy!


	10. Hot and Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro makes his own ultimatum to his bosses.
> 
> Keith receives a sudden job offer, too.
> 
> Everything is about to change, but not their feelings to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey, my smoldering love story is slowly nearing its finish!!!!
> 
> That's all I will say! Go read-read-read, quickly!!!
> 
> Just one more stop: the biggest, warmest THANK YOU to my lovely friend [nudge](https://archiveofourown.org/users/give_it_a_little_nudge/)!  
> Now, go!

When Shiro’s employer offers to move to the next city to get a promotion, Shiro thinks it’s a good chance. But then he is told in no uncertain terms that he needs to make a decision by the end of the week. His boss’ boss even threatens to cut off all of Shiro’s career opportunities at his current workplace if he doesn’t agree to change cities, and the deal doesn’t sound remotely as good to Shiro as at the start of their discussion.

To be honest, Shiro feels out of the loop. They want to promote him but they also basically give him a scary ultimatum?

It’s a good thing that Keith is there to talk it out with Shiro. Shiro doesn’t have anyone else he trusts as much as Keith, as weird as their situation may be.

Bless Keith and his no-nonsense attitude: Shiro knows that if there is one person that won’t spare his feelings when truth needs to be said, it’s Keith. And no, Shiro doesn’t want to ask for some _other truths_. It’s not in his best interests, thank you very much. Even if it leaves him the liar (basically). Shiro just… can’t risk losing Keith because of his totally unnecessary feelings.

But back to the problem at hand.

After listening to Shiro’s story, Keith confirms Shiro’s opinion and implies that he’d be offended if he were in Shiro’s place.

They go to different rooms to do their own thing, and Shiro uses the time it takes him to organize his wardrobe to think about his job situation some more.

Keith is right.

Shiro _is_ offended.

They go to bed early, right after Keith finishes the article on something pop-art he wanted to read for a while. Shiro sleeps the night on the news and wakes up knowing what he wants to do. When he arrives at work, he makes an appointment with his boss’ boss (his direct superior is invited too, of course). It’s not ideal - the meeting could only be scheduled for the next day while Shiro would prefer to have the talk right now, - but it will have to work.

Shiro doesn’t even feel anxious while he waits for the meeting. A day is not a big stretch, and Shiro is used to waiting. 

When the time comes, Shiro is ready. His thoughts are in order, and he is not afraid to push a little. 

For a start, Shiro repeats what he’d heard on the phone yesterday and receives confirmation that he and his bosses are on the same page. Then it’s time for his main speech. Shiro gives his superiors the list with the names of the companies that made him offers throughout the last year (all big and famous) and recites his results for the last two years. It’s impressive, all put together and emphasized like that. In conclusion, Shiro states that he can and will leave the company if they try to force him into making such a big decision in less than a week when there’s no business emergency behind it.

Of course, the bosses listen to him in the end. Shiro can be very persuasive when he wants to be (and he knows for sure that they need him). Shiro is given enough time to think properly - they agree to renew the discussion two weeks from now unless Shiro makes a decision sooner and informs them.

Shiro returns home, feeling victorious. He can't wait for Keith to learn how well it went for him, can’t wait to hear what Keith has to say to that. 

(If Keith outwardly says that he will miss Shiro, Shiro will stay - and he will be able to do so without losing his career, all thanks to his brilliant negotiation techniques).

He closes the door behind himself, expecting Keith to greet him, but no one comes. It’s a little disappointing but Shiro won’t let such a small thing ruin his great mood. He toes off his shoes and walks into the living room. From there, he can hear Keith’s agitated voice from the bedroom. He must be on the phone with someone, it explains why he didn’t notice Shiro’s arrival. 

Shiro doesn’t want to intrude so he turns to go to the kitchen but then Keith comes closer to the door of the bedroom, it seems like, since Shiro can hear him louder and clearer.

“Yes! I really want to work for you. That’s true, I don’t have much experience with…”

Keith walks away again, droning about his current work responsibilities and how they could be useful at this new place he applied to, apparently.

Shiro didn’t know that Keith was searching for a job.

Keith’s voice comes closer again (he must be pacing the room):

“Yes, I will be able to move. I’ll just need some time to clear things with my current workplace and my flat, and then…”

Shiro has to use all his willpower to stop listening to Keith’s obviously private conversation and walks himself to the kitchen. He sits heavily at the table and puts his face in his hands. 

This is it, then?

As soon as Keith heard about Shiro’s potential promotion (and change of places), he decided it was too much hassle to keep this relationship. So he moved on. Was he looking for jobs for a long time or only started to after Shiro received that godforsaken offer?

It doesn’t matter how it happened. Keith is great, and Shiro is not surprised that he got recruited so quickly. Keith will surely tell him more on the topic after he finishes his conversation. Maybe, it’s not what Shiro initially thought. Maybe, it’s the same as with Shiro even, Keith’s company finding him a new position?

But… Can it truly be so innocent?

Shiro mentally goes through the events of last month. He gave Keith a whipping of his lifetime and then figged him, one. He somehow made Keith wear the cock cage and do as Shiro says, two. He ended Keith’s “sentence” just a few days ago and tried to make it up to Keith by being extra-attentive, three.

He’s been very inconsistent. 

The initial high because of getting so much power over Keith had been blinding. It vanished a week after the spanking he’s given Keith. But stopping the game then felt weird so Shiro didn’t make any amends. Moreover, Shiro let it go on for longer than he initially planned to. Keith came around to like it all, or so it seemed, and the wariness Shiro felt lessened. Maybe, he stumbled upon a thing that would glue them together? They were closer to each other than ever before; it must be a good thing, right?

Now, Shiro realises that what he’s been doing to Keith was not as great as he thought. Shiro should’ve let Keith out of the cage the first time he asked. He shouldn’t have pushed Keith as hard. What was he even thinking? They didn’t negotiate at all, he just sprung it on Keith and expected him to be on board. It’s so simple and so shameful. Shiro enjoyed the power over Keith so much that it went to his head. He got used to it too quickly. Even if he didn’t give Keith strict corporal punishments anymore (these, they had talked about a little, at least), he was still ruthless and demanding. Teasing and tormenting Keith felt so good that Shiro rarely thought about Keith’s feelings on the matter.

And the worst mistake - Shiro tried to not show his doubts to Keith. It wasn’t fair of him.

Hah! Fairness?

Was it fair of Shiro to give Keith a cruel whipping when Shiro never stated the consequences for touching himself explicitly?

Was it fair to make Keith’s life ten times less bearable and ten times more complicated?

Was it fair to restrict Keith like that at all?

A horrible thought comes to Shiro’s mind: what if all those times when Shiro asked Keith for his safeword, Keith never said “red” because he didn’t believe it’d work?

Did Keith feel that he didn’t have a choice?

The mere possibility of it startles Shiro, makes him take his head in his hands and stare at the table in shock. Was he ever in control of that kinky fest?

Did Shiro force Keith to endure all this while Keith never wanted it? Only because Shiro couldn’t deal with his own petty jealousy?

The thought of making Keith do something against his will is revolting.

Deep inside, Shiro knew he was doing the wrong thing, didn’t he? He just didn’t want to admit it.

The phone conversation in the bedroom - is it Keith escaping him? Running from him as soon as he can? Before Shiro thinks of another stupid game and binds Keith to himself for another period of time?

Shiro can feel a headache starting behind his forehead. Before he can stand up and find some pills in one of the cabinets, he hears the bedroom door creak and then soft footsteps.

“Shiro? You home already?” 

And then Keith is entering the kitchen, and Shiro won’t look at him, can’t look at him. He’s so ashamed of himself. He needs to apologize for all the shit he’d pulled. He needs to say he's sorry and that he doesn’t want to lose Keith completely… But his mouth is dry and his brain won’t form words.

“Shiro? Did something happen?”

Keith sounds worried. Shiro would’ve laughed out loud if he still had the emotional capacity to do so. Keith worries. Worries about Shiro. After all the shit Shiro had dumped on him, Keith still cares. Even preparing to make a dash for it, Keith feels the need to check in with Shiro.

It’s unbelievable. What did Keith see in him to stay for so long?

When the silence drags for too long, Shiro offers in a weak voice:

“I just don’t know what to say anymore.”

Keith starts saying something, then chokes on words, swallows, then finally speaks up. He is obviously nervous.

Shiro makes an effort and lifts his head. It seems to encourage Keith because he starts talking louder. Shiro has to concentrate to get the meaning through though, distracted as he is.

“... news. I was invited for an interview, but it’s in... another city, so I will have to take a day off from work and tell Allura something about that, I don’t even know what yet. It’s all happening so fast, Shiro, and… Shiro? Are you listening?”

Shiro nods. He must look a little dazed but it doesn't mean he zoned out again. Even if it would’ve been better for him if he did. 

His worst fears came to life. 

Keith will go away. 

Shiro will stay alone. Completely alone, again.

And this time, it’ll be completely his fault.

Shiro’s spiral is cut off by a clinking sound. Turns out Keith put a glass of water in front of him. Shiro gulps it down greedily and takes a few calming breaths. He can do it. He survived the break-up with Adam and didn’t even drink himself into a stupor when his favourite Domme had left him. He will make it through his parting with Keith as well.

“Shiro. Tell me, what’s wrong?”

First things first - Shiro needs to answer when Keith asks him questions.

But before Shiro is able to react, Keith makes a guess:

“Did your talk with the boss go wrong?”

Shiro can’t help but snort hysterically. His boss is the last thing on his mind right now.

Keith watches him, baffled, and Shiro tries to compose himself.

“The talk went well, Keith,” - Shiro says at last. He lifts his eyes to Keith’s face briefly and immediately turns his gaze to the table again. His temples throb.

Then, as if someone else possessed his mouth, Shiro adds: “Why do you even ask? You’ll be gone for good soon anyway.”

Keith sputters.

“Why would you say that! It’s just a job interview, nothing is confirmed yet!”

Keith's indignation doesn’t last long. Next time he talks, Keith sounds subdued, even sad.

“If you wanted to get rid of me, Shiro, you should’ve said so. I would’ve left you alone as soon as you asked.”

At that, Shiro raises his head. His mouth is ahead of his brain, again, as it happens when Keith is around.

“But I never wanted you to leave!”

At that, Keith looks confused. To call it “entirely lost” would also be appropriate. And it’s Shiro who put this look on his face. Because he’s a horrible person. He’s been a bad influence on Keith from the very start, and he needs to distance himself from Keith as soon as possible as to not hurt him more.

Keith starts talking again:

“I don’t understand you, Shiro. First, you are ready to send me on my way, even if the interview is next week only; then, you say you don’t want me to leave?”

Shiro mumbles something about how he doesn’t know what to make of himself anymore.

“What?” - and just like that, the indignation in Keith’s voice is back.

Keith huffs, squares his shoulders and starts talking.

“I am so tired of guessing, Shiro! Could you make up your mind, finally? Pretty please? You’re hot and cold with me all the time. I won’t even tell you anything about this crazy month where everything turned upside down and you suddenly showered me with so much attention! Or no, I will. Why not, actually? It’s a good example. You were so mean to me during that month! Then, the last day in that cock cage you were suddenly so sweet… Now, this.”

Keith stops, sits down heavily on a chair across from Shiro and resumes talking, each word dropping like a lead weight between them:

“I can’t do it this way. It’s, it’s… I don’t know, it’s not fair!”

Keith is openly stating the facts - Shiro doesn’t have anything to contradict. Yes, he’s been erratic. Yes, Keith deserves to be treated better.

It’s still bitter to think that Keith doubts his sincerity.

Shiro’s head swirls, a raw, oppressing maelstroem of dark thoughts and even darker emotions. He knows he should reply, say _something_ , but he can’t make himself talk. He just can’t.

Keith must have decided that Shiro’s silence can only mean that his guesses are true. 

Very tired and (trying for) indifferent, Keith says:

“I don’t understand why you couldn’t just tell me. I am not going to shout or accuse you of something if you are waiting for it. We had a good time together, even if it turns out that we wanted different things from each other. ”

Shiro feels like everything inside him stops, freezes. He tried to persuade himself he could survive Keith leaving him - well, it was a total lie; he knew it would ruin him, then, too.

“It’s OK, Shiro, I get it. I am not exactly made for long-term relationships as you probably realized. I should’ve told you I can’t do this earlier - so it’s on me, too. You’re so perfect. I never understood why you’d waste your time on me.”

Shiro can endure any harsh truth about him Keith wants to convey but not Keith badmouthing himself.

“Keith, no! You can’t say that!” - protests Shiro.

Keith only smiles bitterly. His expression says, “I know everything you could say to that, spare your breath.” Shiro hates it with all his being.

Keith arches his brow.

“Can’t say what? That I never stood a chance with you?”

Shiro ignores the new untrue statement and plows on,

“That you’re a waste of time. That you’re not fit for relationships. That’s simply not true! You will find someone who deserves you and cherishes you and…”

Keith interrupts him.

“Enough, Shiro. I know you’re a kind man, but let’s be honest. There is no line of guys fighting for my attention. I have always been “the weird one” and it will always stay that way.”

Keith starts standing up as if to go away, and Shiro finds himself on his feet, his chair crashing to the floor behind his back. The words are out of his mouth before he can think them through,

“Keith, don’t go, please.”

It sounds like a plea, and, maybe, the ridiculousness of it is what stops Keith from leaving immediately.

Keith stays seated. He locks his searching gaze with Shiro’s frantic one. Shiro can see how hard Keith must be thinking now, how many thoughts must fly through his mind simultaneously.

Deep inside, Shiro still keeps hoping that things will turn out OK. But Keith looks resigned, and a happy ending is very unlikely. 

Shiro’s head slowly fills with cotton, and there’s nothing on his mind, no idea how to recreate the precious, fragile security that once existed between them.

The silence stretches. Shiro wants to give Keith some room, but, despite his best efforts, all of Shiro’s attention gets trained on his partner - Does he have a right to call Keith that? - of six months.

Contrary to how Shiro feels, Keith doesn’t look nervous or doubtful. More than that, it feels like Shiro uncovered a fully new version of Keith as if previously Keith took meticulous care to mellow his hard edges when in Shiro’s company. Yes, Keith was self-assured and forthright when they first met. Keith usually knew what he wanted (or didn’t want). But he never was this intense, he never assumed control of the situation like that. 

Shiro is in awe and maybe falls in love all over again.

Keith’s even voice interrupts his reverie,

“Tell me one reason to stay, and I will.”

If there is one reason Shiro considers important enough to share at such a moment...

“Because I love you.”

Anything else feels insufficient. Also, to say anything else now would be cowardice.

Keith’s face goes through several stages. First, there’s shy hope. It is soon replaced with disbelief. Then, there’s just self-deprecation and sorrow. The whole process takes seconds, and soon Keith is talking,

“Shiro, you shouldn’t throw such phrases at me if you don’t mean them.”

Shiro gapes, dumbfounded. He’s just outed his biggest secret, and this is when Keith won’t believe him?! 

A tiny, weak-spirited part of Shiro insists he leave it at that - it’s such a convenient misunderstanding to use as a reason to back off and run away with his tail between his legs. Shiro squashes the urge. Enough of this already.

He will make Keith trust him again. No, not like that - he will try to rightfully deserve Keith’s trust this time. He will offer Keith all the parts of himself he’d previously hidden from view. If Keith agrees to stay, that is.

“I do love you, Keith,” he says with as much sincerity as he can muster. His voice is hoarse; does he sound as desperate to Keith as to his own ears?

Keith shakes his head slightly and inquires,

“Why didn’t you ever mention it before? It’s been what, almost six months since we decided to be exclusive?”

Well, now Keith sounds downright sarcastic. Shiro is too morally exhausted to make up any bullshit excuses, though.

“I was so sure that you don’t like me back that I never felt it was worth saying. I am sorry for being such a coward. You deserved to know.”

Unexpectedly for Shiro, upon hearing this, Keith jumps up from his seats and starts pacing around the kitchen, clutching at his hair. He paces, and swears, and swears, and swears.

Then, Keith suddenly stops and whirls to face stunned Shiro.

“Since when, Shiro?” Keith asks in a strange tone. As if he’s a step away from hysterics.

“Almost from the start?” Shiro tries. He can’t name the exact date if Keith means it.

“Shit!” Keith exclaims violently, and his pacing resumes. Shiro wonders idly how many steps he’s managed already. Keith must be starting to feel nauseous from all the circles he made around the small room.

Shiro notices that he feels lighter, despite all the nerves of the last hour. It’s surprisingly good not to have to keep secrets from Keith anymore.

Keith stops again, as far from Shiro as the kitchen’s length will allow.

“I will ask you one last time, Shiro, and don’t you dare lie to me now!” Keith begins menacingly.

Shiro raises his hands in supplication. An amused smile tugs at his lips.

“Do you love me?” Keith asks with such determination and urgency that Shiro takes a surprised gulp of air and straightens up a little.

“Yes,” Shiro says simply.

It’s the easiest question in the world. Now that it’s out in the open he can’t explain to himself why he couldn’t express it sooner.

“We are such idiots!” Keith exclaims agitatedly and strides to Shiro.

Before Shiro can react in any way, Keith is kissing him, hard.

Shiro can’t fully comprehend how it came to this but he can’t complain as long as Keith doesn’t try to run from him anymore.

And keeps kissing him, preferably.

Keith resurfaces for breath and mutters gently, holding Shiro’s face in his hands,

“Such idiots, me and you.”

Shiro must have made a questioning noise because Keith explains,

“Because I love you, too, dummy.”

Keith pecks Shiro on the lips and adds,

“Loved you from the very beginning.”

Then he is kissing Shiro again, with purpose, and Shiro’s brain happily goes offline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY KISSED  
> PEOPLE they KISSED and said the L-word aloud omg  
> It happened! It only took me 10 chapters! Ah, I am slacking on the slow-burning thing! They were in love for 6 months only and are kissing already. So impatient, boyos!
> 
> 🍑 But! What do you think!? Who was a greater dumbass? Did you enjoy Keith's reaction to Shiro's confession?🍑
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> P.S. I hope everyone is alright out there, stays safe and sane, takes care!  
> I am sorely tempted to add to the tags of this story: "Alternate Universe - No Coronavirus"  
> Anyway, it's going to be OK! It must!


	11. When Your Past Is Haunting You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith tells Lance and Allura about getting together with Shiro.  
> Keith and Shiro share their secrets.  
> Keith has a panic attack after Shiro tells him about an accident from his past. It's bad but Shiro and his friends are there to support him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dears!  
> It's been exactly three months since I started working on this chapter. I wrote a big part of it in one go... and then shit hit the fan, I guess, that was around the time when the corona started to make most trouble. I couldn't bring this chapter to finish for so long. It was important for me to make this chapter as good as I can, and it took lots of time because I had to take big breaks between writing and editing.  
> But enough of ranting!
> 
> I invite you to enjoy fluffiness and steamy butt sex!

Keith would’ve never believed that Lance were able to reach new heights of being an annoying shit. After all the stunts he’d pulled over the years they’d known each other, it was next to impossible.

Never say never, they say. Because guess who is calling and interrupting Keith's first kiss with Shiro after their confession to each other?

Dammit, Lance!

Keith and Shiro try to ignore the insistent screeching of Keith’s phone, try to concentrate on each other, try to pretend it’s just background noise... 

But. The forsaken apparatus just won’t shut up. 

Both of them have been trained to be always ready for an important call and to answer it ASAP. They are physically unable to tune the noise out.

Murmuring ruefully, Keith and Shiro separate, and Keith goes to pick up the phone.

Lance, the blessed best friend that he is, immediately starts screaming into Keith’s ear.

“Keith! Keith! You won’t believe it! You know that laptop you mended for Hunk? Well, it broke down again, and Hunk loathed asking you this time, though I’ve told him you’d never refuse to help a good friend! You have a heart of gold under all this grime, and I can personally attest to this, dude! So, he said we need to go to a master…”

Keith doesn’t notice Shiro coming closer and propping himself on the kitchen counter to watch with amusement how Keith holds his phone at a distance from his head and still furrows his brows from the incessant whirlwind of noise that Lance produces. 

On Lance’s side, the super-exciting story develops further.

As it happens, Lance is completely unbothered by the lack of verbal responses from Keith. Accepting the inevitable, Keith dials down the sound of the phone and puts it in speaker-mode. He is thoughtful enough to tell Lance that Shiro is listening in, too, which earns them nothing more than a: “Hi, Shiro!” before Lance delves into his adventures with Hunk with a renewed vigour. Then Keith goes about making him and Shiro tea.

“So, I assume this is the friend of yours I’ve spent so much time feeling jealous about?” Shiro asks quietly.

Keith’s head shoots up, “You were jealous? Of  _ Lance _ ? Nooooo!”

Keith can feel a huge grin splitting his face. In front of him, Shiro colours a little and sputters.

“I didn’t know him at all! And you two seemed pretty close!”

“And you decided he was your rival? Lance!? Oh my gosh, Shiro!”

At this point, Keith is silently crying-laughing, his head lying on the table.

Shiro tries to find reasons why it was a good idea to compete with Keith’s lively roommate but, in the end, he only makes Keith wheeze and bang his fist on the table.

Lance takes it all in stride and reacts at Keith’s noises as if they were responses to his own statements.

“Yes, exactly!” Lance says after a particularly vicious slap to the table’s wooden surface. And then he dives back into the storytelling, zero fucks given.

When Shiro, red-faced and embarrassed, starts tickling Keith, trying to get him to admit he felt jealous when it came to Shiro, too, Lance comes to the culmination.

“... Hunk put my ruined shirt into the washer, and I said he didn’t have to, it’s too soiled and unsalvageable and he actually doesn’t HAVE to, but! Hunk said he wants to! Because he LOVES ME!!!! Keith! He said he loved me! And I was gaping at him like a fish for a solid minute, and he was fussing and apologizing, but then I clapped my mouth shut, finally, and told him to stop being ridiculous because I love him, too, and, Keith, we are together now!”

By that point, Shiro and Keith both have stopped in their tracks and are listening, with much more attention than before.

After the last sentence sounds, they look at each other and smile warmly.

From where Keith and Shiro are now, becoming a couple seems an inevitable event for them. It's a logical endpoint of a long journey. It just couldn’t have gone differently. They were destined to be together from the very start - or so it feels.

Hearing about another couple that found their happiness on the same day as them only cements that knowledge.

“Can you imagine that? Me and Hunk dating? Isn’t it cool, dude? I never thought it could be real! I still can’t believe it!”

Lance pauses and really waits for Keith’s answer for the first time since the start of his tirade.

Keith tells him, “I  _ can _ believe it. You looked good together.”

He doesn’t say that Hunk appeared completely smitten with Lance the first time Keith met him. He doesn’t say that he seriously contemplated pushing them to each other, and he would have proceeded with it were his own love life not in such a tumultuous state.

Instead, he adds:

“Congratulations, Lance. It’s great.”

They can basically hear Lance beaming at the other end of the line.

Then, Keith feels like stealing the spotlight. He gave Lance enough time to shine, right?

“I and Shiro, we are together now, too.”

Lance starts, “I know you live together, it’s not news, Keith-y boy, tell me something I didn’t know… Wait, what?!”

“We are dating, Lance,” Keith sends the last bullet.

“Whaaaat?! I’ve been thinking you two have doomed yourself from the start by fucking on the first date?! So what!? It doesn’t work like that?”

Keith thinks he will die from embarrassment.

Shiro looks like he is torn between hiding his face in his hands and laughing out loud.

So much for having a grandiose moment in their lives.

Keith smiles helplessly at Shiro and switches the speakers off. He walks out into the living room to have some privacy and explains to first shocked, then elated Lance that no, he is not kidding. Lance’s reaction is a hurricane of exclamations and a flurry of suggestions. Keith can barely wrangle their discussion into a semblance of human conversation.

Shiro joins Keith on the living room couch when Keith finally manages to shut Lance up, promising to have a double date next week.

Keith breathes out and slumps to the side, letting Shiro take half his weight.

They don’t talk for a while, both busy with their own thoughts.

Keith’s mind inadvertently turns back to his near future. There’s so much to consider, so many choices to be made. But first of all, Keith needs to talk to Allura. Tomorrow. He will do it tomorrow. Keith wants to be open with Allura when it comes to the proposal he might receive after his interview with that studio in another city. She has been nothing but a responsible leader and a good friend to him. Keith can’t bear the thought of letting her down or disappointing her.

Actually, he and Shiro haven’t discussed their possible change of jobs yet. But Keith is not worried about it. He is sure that even if they decide to live in different cities for now, they will make it work, one way or another.

As if reading Keith’s mind, Shiro starts talking:

“I am thinking about accepting the offer my company gave me.”

“Oh yeah? Gonna show them how to be a big boss?”

“Exactly,” the glint in Shiro’s eyes doesn’t mean anything good for those who’ll try to stand in the way. “I won’t lie. Leaving and slamming the door on my way out was tempting. But then one little thing came to mind. Right now, I’m no one. If I agree to work at the head office, I will still stay a small fish. But not forever - there, I will have all the chances to get on top of my current senior managers. It’s a long game, sure, but if I win, I will be the one giving the ultimatums.”

Keith watches Shiro talk: he’s so in his element, so self-assured, so daring. Keith only wishes to be able to watch his beloved like that for as long as humanly possible. To stay just like this: safe, happy, together.

Seems like Shiro was in the middle of saying something meaningful when Keith fell into his reverie. Whoops.

Shiro doesn’t seem to be mad at him, though. If anything, he looks fond and… happy as well.

They keep gazing at each other until Shiro’s hands can’t stay still anymore and start wandering. Keith is looking only at Shiro’s face, and the moment between them is so intense that Keith startles at the touch of Shiro’s calloused fingers to his bicep.

The atmosphere between them changes. If a second before, it was all about tenderness, now it’s all about the unbelievable reality of not losing each other.

It’s not like Shiro and he rarely touched each other before; but the way Shiro glides his hand over Keith’s arm, as if aware of every centimeter of skin he is allowed to explore, speaks about the fear of the mistake that didn’t happen as much as about reverence and fierce desire to protect, to cherish.

And Keith is just letting it happen. He did so previously, and often. He let Shiro do whatever he wanted to him. In his new status though - as Shiro's boyfriend - Keith feels things differently. It shouldn’t have changed things as much as it did but the truth is undeniable. It’s as if knowing exactly where they stand finally allowed Keith to fully sink into Shiro’s affection. Keith didn’t know how much this kind of certainty mattered. For Keith, letting himself believe that Shiro’s tenderness is a sign of love transformed their experience together.

Is it the same for Shiro? Keith searches his boyfriend’s (!) face again - his eyes are soft, his gaze reverent. Is he feeling as elated, and fragile, and awed at the same time, as Keith does? Is he also nervous because it’s just too perfect to be true? Is he afraid that their little bubble might burst because of one careless gesture?

Their eyes meet, and Keith tries to correspond all the fondness he feels through his gaze. All the evenings spent stealing longing glances at the well-known angular profile; all the mornings blessed with waking up next to the loved and desired body; all the days marked with doubts, hope and desperation; all the time spent circling each other, already lost but unable to admit it aloud. 

Does Shiro think about these things, too?

Or does he have other, darker thoughts on his mind? Is Shiro trying to recall all the seemingly-stolen kisses, all the seemingly-borrowed hours together, all the seemingly-misplaced caresses? Does he imagine everything they could have had together - but better, more?

If Shiro didn’t confess, driven by the situation to do so, what would have been? So deep in denial, so unable to rely on the other, so afraid to lose what little they had as they were? Would they never say the important words?

What would have been?..

Keith stops himself.

No, he won’t go there. Not now and, preferably, not ever.

Today and now, gazing into Shiro’s beautiful steely eyes, Keith promises to forever treasure this man, their happiness together and the future they might build. 

But he won’t keep to himself anymore. Keith doesn’t want to risk everything because of some misunderstanding. He’s learned his lesson.

Keith wants to be exactly where he is right now. He wants to stay with Shiro.

Keith loves Shiro so much.

Shiro seems to be going through some inner monologue of his own. It must be some struggle different from Keith's, though. 

Keith can't know for sure but he has an idea of what it might be.

Shiro's eyes never stop moving as if they are mapping Keith’s face; as if Shiro is trying to find something there, something elusive and precious. As if he is as afraid to break the spell as Keith.

That won't do. They need to start making the dream real. They need to learn how to handle each other as they are, not try to please the imaginary figure of the other in their heads instead of talking to the real person.

Keith takes Shiro’s hand and puts it on his own cheek. You can touch, he wants to convey. You can. I am officially yours now. I belong to you. I want you.

Keith knows he would have to put it in words soon. For now, this must suffice.

They never go further than exploratory touches that evening. Then, it’s time to go to bed. Keith and Shiro go through their routines and slide under the covers next to each other.

They snuggle so close that soon they’ll inevitably have to separate their sweaty bodies from each other to be able to fall asleep at all. But to be close is a need, for now, and they pretend they’re glued together until both are overheating and panting.

Finding a suitable position to sleep takes time.

Keith ends up half-lying on Shiro’s hip, his head pillowed on Shiro’s muscled belly, his right hand thrown possessively across Shiro’s hips.

It’s good.

Sleeping next to the person you love in your warm bed is always good, thinks Keith, clothing his eyes.

  
  


In stark contrast to their tenderness from the evening before, they wake up hornier than rabbits in heat (Do rabbits have heat? Keith doesn’t know but it seems an appropriate metaphor). 

Shiro fucks Keith’s mouth while Keith kneels on the floor in front of him and jerks off vigorously.

Then, they have breakfast. They eat quickly. Honestly, they barely manage to have a couple of bites each.

Keith is ordered to do the dishes which he *fails*. Shiro has no other choice but to bend Keith over the kitchen counter and spank him for his imaginative misbehaviour. Shiro roughly fingers him until Keith begs to be allowed to come - only to be sent on his way to get ready for work.

Keith thinks they’re at it again - that Shiro will forbid him from coming, and he’s kinda fine with it, he’s gotten used to constant teasing, what after his month of denial - but Shiro catches him in the corridor, fifteen minutes before he needs to leave, and fucks him against the mirror. That same mirror that Keith had to lick his own come off of so many times. It’s so hot that Keith completely forgets himself.

Their preemptively put on dress shirts get wrinkled, Keith’s slacks might be forever ruined by stains of lube and other liquids. They barely manage to clean up and get presentable again. Keith’s anus throbs. 

And yet, Keith exits their building, feeling like he hadn’t been fucked nearly enough.

When Allura asks him why all the smiles, Keith has the urge to lie something sweet but then the feeling of a new beginning overweighs and he announces, “I have a boyfriend now!”

Before she can hug him to death, Keith adds, “Remember your fairy tail? Well, our crossroads was at a rock concert!”

That day, Allura sends him home from work early, telling him that he needs time to celebrate with his new boyfriend and that he has to use this time to make a surprise for Shiro.

Keith reluctantly lets himself be shepherded out of the office. He knows that Shiro won’t be home until evening because of that dreadful conference call that happens twice a month and never lasts less than two hours. He knows that Shiro will come home pent-up and angry and talking non-stop about how a human head can’t be expected to keep processing information when the discussion is so long and arduous.

There’s nothing for him to do at home, waiting to greet and soothe Shiro when he bursts into the flat close to midnight…

He walks down the street to the bus stop when something catches his eye in a shop window. Keith blinks, grins to himself and goes inside, a plan already forming at the back of his brain.

Who said that soothing can’t be in a form of distraction?

When Shiro enters the flat, Keith is waiting for him. He’s purposely left the lights on in the living room so that Shiro will try to look for Keith there first.

“Keith, where are you?” an impatient voice sounds soon. 

Yeah, that’s the mood Keith wanted.

“Bedroom,” Keith responds.

Keith feels a little guilty for making Shiro endure his long day alone even for a few minutes longer. He feels the strong urge to run to the corridor but quenches it.

The little wait will make Shiro’s reward that much sweeter.

Keith can hear Shiro’s footsteps and the rustling of Shiro’s clothing. His heart starts beating harder and his palms sweat a little. Soon, Shiro comes into view, hair rumpled and his dark grey tie hanging loosely off his neck.

Shiro startles a little when he notices Keith sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed in semi-darkness but doesn’t let it phase him.

Keith is bare from the waist up, his crotch obscured by a big hippo-plushie. 

Keith can see Shiro already licking his lips surreptitiously as he takes in Keith’s pebbled nipples and his toned stomach. 

Keith’s distraction tactic is working flawlessly.

“Don’t you want to wash your hands first, before you touch your prize?” Keith inquires in his most provocative tone because why the fuck not? Shiro needs the release, and Keith… Keith just wants Shiro to do his worst.

Convincing Shiro doesn’t take long. The next thing Keith knows, Shiro is already on the way to the bathroom. 

Keith waits in the company of his new plush friend. He’s so hyped-up on adrenaline that mere minutes Shiro spends refreshing himself seem like eons. Still, Keith jumps a little when Shiro opens the door to the bedroom.

“Did you behave?” Shiro asks. He already took off his tie and is unbuttoning the shirt. Keith mourns the loss of the tie but maybe it's a game for another evening.

“Yes,” Keith replies, cocky as ever, despite his nerves.

Shiro stops a step away from the bed.

“May I ask a question?” he inquires.

“Sure,” Keith nods. It’s going exactly as planned so far.

“Why the toy?”

Keith makes a serious face at that and purses his lips a little. It prompts another remark from Shiro:

“I am not saying anything but you’ve never been into toys… Children’s toys, I mean. It’s… I...”

Keith continues scrutinizing him, and Shiro, half out of his pants, falters, looking progressively flustered.

“I mean such toys as this one, not the other kind of… toys…”

Keith barely suppresses a smile. He takes pity on Shiro. It’s not often that someone manages to render him speechless., Keith needs to be wary of Shiro’s pride. So Keith replies, hugging the hippo to his chest.

“I saw him in a shop window and bought him because I wanted it.”

Shiro nods, starting to calm down a little so Keith adds as if it’s something self-explanatory.

“I decided it would be a gift from you.”

In front of him, Shiro stops in his tracks and asks a little dumbly:

“From me?”

It’s hard not to crack up and to continue his little performance. Not to just crawl closer to Shiro and present his well-lubed ass for pounding but go on with his silly charades. But Keith manages - just sex won’t take Shiro out of his head effectively. 

Honestly, Keith can barely contain his lust. It’s as bad as on his worst days during his chastity month. It makes him jittery.

But there’s also another reason to be nervous: they’ve never discussed this new thing they have in detail, and Keith can’t truly predict how Shiro will react to his playful teasing. Yes, Shiro’s bought him lots of lacy undergarments while they were being “exclusive” but that’s been for the sole purpose of decorating Keith to his liking. Or so Keith thinks. Keith didn’t enjoy or appreciate it at first, not even a little. But most importantly, it were not  _ gifts _ .

  
  


Keith smiles indulgently and replies.

“Yes, you. As my wealthy and successful older boyfriend, you would have to buy me the hippo after I asked you to. If you were there, in the shop. But you weren’t so I did you a favour and bought my gift myself.”

The next question throws Keith off. 

Fuck. Keith forgot that two can play this game.

“So, do I have to give you your money back or what? Since you obviously spent yours on 'my' gift?” Shiro asks with a lifted brow.

And what a practical question it is! It’s as if Shiro is trying to make him lose the mindspace for his carefully crafted scene or something. Or is he just being his usual quick-witted self?

Keith decides to think that it’s the residual resentment from the meeting.

“No,” Keith responds but they both can see his composure slipping. Push a little more, and he’ll start floundering.

Shiro steps out of his pants and takes his socks off, adding those to the growing pile of clothes on the floor.

“You can just make it up to me,” Keith adds bravely, trying not to close his eyes shut in abashment.

Shiro takes a second to unclasp his watch and position it on the bedside table.

“And how?” he asks calmly. When he turns, his gaze is predatory.

“By taking me to a nice restaurant,” Keith announces in a loud voice. He hopes it masks his nerves.

“Oh yeah?” Shiro asks, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Like a date,” Keith adds before he can chicken out.

“Like a date,” agrees Shiro, nodding.

Keith beams at Shiro... and then remembers about the more important party of his surprise. His calm disperses in the thin air.

“I also have another gift from… From you! You've bought me these... things before. And now, I...” 

Keith trails off helplessly. So much for seducing his white knight. He hugs the hippo tighter and fixates his gaze on its fuzzy violet head.

He didn’t expect this little scene to be so overwhelming. Suddenly, Keith feels so unsure of himself as if he’d returned to his teen years. He wishes he could rewind time back to where he could just greet Shiro normally and let him decide on their course of actions.

He’s not good at this.

Shiro breaks the spell with a short, tender touch to Keith’s hair. Keith leans into his palm and kisses it, then licks it, on a whim, making Shiro tug the hand back with an amused hum.

Shiro’s voice goes low, soothing.

“O, baby. I did buy you some nice things before, indeed. Do you mean the soft and lacy kind?”

“Yeah,” Keith mumbles. He’s so embarrassed. Dressing up on Shiro’s orders was not the same at all. There was no chance to do wrong. Now, though, Keith overthinks everything. What if Shiro thought it humiliating for Keith to wear the feminine stuff? Keith never felt that way and he had the impression Shiro didn’t either but what if he was wrong? What if Shiro will laugh at him and…

Shiro’s hands touch Keith’s face carefully, lifting it up, making Keith look Shiro in the eyes.

“Keith, you with me? It’s OK. We don’t need to go further than this if you’re not sure anymore. I can leave you alone if you need to… regroup.”

“No!” Keith exclaims. That’s the opposite of what he needs. He’s still painfully aroused from his “preparations”. He wants Shiro to see him, to enjoy him. He wants this evening to be something special.

Keith steels himself and motions Shiro to move away from him.

Shiro obediently takes a step back and waits for a hint from Keith.

Keith looks away from Shiro’s broad torso and muscled thighs (though the view certainly helps him remember why he is at it in the first place) and takes a few minutes to gather his wits. He is so grateful for Shiro’s patience.

Keith concentrates and tries to summon the headspace he was in when Shiro entered the room and saw him on the bed. He felt desirable, powerful and… a little naughty?

“You were asking if I behaved myself?” Keith prompts, looking Shiro’s way again.

“Oh. I. Yeah. I did,” Shiro reacts a little belatedly. Seems like he was a little immersed in looking Keith over. This is the little boost Keith’s confidence needed.

Deciding to dive straight into his imagined role, Keith lifts the plushie out of the way and settles it at the foot of the bed carefully. He leans back on his hands and spreads his stockings-clad legs lazily, showing off his black ruffled boy shorts.

The look of shocked admiration on Shiro’s face fuels Keith’s desire to perform further.

“Oh, I did behave, sir,” Keith purrs. “I stretched my asshole for you so well, sir, but I didn't touch my poor cock at all.”

Now, Shiro looks like he’s ready to pounce any second, and Keith is very pleased with that.

He points at the tip of his cock; it’s showing a bit above the lacy hem of the panties. It’s wet and glistening in the low bedroom light.

“Look, how it's leaking.”

Keith makes a show of rubbing his finger all over the head of his cock, jumping a little at the long-awaited touch.

“If you don’t do something with it, sir, I won't be able to stay good much longer,” Keith drawls, and that’s his last line for today. The next thing he knows, Shiro is on him, pinning him to the mattress by the hands and almost growling.

“You’re saying such nice things, baby boy,” Shiro whispers velvety into Keith’s ear. This alone makes Keith shiver and keen. 

Now that the nerves abated, Keith’s horniness is quick to return.

This is it. This is what he craved, what he waited for. He spent so much time priming himself for Shiro’s enjoyment. He shaved around his genitals and even down his legs (the stockings felt so different on his smooth skin). He cleaned himself up thoroughly and devoted hours to prepping his hole, teasing himself with toys and fingers, edging himself over and over again. 

Shiro bites Keith's earlobe and sucks a bruise under his collar. He’s nice like that, leaving evidence where no one will see. Not that Keith can truly think about any of it right now.

“But I don’t remember giving you permission to finger yourself,” Shiro adds in a warning tone.

Keith freezes under Shiro’s weight for a second; he just didn’t expect that Shiro will want to steer them in this particular direction. At that, Shiro gives him a worried look, but Keith smiles back reassuringly. It’s all good. They can proceed.

Turns out, “baby boy” is in a lot of trouble for being naughty. Keith feels a thrill rush through him when he considers the implications. For the sake of their game, Keith pretends that he had no idea there could be a punishment for teasing himself without Shiro. Keith is a horny boy that only wanted to be ready for his boyfriend. He didn't mean to disobey! 

Shiro does his best to explain to Keith just how silly he was, expecting Shiro to ignore his bratty behaviour. Shiro pleads for mercy and tries to wiggle out of Shiro's hold, immensely enjoying the show of Shiro's strength.

Keith struggles don't last long, of course. In the end, Keith’s butt has to pay the checks his mouth writes.

First, Shiro gives him a stern lecture, teasing him mercilessly. He makes Keith apologize and beg. He brings Keith to tears with his mean words alone.

Then, Keith endures his second spanking of the day lying over Shiro's lap and squirming like an eel on a hot pan. His trapped cock, which is rubbing on Shiro’s thighs at every twitch, gets unbearably sensitive soon. It doesn't take much time at all until Keith comes right there, whining and keening and pleading with Shiro to stop.

But “stop” is not a safeword, so Shiro doesn’t even slow down his strikes. Keith receives the rest of his spanks while still wearing his soaking wet panties, panting, shivering, and unable to do anything but take what Shiro gives him.

When Keith's head clears enough to let thoughts trickle through, he tries to take stock of his body, concentrate on how he's feeling. This spanking is nothing like the discipline Shiro’s given him before. It’s a scene, and both of them feel it. It feels safe and fun. It feels warm and even cozy.

It doesn’t feel wrong on any level anymore. 

After the spanking, the panties are used to clean off the mess and discarded. 

Next, Keith’s well-lubed ass is finally put to good use. Judging from his loud grunts and moans, from his heavy grip on Keith's waist, Shiro has been desperate to fuck Keith already. He is relentless in his pursuit of his own pleasure; he doesn't try to accommodate Keith at all. From Keith's point of view, Shiro can use him however he wants; all Shiro's gifts are welcome. 

It’s so easy to allow Shiro to have all the power now, when Keith knows Shiro deserved this privilege. Keith sobs in Shiro's arms, clinging to Shiro and letting it happen.

Surprising himself, Keith comes again on Shiro's cock, listening to Shiro praise him for being so pretty and lovely for him. Keith thinks he floats a little, after that.

When he comes back to himself, Keith finds himself in Shiro’s arms, satiated and aching in all the right places (his ass will bruise nicely in several spots). He tries to remember what day it is. Thursday, almost Friday. Alas, tomorrow is a working day. Keith sighs. They didn’t talk, postponing it again. It wasn’t a good day for it anyway but still. 

Keith reassures himself that, come Saturday, they will have as much time as they need together, to talk, or to cuddle, or to fuck. They have all night together but Keith already doesn’t want to separate himself from Shiro in the morning.

Despite Shiro's soothing presence, Keith lies awake in bed long after they wished each other good night. Too many thoughts are plaguing his mind at once to be able to just close his eyes and sleep. 

Maybe, he’s actually unhappy that they didn’t talk. They really need to! Keith is afraid they’ll make a habit of it. They shouldn’t, not while everything is still clear and manageable. Keith doesn’t want to end up struggling to communicate the basic things to each other, again. This would be just dumb.

Also, Keith forgot to tell Allura about the job interview when he asked for a day off. It was right after he talked to her about Shiro, and she was overenthusiastic, and Keith got flustered… Now, he feels dishonest. Allura is the closest he has to a friend, after Lance, and Keith doesn’t want to make her feel as if he abused her trust. Logically, he knows that he has the right to look for better jobs - it’s just a fact of life that people change places in search of better opportunities. But it’s Allura, and Keith wants to believe that she cares.

“Can’t sleep?” Shiro’s deep voice rumbles from behind.

“Yes,” Keith admits with a sigh.

“Me neither,” Shiro tells him. “My thoughts keep cycling around what we’ve done already, what we will have to do next, what to say to my boss to stay in his good graces for now…”

“Same,” Keith chuckles. Even in this, he and Shiro are together.

“I need to call my friends in my hometown. Tell them I settled,” Shiro jokes and nudges Keith with his arm when the latter fails to respond.

“Oh,” is all Keith can say to that.

All of a sudden, the warm feeling from before is gone and Keith is a little wary. He’d never been in a situation where his “boyfriends” would talk about him to their closest people. It just didn’t happen. His relationships before Shiro never progressed past the stage of mutual blowjobs and heated kisses. Not that Keith regrets it but… He’d love to have some point of reference here.

Shiro is quick to notice his apprehension.

“Hey, is something wrong?”

Keith really wants to deflect, say some nonsense to stave off the inevitable conversation about his past, but he thinks about his promises to himself and doesn’t give in to this urge.

Instead, he turns to Shiro and offers to have tea in the kitchen since they’re both awake.

So this is what they do.

There’s something inherently cozy in sitting around the kitchen table at night.

Shiro’s metal arm glistens under the overhead lights; Keith follows the reflected flecks with his eyes. 

After they take several sips of camomile tea each, Shiro, being his complicated, overbearing and self-sacrificing self, offers Keith to listen to Shiro talk about himself, first.

Keith, giving himself some slack after his moment of bravery before, agrees. It’s a good decision, in any case - Keith wants to know more about Shiro.

He learns that Shiro was raised by his grandparents. They died right after he’d started college, and the Holts became Shiro’s found family - his best friend Matt, his sister Katie (called Pidge by her friends) and their parents.

Shiro talks about them with so much warmth that Keith’s heart aches a little. He is grateful to whatever higher powers there are that Shiro has such friends.

“... So, Matt and I went to college together, but he ended up following his dream of becoming an astrophysicist while I decided I needed to make money, and soon.”

“Do you regret it?” Keith asks before he can stop himself.

“Regret it? No. But I sometimes wish I would earn enough to be able to still go into science at some point.”

Keith adds his own two cents to make Shiro feel less alone in this.

“I wanted to become a pilot when I was a child.”

“Cool!” Shiro enthuses.

“Or an astronaut,” Keith smiles.

“Even cooler, Keith! Do you still think about it?”

“No, actually. Because then I wanted to make cartoons… about space and stars, if possible.”

They share a warm laugh and tease each other a little. Keith describes how he imagines studying under Professor Shirogane’s guidance until Shiro blushes and averts his gaze. Keith saves this reaction for later.

The conversation circles back to Matt Holt after that.

“I haven’t called him in weeks,” Shiro says ruefully. “We exchange texts several times a week but we didn’t talk for a very long time. He offered but I always found some reason not to. I’m an asshole.”

“Hey,” Keith tries to soothe. “It’s not that bad. Allura would tell you, “Just call him tomorrow”. I think he will be glad if you do, actually.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I wanted to call Matt right after we confessed, and then today… Oh, technically, yesterday already.”

They share a laugh over how late it is. They laugh a lot more now, on the whole, Keith notices.

Then, Shiro throws a dreamy look at Keith and smiles, as if he can’t believe how much good news he has for Matt. His face sours a little in a second though.

“Oh. I just remembered that Matt is the only Holt who will forgive me my silence. I don’t wanna know what Coleen and Pidge will say.”

Shiro shudders theatrically, and Keith pats him on the arm consolingly.

Jokes aside, Keith believes that Shiro has reasons to worry. Even if he can’t imagine that Shiro’s friends won’t want him, Keith thinks they have the right to be mad at Shiro. Keith doesn’t have much experience with caring relatives or friends but even he can gather this much.

In an attempt to make a comparison, Keith imagines not talking to Shiro for a long time, and how hurt Shiro would’ve felt, and how he’d look at him… No, better not do that. Still, if the Holts are as good as he pictures them, Shiro will be fine. Even if they scold him and give him lectures for days, it will be all good if they take their wayward adopted son back.

Admittedly, Keith had it easier with spreading the word about his new status. Lance and Allura are all he has, and Lance did half the job himself.

Shiro stays quiet since his last words, and Keith remembers that he’s started this conversation with the intention to talk about himself. 

So it’s his turn to…

Hit turn to…

Why does it have to be so hard!

“My father died when I was 12,” Keith blurts out. “My mother wasn’t there anymore for a long time before that. And I still don’t know how I managed to get the stipend and finish college. If Lance didn’t feed me all the time, don’t know if I could.”

“Sounds like it wasn’t easy,” Shiro muses, his grey eyes serious.

“Yeah, it wasn’t,” Keith agrees. He was afraid to hear pity in Shiro’s voice but there’s none. Just the acceptance of the new information.

Emboldened by Shiro’s positive response, Keith drops another bomb.

“You are my first lover.”

Shiro’s calm is gone in a blink. He straightens in his seat and grips the edge of the table.

His eyes threaten to bulge out of their sockets.

“Me? But you...? No, Keith! I would have… You… Why didn’t you say anything?!”

Keith feels bad for enjoying Shiro’s struggles. But it’s hard not to. Not after the months he spent thinking that their “love life” didn’t mean anything to Shiro while to Keith it meant the world. After a short inner fight, Keith quenches the impulse and interrupts.

“It’s not like I’ve never touched myself there before meeting you. That time when I saw you at the concert, I thought you’d be a good candidate to pop my cherry, that was all.”

It sounds crude, as Keith intended it to. It's a necessary measure. The slight repulsion he feels after saying such a phrase allows Keith to stay in the present and continue his story before he loses himself in sad memories.

“Later, I was only thinking about how not to send you running for the hills with my clumsiness and awkwardness.”

“Yeah, and  _ I _ was thinking how unfair it is to you that I would waste your time with my boring, broken persona,” Shiro replies in kind.

To Keith, Shiro’s last admission sounds so much worse than any of his own. 

He doesn’t want to hear something like that from Shiro. Not now, not ever! It’s wrong, it’s simply not true! Boring and broken are the opposites of what Shiro is, the opposites of what Shiro’s become for Keith.

Keith knows that telling Shiro this now won’t help much. But he can't let it slide either. So, Keith tries to temper the heat in his voice and jokes, imitating Shiro’s stern tone:

“Shiro, I will have to spank  **you** , if you say something like this again”.

Keith expects laughter or chastisement from Shiro, but what he receives are a bashful grin and blushing cheeks.

**_What?_ **

A second of stunned silence and Keith’s mind starts working.

Is Shiro interested in being spanked? Is he?!

Would he play around it, with Keith…?

And then Keith makes a wild guess: Shiro might have some experience already. Has someone done it… to Shiro? No, it can’t be!

However improbable the idea, Keith’s imagination is already running a mile a minute. 

In front of his mind's eye, Keith sees Shiro, naked, flushed, and sweaty, leaning over some chair. His butt is covered in parallel welts from the cane, and he looks delectable…

With a great effort, Keith snaps out of his daze. Turns out that Shiro is either very shy or embarrassed about the whole concept. His gaze is fixated on the table surface as if he is afraid to meet Keith’s eyes.

Keith decides that a little teasing will break the spell.

“Shiro? Do you have something to tell me?”

In response, Shiro takes his head in his hands and rumples his own hair. When he looks at Keith and speaks up, he doesn’t sound too cheery.

“Not today, alright? Enough joking. I'd say, one more topic, and we’re done. We still have work tomorrow. Actually, I wanted to tell you about my arm and then go to bed. If you don’t have anything else important to tell me, that is.”

Keith feels chastised even though Shiro’s tone is mild.

“Sorry. I am listening to you.”

Shiro straightens in his seat, plants his elbows on the table and begins:

“There’s not much to the case, really. It was an accident. Sometime after I broke up with Adam, I went for a ride on my motorcycle. I wasn’t drunk, I wasn’t too distressed. Just wanted some fresh air. Well…”

Keith stays silent while Shiro gathers his thoughts. 

Is it the time when he enters with some words of support?

Or does he have to stay mute until Shiro begins talking again?

Luckily, Shiro gets back on track before Keith has a chance to fret too much. He starts narrating, repeating himself and obviously unnerved by the past events:

“As they say, bikes aren’t exactly made for safety. There was an accident. As I said, I wasn’t drunk. The car driver wasn’t drunk either. Just careless or distracted, I don’t know? But the collision was disastrous. For me, at least.

“I was lucky to lose only an arm. While I was… injured, Matt and his family took care of me. They visited me at the hospital, found me the best prosthesis - Matt even participated in its testing for my sake, helped me adjust when I returned from the hospital. I had to stay with them for a while, you know? They took care of me. 

“I retreated into myself then. I’ve never told you but I was very ill, Keith; before the accident, I was very ill. And… no one knows why but, somewhere between the crash and the surgery, the disease disappeared. Katie said it was because of a near-death experience. Matt mused that the meds they used on me at the hospital may have triggered such a response from my battered body. Colleen, Matt’s mom, told me it was a sign that my bad luck was not forever. Well, I… I didn’t have any opinion on the matter. Still don’t.”

Shiro pauses again, searches for Keith’s gaze, holds it, and continues speaking.

“Now that I’ve met you, I am grateful that it happened to me. That I am free from my illness and don’t have to spend so much time at doctors or inhale so many pills every day. And, yeah, it’s great that I don’t have to die young. Not that I’m that young anymore…”

Keith swats at Shiro playfully but he can feel tears swelling in his eyes.

“Hey, I told you not to say things like that! You’re young enough not to tell such bullshit. Being young is overrated, anyway!” Keith scolds shakily.

Shiro smiles at him, small and warm. His eyes are a little sad, but he is alright. Keith can see it.

Keith isn’t, though. He is so not alright right now.

“Shiro?” he croaks. “I. Thank you for sharing. I will just…”   
  


He stands up shakily.

“I need to be alone for a bit, OK?”

With that, Keith stumbles out of his place at the table and leaves the kitchen.

He needs to hide somewhere and process.

He can’t make it in Shiro’s presence - or he’ll fall apart completely.

(He doesn’t want to make Shiro watch his pathetic display of weakness.)

Keith doesn’t want to burden Shiro with this stupid breakdown. It’s him overreacting, Shiro doesn’t need to feel guilty over Keith’s weird sensitivity. Shiro didn’t want this story to be treated like a big deal now, after so much time passed. Shiro maybe wanted some compassion, some acknowledgment, but not having to soothe Keith over Shiro’s own pain.

(Keith doesn’t want Shiro to see him hurting, doesn’t want to make Shiro worry.)

It’s gonna be fine. Keith just needs a little bit of time to himself.

That’s all.

  
  


… Keith finds himself in the bathroom, curled up on the floor next to the sink. The horrible car crash Shiro had survived doesn’t let him go. Keith’s fantasy, trained on projecting the grimmest scenarios, shows him different variants of how it was and how it _could_ _be_.

Over and over, Keith repeats to himself,

“It’s OK, the bad thing didn’t happen, it didn’t happen, Shiro is alive…”

Keith is dimly aware that he must be hyperventilating because his lungs never seem to get enough air.

But it’s going to be over soon. Keith knows it. It’s not his first rodeo.

Keith doesn’t realize how hard he’s shaking until Shiro’s arms wrap around him and carefully lift him up from the tiled floor.

He’s gasping for air, and Shiro tries to make him breathe with him, gives him water to drink, soothes.

As if Keith were a damned child.

As if it wasn’t Shiro’s pain they were talking about when Keith collapsed.

As if Shiro doesn’t have enough on his plate already for Keith to go and give him something else to bother about.

Keith doesn’t know why it’s hitting him so hard.

It’s just… The way Shiro talked about the accident, matter-of-factly, casually… Like it was just a day in the past and not an event that could have ended Shiro’s life.

Keith can’t show the same restraint. Instead, he struggles to shake off the living nightmare Shiro’s story has become, but all in vain. Again and again, Keith sees the picture of Shiro’s misshapen body flying above the road in front of his mind’s eye.

… Keith lost his dad on a day when everything was perfectly normal. No one was drunk. The fire he’s been sent to was nothing out of the ordinary. His firemen crew has been well-equipped. 

Sometimes things… just happen, and there’s no one to blame. Which makes the whole matter even more chilling.

Keith comes to himself on the bed, held securely by Shiro. He doesn’t remember how they’ve ended up here.

First of all, Keith hugs Shiro tightly, then paws all over him, to make his own conscience finally believe that the real Shiro is in no danger of perishing because of an incident in the past.

Keith buries his head in Shiro’s shoulder and lets Shiro rock him back and forth.

Finally, Keith’s breathing evens out and he tells Shiro that he’s going to be fine.

Shiro smiles at him, kindly, and suddenly Keith is reminded of how his father would smile approvingly at him.

Keith meets Shiro’s gaze, eyes wild. Shiro tugs him close again, and Keith goes.

And then, Keith starts to cry like never in his life.

He didn’t cry like that when his father died. He didn’t let himself. There was no one to put him back together then.

Now, many years later, Keith lets go of all the feelings he forgot he was carrying.

It feels like a dam broke.

Feels like it’ll never stop.

It feels like something Keith needed for years, a long-due release.

It hurts but it also brings hope that things can be left behind. That Keith’s life doesn’t have to stay bitter.

  
  


Keith feels groggy when he wakes up the next morning. Shiro is already out of bed and ready to cater to Keith’s needs. He’s an angel: Keith gratefully accepts a cup of hot tea.

Aside from that, it’s like any other Monday morning.

When Shiro asks Keith to unlock his phone and find Allura in the contacts, Keith somehow doesn’t suspect shit.

But then, already standing in the middle of the living room, a few meters away from Keith, Shiro suddenly says. “Hello, Allura? Nice to hear you! This is Shiro. Yeah, that’s right, I’m Keith’s boyfriend…” 

The sleepiness is gone in an instant, and Keith is leaping to his feet.

Keith runs to Shiro and tries to snatch his phone out of his  _ boyfriend’s _ thief-y hands, loudly complaining all the way. Shiro, his strong muscles and dexterity be (blessed) damned, easily keeps Keith at an arm’s length.

“I wanted to ask you for a favour. Keith didn’t feel well yesterday evening so I really want him to stay at home today.”

Allura seems to have heard some of Keith’s offended outcries since Shiro says, “Yeah, that’s Keith, do you want to talk to him? Sure, just don’t believe him when he tells you he’s fine, OK? Exactly, yes, that’s what he’s doing. But I have to surrender the phone now. Again, it was nice talking to you. Sure, I’ll be happy to meet in person. Oh, easy, Keith! Allura, I’ll leave you now.”

With that, the phone is finally in Keith’s hands.

He grabs it, throws Shiro a weak glare and hustily returns to the bedroom, closing the door shut.

Some elaborate whistling starts in the living room, then quickly quietens; it seems like Shiro is demonstrating that he is leaving the room and won’t intrude (again).

“Hey, Allura,” Keith says, a little breathless after his scuffle with Shiro. He doesn’t know what else to say.

“Hello, Keith.”

Allura’s voice is calm, even. Keith knows it’s a mask. But what is she hiding? Anger? Worry? Disbelief at Shiro’s audacity?

Keith doesn’t say anything else. After a minute of listening to each other breathe, Keith, unexpectedly for himself, calms down a bit. Allura doesn’t shout at him, doesn’t tell him he’s disappointed her or ask invasive questions.

“Allura? I don’t need a day off, really. I am able to work…”

Allura interrupts him. “Do you have your laptop with you?

“Yes, why?”

“Then you can work just fine. Stay home and save yourself the trouble of getting to and from work. I will send you your assignment for today ASAP. That's my final answer. Now please, Keith, text me Shiro’s number and be productive.”

“Yes, ma'am,” Keith drawls, and the call disconnects.

He exits the room just in time to hear Shiro make some pact with Lance. Et tu, Brute?

Keith sighs. There’s a whole coalition that plans his demise. His hands are tied.

  
  


Only later, already at his and Lance’s flat, Keith realizes that this is what he needed - a safe place to make sense of everything that’s transpired between him and Shiro in the last few days. Away from Shiro’s home, their new status doesn’t feel real. The more realistic part of Keith’s brain knows that it is but it’s hard to believe it.

The whole affair just doesn’t add up in Keith’s head. In the middle of his room, full of his old textbooks, magazines on IT and design, worn clothes, and memories, it’s too bizarre to even consider the outside happenings.

Lance enters exactly at the right moment, when Keith prepares to lie down on his lonely bed to sleep the illusion off.

Lance brings Keith’s phone with him. Allura is on the line. Seems like she’s been speaking for a while. Keith looks at Lance reproachfully, and the latter just shrugs. 

Keith takes the phone and doesn’t let Allura know that he wasn’t there the entire time.

“... there's this charity event I am organizing because our PR are a bunch of brainless assholes. I will send you the spreadsheet…”

Keith hums and agrees with Allura in all the right places. Lance wanders around, lost in thought. At some point, Keith also remembers that Lance has found his love recently. Keith replays their phone conversation about Hunk’s confession in his head that happened in Shiro’s presence and confirms for himself: no, it’s been not a dream.

When Allura is done talking, Keith has his e-mail box full of tasks from her. He eyes the notorious spreadsheet with guests of the important charity event with trepidation. He’s never been big on organizing parties - how is he even supposed to start planning? The seating arrangement, Allura said? What does it even mean? A concept for the designer? Keith is not sure whether Allura has gone mad or that she believes in Keith’s powers a little bit too much.

But Keith’s stupor doesn’t last long. Lance’s curiosity gets the better of him, and he leans over Keith’s shoulder to take a look at the guest list. It’s Keith’s time to remember that Lance is not as simple as he appears to be.

By the time Shiro comes to collect Keith, Lance has sent Allura several variants of the guest seating, a dozen variants of design concepts and a few ideas for the charity evening itself. Keith, meanwhile, has finished all assignments that belonged to his usual sphere of expertise and has been sent to mend Lance’s and Hunk’s electronic devices. Keith accepted the burden without his signature sarcastic remarks; Lance deserves all the repairs in the world today.

Lance texts Keith a little after midnight: Allura offered him to work as their freelance designer. 

Shiro is reading in bed beside Keith so Keith tells him the news immediately. As expected, Shiro is glad for both Keith’s friends.

Keith calls Lance immediately after, knowing that Lance needs to vent. He is not wrong.

“Keith!” Lance shrieks into his ear. “Free-Lance designer! Sounds mega-great! Allura is the best boss ever! If I were in your place, I’d have fallen in love with her long ago!”

“Does Hunk have to worry?” Keith teases.

“Nah! He’s the one now, he knows it! Hey, Keith, could you even imagine I could do such work so fast?!”

And the rant starts. Keith makes himself comfortable and throws his legs over Shiro’s thighs.

It’s quiet and peaceful if one can ignore Lance’s overenthusiastic outcries from Keith’s phone’s speakers. Shiro massages Keith’s calves absent-mindedly. The darkness outside contrasts with the warm glow of Shiro’s bedside lamp.

Everything around Keith aligns, and the worries, doubts, and lingering resentment slip away.

In this moment, Keith asks himself: is this how happiness feels like?.. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey
> 
> So, what are your thoughts? These boys are mega-hot together!
> 
> Also, they've made such progress already! They still need to discuss their mistakes at the start of the relationship but other than that, they're good! I imagine there will be 2 more chapters but it's only a prognosis.
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with me!


	12. There Comes a Time When You Tell Your Nightmares: Not Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Shiro are getting ready to move cities. Both are nervous in anticipation of the big change.  
> Shiro is more affected than he would like to admit.  
> He is worried that Keith will turn out to be not the person Shiro knows and loves, in the end. It's irrational but Shiro can't make his traitorous brain shut up.  
> When Shiro gets drunk, something he didn't know was still in him leaks out...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey, my lovelies!
> 
> It's been about three months since I last updated this thing. I left it on a happy note but I knew I wouldn't be me if I didn't make Shiro and Keith deal with their emotional baggage. They needed to discuss their fuck-ups so badly. Without that, I won't be sure they can have a happy future. If you let your problems stew, they come back at you and bite you in the ass, believe me, I would know!
> 
> A big heart-felt thank you to my dear [nudge](https://archiveofourown.org/users/give_it_a_little_nudge/) for being a loyal member of my koalition 🐨!
> 
> I hope you missed my boys and will enjoy your reading!

The month when everything is settled and they have to move to a completely different place is a big challenge for both Keith and Shiro. 

The city where they live now, this oasis of noise and skyscrapers, wasn’t always Shiro’s home. He came here after his break-up with Adam (and after having survived the car crash). He was planning to stay and be great. 

Keith, on the other hand, was born here. But he wanted the same: to be great. 

Another similarity: just like Shiro, Keith had to fight hard to even stay afloat most of the time. It doesn’t seem as surprising now as it seemed when they first met that they understand each other so easily; that they fell into each other’s orbits naturally after spending only a little time together.

This year, they both managed to get very close to their dreams and life goals. And it happened in this very city, on these very streets: in their flats and at their workplaces, in college classes for Keith and at various sales conferences and exhibitions for Shiro. They became who they are here, on this piece of land. Now that they have to leave, Shiro feels the connection unexpectedly sharply.

The unavoidable farewell they will have to bid their home, even if it is to open a new page in their lives, looms over their heads, spoiling the anticipation of the good stuff, a little. It’s odd. It’s disquieting. It’s unsettling. 

It’s more unsettling than leaving Holts and running away from Shiro’s home city. It’s more unsettling than changing departments at the start of his career (and he had to make some pretty big jumps). 

For some reason, it’s more unsettling than _anything_ Shiro has done before.

Is it because, for once, he is not lonely? Is it because he finally has a reliable partner with him who he is afraid to lose? 

Does his conscience try to tell him that it’s too good to be true and that he should prepare himself for a heartbreak?

It’s a rotten thought, Shiro insists in an attempt to persuade his inner paranoiac. Keith loves him, Shiro loves Keith. All is fine. All is well. All is great, even!

And yet…

Something makes Shiro’s skin crawl, and he can’t pinpoint what it is exactly.

Keith’s job interview has been a success. As it happens, Keith wasn’t giving himself enough credit where it’s due. He is a novice, yes, but he has a huge potential. He is unorthodox, and fun, and intelligent, and… Ah, Shiro could sing praises to Keith all week long and never get tired. What matters is that Keith’s new employer was also able to see all these things in Keith and decided to give him a chance.

After Shiro and Keith move cities, they will be renting a flat. Shiro’s company assisted in the flat search and is going to take over half of the utility expenses. The flat is smaller than Shiro’s own but it’s situated very close to Shiro’s new workplace. Unfortunately, the office of Keith’s company is much farther from the flat than the office of Shiro’s company. But Keith doesn’t see it as a downside - just as a minor inconvenience. Shiro thinks that if the new boss offered Keith to be a trainee for a year, with no salary, Keith would readily agree. He would find a second job to be able to contribute to the household and run himself ragged. Shiro is certain that Keith’s pride wouldn’t allow him to live off Shiro’s money for longer than a week. 

Keith isn’t spoiled by life, and, in his case, it’s not a good thing at all. The mental image of overworked Keith who struggles to open his eyes in the morning and ploughs on despite his exhaustion makes Shiro shudder. He needs a back-up plan for such a situation, just in case. 

Shiro huffs in exasperation. One can never guess what next problem life will throw at them.

As Keith’s lover, Shiro finds it hard to spoil Keith on the overall. 

Outside of bed, that is. In bed, Shiro knows exactly what to do to drive Keith wild.

In this moment, completely out of the blue, Shiro’s thoughts take on a very different direction.

He asks himself: and when was the last time someone spoiled _him_?

An image flashes through Shiro’s mind; he is bound to a table, ass up, legs apart, and Mistress Lelia, dark-skinned and very naked under her little rosy gown, leans down to him and…

Shiro shakes his head. It’s not a good time for this memory. He didn’t even talk to Keith about his bisexuality yet. Not that it’s relevant now but it’s a thing Keith would prefer to know. Or is it just Shiro who thinks so? What if Keith heard some lousy rumours about how bisexuals only use people of the same gender to have fun and then get married traditionally as soon as they have a good opportunity? Shiro doesn’t believe that Keith would take something like this seriously, even for a second. But (and here Shiro’s heart skips a bit, in a very unpleasant way) Adam also seemed like a person who doesn’t care what others talk, at first. He appeared normal, sensible; nothing hinted at his jealous nature.

Adam… He wanted the so-called normalcy so much. He didn’t get Shiro’s drive to succeed. Maybe, he didn’t understand what it means to live with a chronic illness, for the starters; maybe, he also never understood what it had meant for Shiro in particular. 

If Adam is lucky, he will never learn any such thing from his own experience. 

Despite all his flaws, Adam wasn’t all bad, Shiro tells himself. He was misguided and too brash at times but he wasn’t an evil person.

Shiro wonders, not for the first time, how did this “not evil” man manage to leave Shiro so many invisible scars as his legacy.

Shiro hopes that things will not repeat themselves with Keith.

This is how Shiro’s mind makes a full circle and returns to his current situation.

Despite Shiro’s fantasy of Keith working two jobs at the same time staying just that - a fantasy, - Keith is strained to the limit as it is. The big joy of being admitted to his dream company turned out to be so all-encompassing that it became a trial in itself. Experiencing it took its toll on Keith. Between preparing himself for his new job, finishing his projects at his old job, trying to be there for his friends, and, of course, Shiro, Keith is stretched thin; he needs a break.

Keith says he wouldn’t have been able to manage everything on his own, without Shiro (and Lance, Shiro adds mentally every time they have this conversation). Keith tends to forget about Lance and his unquenchable helpfulness but Shiro knows who’s the true hero of the day. To stay fair-minded for the both of them, Shiro took on the task of telling Lance how much they appreciate his input every time it’s needed. 

Shiro is sure that Keith will express his gratitude to Lance, too, one day. Maybe, when life isn’t changing and scary and overwhelming as it is now.

Actually, now seems to be a bad time to discuss any potentially problematic topics with Keith. Just yesterday, Keith had a very emotional moment at his old flat, the one he'd shared with Lance for so long. It's been his first real home, Keith said, his safe haven. The realization that he leaves it behind hit Keith hard. He said he will miss it very much. 

Shiro thinks that it’s not the only issue connected with the flat Keith and Lance rented. It must be scary for Keith to lose his "second base". By paying rent, Keith secured himself a safe place where he could go if things didn't work out with Shiro.

But times change. Soon they will live in a flat provided by Shiro's employer, in a city where they have no friends or relatives. It means almost no safety net for Keith at all.

Shiro thinks he would want to try and make some failsafes if he were in Keith’s shoes. Shiro can also see how it could be a logical reaction after all Shiro has done wrong at the start of their relationship. Shiro wants to reassure Keith that everything will be alright but is unsure he has the moral right to do so. Shiro also thinks that this is a load of bullshit and that Keith would be grateful for the support… but he can’t just get over his doubts; it’s not that simple.

Shiro remembers his last months with Adam too well for the memories not to impact his perception of his relationship with Keith now.

Shiro remembers a lot of things.

He remembers thinking about his possible next steps at the start of every fight with Adam. Because who could predict which one would become the last one? Every time shit hit the fan, Shiro busied his mind with imagining the life "after" Adam. It was crucial to prove to himself that there would be something "after". Shiro thought that he needed to form a strategy he could follow when his emotional state would be too disastrous to think straight.

Shiro remembers how in the span of the last months of their relationship, while everything they’d built was slowly deteriorating, he had conjured dozens of plans, each more extravagant or, on the opposite, more circumspect than the previous ones, of how he was supposed to survive the break-up.

None of these "plans" helped when it came to the actual break-up. Or, how Shiro calls it in his head, "fuck-up". They couldn’t even talk things out like reasonable human beings for the finale. They couldn’t even…

Ah, it’s been so long, Shiro should stop trying to invent a recipe for the situation that would’ve brought his and Adam’s union out of the rainclouds.

Shiro couldn’t have predicted it then if he tried. The storm came seemingly out of nowhere. Adam got mad about Shiro’s plan to take on a project which would've required almost all of his time and energy. Shiro tried to explain that he really, really wanted to participate, that this would let him explore lots of interesting and important matters, that it would help him later in life… but Adam didn't listen. 

Shiro supposes that Adam has been fed up with their relationship for a long time by then already. Just one last drop of Shiro's “bullshit” was enough to make the basin of Adam’s patience overflow.

Shiro remembers insults flying back and forth; he recalls being angry, and scared, and weirdly hopeful that it was all just a bad dream; all at once.

When Adam finally left for good and Shiro realized that he was about to sleep alone in a cold bed, he broke down in tears for the first time in forever. It wouldn’t be the last time he cried that month; his epic fights with Adam left one too many scorching traces on Shiro’s psyche. It seems so silly now, so tragically silly that Shiro owned a bike back then and that one evening he decided that a ride would do him good. Remembering how he rode his bike in a distraught state of mind brings colour to Shiro’s face. In the grand scheme of things, that impulsive decision brought Shiro where he is now. And yet, it still seems so very unfair that he had to go through all that suffering. Unfair, ugly, vexing...

Shiro is still ashamed that he couldn’t handle that period in his life with more grace. He still feels dumb whenever the episode of the crash flicks in his mind. 

Holts have been so nice to him then. Shiro didn’t deserve it. Not with his reckless behavior, and, certainly, not with his attitude.

Shiro decides that he will call Colleen Holt today.

Yeah.

In the end (but of course!), Shiro doesn’t. 

Keith calls him from a bar Lance has dragged him in. Keith offers Shiro to join them but says that he is ready to get back home immediately if Shiro doesn’t feel like going out.

After all the heavy emotions that Shiro’s bitter memories brought to the surface today, partying his woes away seems like a great idea. Shiro cleans up and meets Keith at the bar. Funny enough, it’s close to the place where Shiro got drunk at that time when some nice girls helped him out. He didn’t even get to properly thank them.

Keith and he start drinking. It’s weird, to just sit at the bar and order shots, as usual, but with Keith. They don’t make it to the dancefloor where surprisingly agile Hunk is making Lance spin. They consume alcohol, make lame jokes and cackle at them. Sometimes, one of them starts complaining about something like their impending move, and the other groans in despair, and they try to calm each other down.

At some point, Shiro finds out that his legs refuse to hold him and that Keith is not in his line of sight. Shiro flails wildly and nearly falls down his stool. In the process, Shiro barely avoids knocking down a dame from the neighbouring stool. Keith catches him, and Shiro turns around to hold onto him. 

Keith’s shoulders are steady under Shiro’s palms. “Keith won’t let me fall,” Shiro thinks, and a long-forgotten calm fills his being.

He registers Keith talking to someone, maybe, this dame. Keith should apologize on Shiro’s behalf, Shiro thinks dazedly. He’s so clumsy. He misbehaves in public. He surely needs to be put in his place. _Keith_ should do something about it.

When Shiro tries to communicate this idea to Keith, Keith just laughs and hauls one of Shiro’s arms over his shoulder. Keith is so strong, Shiro marvels while being dragged to the outside.

“... need help with that?” a rich female voice asks.

“Nah, he’s easy,” Keith jokes, and yeah, he sounds a little drunk, too.

“Well, it’s your choice. Good luck then.”

“Thank you! Have fun!”

Keith definitely is in high spirits. Shiro wants to kiss him for this but ends up being shushed.

Shiro gets a little more coherent after he naps in the taxi.

Or not.

When they get to their floor, Shiro tries to kneel down in front of Keith and paws at his zipper. Keith laughs loudly and swats his hands away.

Shiro still gets to his knees as soon as Keith closes the door to their flat behind them. This time, Shiro asks first before trying to put Keith’s cock in his mouth.

He hugs Keith’s thighs (so strong!) and begs to be allowed to suck Keith’s cock. Maybe, if he did so from the start, Keith would’ve let him.

But Keith refuses and only orders Shiro to go to the kitchen and fetch water for both of them. It’s a disappointment but Shiro will be good and follow commands.

Shiro tries to stand up but the floor wavers.

“You can crawl if you can’t stand straight,” Keith jokes.

Shiro crawls.

Keith’s laugh is carefree and boisterous.

Shiro hopes he looks entertaining and not just dumb when he tries to wiggle his hips enticingly all the way.

They both drink water Shiro manages to take out of the fridge, then Keith herds Shiro to the bathroom. He makes Shiro stand, and the floor betrays them again. But Keith is there to lean on, and, together, they get Shiro ready to go to sleep, as much as possible. Showering is left for tomorrow.

Shiro practically falls on the bed, immediately drowning in familiar scents of him and Keith combined. He tries to rub himself all over the sheets, not unlike an overgrown cat.

“I’m a tiger!” he informs Keith.

“Yes, you are,” confirms Keith. “My tiger. Move to your half of the bed, tiger, and be good.”

Shiro obeys.

Making the comforter cover him is a tricky task but again, Keith comes to his aid.

Finally, they are both tucked in, Shiro is the smaller spoon, and he doesn’t mind at all.

“Shiro, I love you,” Keith murmurs when he hugs him in bed.

Shiro is succumbing to sleep too quickly to form words. He responds by turning his head and licking Keith’s ear.

To say, that the next morning is hell, is an understatement.

Keith is giggling and teasing Shiro and having a lot of fun in general until Shiro growls at him to stop. He maybe even says a rude word (or two) to Keith. 

Keith arches his brow as if he is both puzzled and unimpressed by Shiro, backs down, and leaves Shiro alone saying, “You’ve been much nicer yesterday when you begged.”

What?

Shiro spends the morning trying to recall what he did yesterday. He can’t remember much apart from feeling happy and clinging to Keith. He doesn’t dwell on it; he has other matters to attend to. Only two days left before their move, and they have plenty to do.

Only when Shiro’s gaze falls on a water bottle lying in the corner behind the fridge does he remember his attempts to get water while standing on his knees in front of the fridge door. Everything else comes rushing back. Shiro puts the stray bottle in its place on autopilot and slowly drags himself to the couch in the living room.

He begged Keith to be allowed to suck his cock, on his knees, in the corridor of their flat. Then crawled to the kitchen. And before that? Did he really try to undress Keith right in front of the elevator? Shiro takes his head in his hands and groans in despair. Where did all this even come from? Shiro was sure he’d buried all these urges when he and Lelia broke apart so many years ago. Shiro doesn’t want to know what Keith thinks about him now. Is he secretly laughing at him? And this casual remark about begging this morning. Is it how it will be from now on?

Shiro is in the middle of imagining how Keith would tell him off for pretending to be so high and mighty while being a needy cocksucker (or something worse) when Keith enters the living room with his phone in his hand and asks as if nothing happened, “Do you mind if Lance and Hunk come over now? There’s something with the flat Lance and I rented”.

Shiro nods, not trusting his voice to speak.

Of course, they can come over. It won’t change a thing.

Shiro lies down on the couch, curls around a pillow, and shuts his eyes. His stomach is churning unpleasantly.

In the background, Keith says, “Lance, I will call you back. No, you can’t fucking come here yet,” and then there’s a cool hand touching Shiro’s forehead.

“Shiro?”

Shiro only coils his body tighter. He doesn’t want to be dismissed so soon. Not now. He was _so_ happy.

“Shiro, what happened? What’s wrong?”

Keith’s voice is so worried, so sweet. Maybe he won’t call Shiro names, after all?

But how can Shiro be sure?

Lelia was so caring and thoughtful. She showered Shiro with praise after their scenes and made him feel proud of what he did. And then… And then Shiro disappointed her one time, but real big, and Lelia said that he was a disgusting coward. A disgusting cock-thirsty coward.

Shiro will never forget the hot wave of shame that enveloped him after those words.

Lelia called and apologized later in the evening. Shiro has forgiven her. But the words, petty and thrown at him in the heat of the moment, stuck with him.

It’s been so long since Shiro spent time together with Lelia - their affair played out shortly after Shiro’s move to this city. He never talked to anyone about her. No one needed to know… and so no one has learned anything.

Whenever Shiro thought about trying to find a partner who would top him, Lelia’s voice started sounding in his brain, calling Shiro needy, weak, unmanly. It was as if Shiro’s insecurities found themselves an avatar. So Shiro tried to ignore the very idea of being vulnerable for someone. For many years, it even worked. Until Keith.

Shiro wants to disappear off the face of the planet but Keith is shaking him and making him drink something, and shushes him, and pets him and says all the right things.

It’s time to make a decision. Shiro may be dumb for trying to start trusting someone again. So what? He refuses to be a coward with Keith once more.

“Keith?”

“Yeah, Shiro? I’m here. What do you need?”

Unexpectedly for himself, Shiro says, “You could call me Takashi, if you want.”

Only Colleen and Matt call him Takashi sometimes. He’s Shiro even at work.

But it would be nice if Keith did so.

“Takashi,” Keith says immediately. 

“Takashi,” Keith repeats, as if tasting the name on his tongue.

“Takashi,” Keith murmurs, a smile easy to hear in his tone as he leans in and kisses his boyfriend on the top of his head.

Takashi kisses back and allows Keith to hoist him up to a standing position.

They end up in the kitchen, with tea and chocolate.

They sit there until Takashi feels normal again and gathers his wits enough to tell the story about Lelia to Keith.

Keith listens attentively and (almost) doesn’t interrupt until Takashi is finished.

“Back then, I only started settling in the city that was still alien to me. One day, I finished working early and wanted to do something fun. So I went to a party in a shady club and danced with anyone who came at me. I think I even kissed some guy right there, on the dance floor. After I got tired, I went to the bar and ordered drinks. Well, I tried, but a black woman in a red dress trimmed with lace offered to treat me. She seemed nice enough so I agreed. Why not? I was lonely and didn’t want to get back to my dingy flat. Yes, Keith, stop grinning, I wasn't at all rich at the time. We started talking, and it turned out that she was very funny, in a sarcastic sort of way. She was very blunt, too, and I liked that about her. She said I looked as if no one was taking care of me. It rang so true that I didn’t know how to reply to that. She only smiled indulgently and asked if I wanted to go to hers. I agreed. And this meeting changed my life.

“She took control in the bedroom every time we did it. I hope you won’t get jealous, Keith, it’s been years ago. But she… it’s as if she knew how to make me meek and obedient. It’s been good. Then, she brought me to a BDSM club. There, I felt as if I am not a freak with my prosthetic for the first time in my life. I know, I know! Everything is fine with me! Let me get back to the story, Keith! So, where was I… In that club, she showed me some Femdom couples, even let me play with one of her acquaintances, just a little. When we came home, she offered me to try subbing for her. I thought about it long and hard and agreed, in the end.

“She was very mild, at first. She dressed in rose-coloured lingerie and ordered me around. Then, she started playing more roughly, made me beg a lot. I enjoyed it. It was just what I needed after the stress at work. I think we were a good match, BDSM-wise. We didn’t really date after we started playing, y’know? And then… And then she suddenly wanted to go 24/7. I told her I don’t want it, that two sessions a week are my maximum. She… She got very angry.”

Takashi’s voice wavers when he continues.

“She said that I was _a disgusting cock-thirsty coward_.”

There, he said it aloud. The words taste so gross on his tongue.

This time, Keith finally explodes.

“What a fucking asshole! So full of shit!!”

“She apologized,” Takashi says.

“Oh, really? Well, good for her. At least she was not a complete loser, then.”

Seeing Keith fuming makes it inexplicably easier to accept that this thing had happened to Shiro for real… and that it’s in the past now.

“I haven't let anyone top me since her,” Takashi finds himself saying.

“Oh”.

Keith looks stunned, and it’s adorable.

“I kinda didn’t think she was, you know…” Keith mutters and ducks his head.

“Pegging me?” Takashi says in the boldest manner he can manage and grins.

This earns him a glare.

Then, Keith’s face gets all serious and his brows do this silly little dance, like when Keith is thinking about something really hard and doesn’t know how to put his thoughts into words.

“So, that time when you blushed like a dork when I joked that I’d spank you…”

“Keith, what the everloving fuck!”

“See, all red in the face again! A-ha, Shi…Takashi, I knew it!”

Takashi stands up and tries to smack Keith upside the head but Keith is much quicker. He flees to the kitchen, runs a circle around the living room, then slips to the bedroom, and finally allows Takashi to catch him there. They stumble on the bed, out of breath and giddy, and settle down on their sides, facing each other.

“So, will you tell me what she did to you?” Keith whispers conspiratorially.

“Everything I did to _you_ , smart-ass,” Takashi whispers in kind.

Keith quiets down significantly. Takashi feels smug.

It prompts him to keep teasing Keith.

“Remember how I put ginger in your ass?” Takashi asks.

Takashi’s metal hand travels down Keith’s spine and squeezes said remarkable ass.

Keith gasps.

“I could give you a repeat performance if you feel the need,” Takashi offers innocently.

“No, no, no,” Keith assures him in a breathy voice. “Anything but that, please. A little spanking, maybe?”

“Just a little? For such a brat?” Takashi marvels, and slaps Keith’s cheeks for good measure, making Keith shriek in surprise.

“You’ve persuaded me that I don’t need anything today, Takashi. Better no spanking than an insufficient spanking!”

They wrestle a little, just for fun, and then Keith extricates himself from Takashi’s embrace saying he needs to use the bathroom.

Takashi tries to slap Keith’s butt again when the latter is standing up, for good measure, but misses. How is Keith so quick?

Looking down at Takashi, Keith remarks with a shit-eating grin, “Ah, I forgot to tell you. Imagine, we’ve met two women yesterday who brought you home that one time you got so drunk you couldn’t stand. We talked a little, they recognized us too.”

Takashi drops his head on the pillow with a thud and moans exaggeratedly, putting both hands over his face. Do these women follow him or something? He was at another bar the first time, for fuck’s sake!

“I hope these nice women won’t move after us to another city, too!” he shouts at Keith’s retreating back.

Keith only chuckles.

It’s when Keith returns to the bedroom that he remembers about Lance’s “urgent question”.

Takashi is reading in bed. Keith climbs in next to him and tucks himself at Takashi’s side before making the call.

“Hey, Lance? Yes, sorry. There was an emergency. Yes, an important one. Oh my god, why can’t we talk it over by phone? Why, you want Takashi present? I can put you on speaker!”

Keith nudges Takashi with his shoulder and puts his phone between them. Takashi turns off his Kindle and starts paying attention.

Lance’s voice sounds honestly worried, and, for once, serious. It immediately alarms Takashi.

“Shiro, Keith? Please, can we crash at your place for just a few days?”

Keith and Takashi share a look, and Takashi answers for them both, anticipating a long story.

“Sure, Lance, you can come here first thing in the morning. Now tell us, please, what went wrong?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you say about Takashi's backstory? This man sure carries a lot of baggage!
> 
> This is how I imagine Shiro's Mistress Lelia (it's Lil Kim in the "Lady Marmelade" video):  
>   
> I saw this video so many times as a teen, it should have stuck.
> 
> And this is Shiro after getting drunk:  
> 
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
> Please, leave me a comment! It motivates me to write more like nothing else!


	13. When All The Kitties Go Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Takashi help Lance and Hunk deal with their problems.  
> Takashi finally meets Allura.  
> Keith and Lance have a bit of a quarrel because Keith is being an annoying little shit, and Keith has to pay his dues later.  
> The move finally happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies!
> 
> Another chapter is there! This time, you get some friendship goals, some problem-solving, and some mild spanking smut!  
> As always, a big thanks goes to my dear [nudge](https://archiveofourown.org/users/give_it_a_little_nudge/) for being the pillar of support I so need.
> 
> With that, please enjoy your reading!

“Shiro, Keith? Please, can we crash at your place for just a few days?”

It can’t mean anything positive when Lance sounds like this. Lance’s next phrase only confirms it.

“Our landlord refused to prolong the renting contract after she learned that Hunk and I are dating!”

Keith sees red.

He wants to strangle his old landlady so much that his fingers ache.

It’s been his idea - to give up his part of the lease to Hunk so that the love birds could stay together which they obviously wanted. It seemed like such a logical decision at the time. The landlady assured them there won’t be any complications.

That old hag and her lying mouth!

Lance continues talking, and Keith tries to concentrate on his words before he says something rash.

“Hunk can’t go to his old room anymore - his ex-roommates have found a replacement already, and we won’t find a new place in one day! It’s impossible!”

“But how can she make you leave the flat in one day? Such things must not be allowed,” Takashi chimes in, trying to be the voice of reason.

“I bet she can make us feel sorry that we didn’t listen the first time if we refuse,” Hunk says, “And I am not in the mood to deal with her, not tomorrow, not ever! I can still hear her shrill soprano destroy my eardrums. No, thank you. If you can’t let us in, we’ll find something, but I am not wasting my nerve cells for naught. Nu-huh. I’m not. This woman shouldn’t be allowed to talk to people at all if you ask me. I wouldn’t have agreed on moving into this flat if I knew what she really is. Sorry, Lance, nothing personal.”

“Oh, Hunk,” Lance laments. “I’m sorry for bringing you into this mess. Our landlady has always been awful but not straight-out-of-hell awful.”

They agree on the time when boys will arrive and hang up.

Keith will ask Lance about the details later, preferably, in person. He is sure Lance will feel the need to share.

For now, Keith and Takashi have to bring the guestroom that worked as a storeroom into a suitable condition. Reluctantly, they get out of bed and get to work. They can get cozy another time. It’s convenient that today is Saturday. They don’t have to be anywhere tomorrow, and going to bed late because of one full-scale cleaning won’t hurt anything.

Lance and Hunk own some sleeping bags so they can use them on the first night of their stay. Better than the couch. If it was only Lance, then yes, he could fit, but with Hunk… Nah, better not to try, both for the boys’ and the couch’s sakes.

While Keith and Takashi work, a stray thought crawls into Keith’s head. If they’re moving out in just two days, then maybe the boys could…? This is Takashi’s flat, though, and Keith would never assume.

But Takashi surpasses all his expectations.

When Lance and Hunk arrive later, their belongings in tow (“I only now realized that not owning much is a blessing!” as Hunk put it), and stand meekly in the corridor, Takashi ushers them inside and offers them tea. Keith is the one to make it because Takashi immediately busies himself with sorting out Lance and Hunk’s stuff. Then, over biscuits (which Keith was thoughtful enough to bring to the table), Takashi asks their friends, “What do you think about keeping my flat in order while we’re so far away?”

Lance and Hunk lose the ability to speak for a few seconds.

Keith does, too, but his reaction is not of importance this time. He isn’t on the receiving end of Shiro’s generosity this time. While everyone is processing, Keith uses the opportunity to look at his boyfriend with pride and appreciation.

Keith’s moment of contentment doesn’t last: Lance and Hunk unfreeze and start shouting their “Thank you!”-s and “We won’t let you down!”-s.

Hunk even goes as far as to promise that they will be quiet, just like mice, so that no one will even notice that they’re living here.

Of course, the very next day Keith and Takashi return home and overhear Lance getting fucked by Hunk.

Keith is mortified. He tries to imagine whether he sounded that desperate every time Takashi fucked him, and gets even more embarrassed.

Takashi, on the other hand, just shrugs, completely unphased, and herds Keith to the kitchen.

“I should take you to the club some day,” he says dreamily. “It’s a pity we leave the day after tomorrow”.

Only then does Keith realize what kind of club Takashi means.

Keith thinks there must be steam coming out of his ears.

Takashi surely enjoys the show because he hugs Keith from behind, bites his earlobe gently, and starts whispering sultry stuff.

“After they’re done, we’ll send them to fetch groceries… Don’t interrupt, Keith, I don’t care if they buy a Mentos and a chocolate bar, I just want them out of the flat. You’re going to go to the bedroom now and put your headphones on so that Lance doesn’t distract you. You will lie down on the bed and try to remember how many times you thought about fucking me in the ass yesterday and today.”

Keith jerks in Takashi’s arms but Takashi holds fast.

“When I lock the door after these two, I will come to you and give you twice as many spanks as the number you’ll tell me. And then I am going to let you ride me until I come. If you manage to come yourself while you pleasure me, be my guest, if not…”

Takashi chuckles darkly and leaves Keith standing in the middle of the kitchen, quickly hardening in his (stupidly tight!) jeans.

Keith comes twice that evening, once riding Takashi after his brief, but fiery, spanking and then once again later, when Takashi puts him on all fours and languorously fucks him from behind.

Afterward, Takashi cleans them both up, then invites Keith over his lap. Takashi explains that Keith has to get spanked once more because his second orgasm happened without Takashi’s permission. It’s a little in the grey area because Takashi only talked about one love-making and one orgasm when he stated the rules for the night but Keith has no objections. Why would he, when he gets to be hurting and pretending that Takashi is treating him with utmost cruelty while secretly relishing every blow?

Takashi asks if Keith can take it, and Keith confirms. That’s how they play lately, and Keith knows Takashi wouldn’t take lightly to Keith ignoring his own signs of distress or omitting how he really feels.

As expected, it’s torture to be spanked again so soon. It seems to Keith that the pain from every smack is magnified tenfold. Keith whimpers and bangs his fists on the bed but otherwise, lies still and behaves for Takashi.

In any case, it feels so good to be reminded that Takashi sets the rules. It soothes something in Keith; something deep and skittish inside him that yearns for stability. It allows Keith to relax and forget about his worries. Here, in their bedroom, Keith is not in charge. He also doesn’t have to be on alert. Takashi has proven to him that he is able to instill the order he requires from Keith, which allows Keith to finally lay back and stop worrying because the Earth won’t stop turning without his watchful eye.

In the middle of the ordeal Takashi asks for his colour again and, of course, it's “green”.

When the punishment is over, Takashi lays Keith on his stomach and spends an inordinate amount of time groping and squeezing his throbbing ass. It’s another form of submission for Keith. He has to lie there and endure the unpleasant touches. He can only whine, and swallow the residual tears, letting Takashi enjoy the fruits of his labour. 

At times like this, Keith feels like an offering to Takashi. It’s as if he and all his reactions exist for Takashi alone; as if Keith’s sole purpose in life is Takashi’s sensual pleasure. 

Later, Keith’s poor butt is treated with a cooling cream, and Takashi coos over him and calls him a good boy, praises him for being so pretty and obedient. He brings Keith to the bath and gives him orange juice and apple slices. He towels Keith off, carries him back to the bed and puts him under the covers.

It’s a good thing he doesn’t have to see Lance and Hunk afterwards, Keith thinks closing his eyes. If Keith had to go out of the room and meet them, Takashi would have to talk in his stead because right now Keith can only do what Takashi orders him. He is too much of a happy, relaxed goo for anything else.

Keith wonders how it would feel to let Lance and Hunk know what Takashi is for Keith; what he does to Keith. Lance has already seen Keith wear a cock cage, and it was fine. Maybe, it would be kind of nice to be able to casually complain to Lance about his smarting butt over breakfast. Keith falls asleep picturing how Lance would pity him and Hunk would comment on how he reaped what he sowed.

The next day is spent in preparation for the road and making last-minute arrangements. Keith finds the pain in his backside comforting. Whenever it seems that there’s no way he and Takashi will be ready in time, he sits down. Every time, he flinches, fights down the urge to hiss and grimace, and forgets all about his other worries for a bit.

Lance and Hunk prove to be great helpers and the worst procrastinators alternately. It’s a good thing they listen to Takashi and leave him and Keith alone whenever they’re asked to.

Also, Keith is happy to spend so much time around Lance before the move but dammit, does this man ever shut up?

In the evening, Allura comes to visit. Her busy schedule didn’t allow her to come earlier. Finally, she and Takashi meet and talk in person. They are so invested in their conversation that Keith would be jealous if he wasn’t sitting in Takashi’s lap on his still tender butt.

Lance joins the conversation later. Soon, he is completely enthralled by Allura, and then it’s Hunk’s turn to feel petty. Allura doesn’t seem to notice the attention, as engrossed in her talk with Takashi as she is. It’s for the best; Keith doesn’t want to learn what Lance and Hunk’s fights look like.

After Allura wishes them a safe trip and leaves, Keith gives Lance and Hunk one more lecture on what they are allowed to do in the flat and what they shouldn’t EVER do if they want to stay alive.

“We will be visiting for the New Year, and then sometimes when we have a vacation, and…”

“Keith, I love you like a brother but if you tell me not to open Takashi’s bedroom once more, I will shoot you from my Star Wars cosplay gun!”

“No threats of violence in this house,” Takashi adds his five cents and grins.

“Of course not!” Lance agrees easily. “Because everyone here is a reasonable, mature adult.”

Keith sends a pillow in Lance’s face.

“Hey!” Lance shouts, full of rightful indignation. “No violence, Shiro said!”

“He said, no threats,” Keith points out and tackles his best friend to the floor.

In less than a minute, the fight is stopped by Takashi and Hunk who are both _not impressed_.

Keith and Lance exchange a look full of understanding. It was worth it.

They’re sent to their rooms like rowdy teenagers, and they don’t even argue.

Takashi sends an especially murderous glance Keith’s way when he closes the door to the bedroom behind him, and Keith feels a chill go up his spine.

He flops on the bed.

Sitting on a freshly spanked bum on the way to their new place will be torturous at best. Maybe, Takashi will wait until they arrive? Surely, he won’t spank Keith when the others might overhear.

Turns out, Keith was wrong in everything. Takashi produces a bit gag and a thing that he calls “Loopy Johnny” from somewhere under the bed. This Loopy Johnny consists of a short leather handle and several rounded edge rubber loops. It looks innocent enough for Keith to doubt the necessity of using the gag. He doesn’t argue, though, and opens his mouth obediently for Takashi to silence him. Keith is also given a squeaking dog toy as his temporary safeword, and the discipline starts. 

Keith almost drops the toy to the floor after the first strike.

This thing **_hurts_**!

He sniffles and kicks his feet in no time.

He absolutely despises this implement!

It’s maybe the first time when Keith’s punishment in this house is well-deserved, non-sexual and driving its point across at once, and Keith hates this fact. 

He goes to sleep on his belly, his poor stinging ass covered in an Aloe Vera cream.

No, Keith decides, ruffling up Lance’s feathers wasn’t worth it.

In the morning, very early, Keith is woken up by Takashi’s hands roaming over his very sensitive butt. Takashi bites his lip, one of his hands flies over his cock, and the other is kneading Keith’s flesh with fervor. He definitely has a thing for Keith's punished rump. Keith stifles his moans, half-pain, half-pleasure, into the pillow. It doesn't take long. Soon Keith feels the splashes of Takashi’s come land on his skin.

It’s hot.

Takashi cleans Keith up (after he spent enough time enjoying the view) and then allows him to turn around. Keith is hard and aching by that time.

Takashi strokes Keith’s cock once and says, “Naughty boys don’t get to come so soon after they have been spanked, baby.”

Keith whimpers and turns his pleading eyes on Takashi.

“Aww, don’t pout. I can suck your pretty little cock because I feel like it but I won’t make you come. What do you say?”

“Please…”

“See, you can be nice when you try,” Takashi praises and puts his mouth on Keith.

It’s sensual, arousing and unimaginably sweet how Takashi’s lips stretch around Keith’s girth. Takashi bobs his head up and down unhurriedly, savouring, even. It allows Keith to sink into it. Keith doesn’t even feel sorry that he won’t come; this soft, lax state is a pleasure in itself.

“That’s my pretty boy,” Takashi whispers, pushing Keith further up the bed and manhandling him to lie on his belly.

He opens Keith up slowly, then fucks him in just the same manner.

Keith feels so good that he starts crying. He scares Takashi a little with his tears but he explains that they’re good tears, and no, he doesn’t need to come, he’ll just lie here and let Takashi take him.

Later, Takashi leaves him to sleep until the very last minute.

Keith barely has time to eat and hug his friends before it’s time to go.

He can’t even tell how thankful he is to Takashi for not making him stick around for the final round of getting ready for the trip.

Keith’s butt smarts when he takes his seat in the car but it’s nothing he can’t handle. His chastity month, while being an absolute disaster, taught him a thing or two about patience.

It doesn’t matter much anyway since, with Takashi on the next seat, the three-hour ride seems short.

  
  


When they exit the car in the underground garage of their new house, Takashi takes a black headband with tiny black cat ears out of his bag. He holds the headband in his outstretched hands, offering it to Keith.

Keith, who was jumping around and trying to make his limbs move after the last long trek, just stares at Takashi in response. Does he expect Keith to wear it now? Why? What kind of silly sex games does Takashi have in mind?

Noticing Keith’s rather unhappy reaction, Takashi lowers his arms and smiles apologetically.

“I just thought about this tradition some people have… To let a cat enter the new house first, for luck. I thought that it would be cute if this cat were you. Nevermind…”

Keith’s cheeks burn from the very thought of someone else seeing him like this in daylight. Is it what Takashi wants, to embarrass him? But Takashi never did anything to make Keith believe so. 

Keith is at a loss of what to do.

He should be helping Takashi unpack the trunk but instead Keith just stands there and stares at Takashi’s back.

Takashi wanted him to be cute. Like a game. So that he could coo at Keith and, maybe, pet him and praise him, and tell him that he’s a wonderful kitten…

When put like that, it doesn’t sound like some sort of outing Keith’s submissive side to the public. It sounds like something they both would enjoy.

Takashi looks so disappointed now. Keith’s mind goes to the last hour of their journey when Takashi would grin at Keith out of nowhere and refuse to explain what was so funny when asked. Keith couldn’t come up with any idea of why Takashi would be so energetic then. 

Turns out, that’s why. Takashi was looking forward to making a kitty out of Keith. And Keith spoiled all his fun because he was afraid that Takashi wanted to make him look a fool.

Now Keith certainly does feel like a fool.

He watches Takashi sort and organize the bags so that he could carry them easier, watches him lift the heaviest one with an “oof!”. He doesn’t know how to redeem himself in Takashi’s eyes, how to make things right between them again.

It’s not like a little warning or explanation beforehand from Takashi would hurt, but...

Takashi is already heading towards the elevator. He left some boxes for Keith to carry, too. Keith realises that it’s now or never. If Takashi enters the flat first, he won’t catch that luck he wished for.

Keith steels himself.

“Meow,” Keith says in the silence of the garage.

When Takashi turns, wide-eyed and uncomprehending, Keith repeats, “Meow!” and pulls his hands up to his chest as if they were paws. Takashi gasps, basically throws the box to the floor, and sprints back to Keith. Still shy after his kitty-show, Keith doesn’t know where to look when Takashi takes him in his arms, hugs him tight, and starts thanking him.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have surprised you like that,” Takashi says.

Keith shakes his head. It was alright, he wants to say. It’s me who got stuck.

But he doesn’t have a chance to speak because then Takashi is kissing him and spinning him around, and Keith can’t think straight when Takashi gets like that. It’s overwhelming in the best way.

“Sorry, baby,” Takashi mutters between kisses. “I won’t make you wear it when you’re not at home, OK? It was presumptuous of me”.

Keith tries to nod, fails, tries to say it’s all fine and drowns in a kiss instead; finally, he gives up and surrenders to Takashi.

Takashi puts the hairband with cat ears onto Keith’s head after they have reached the door to their new flat.

Keith poises his hand over the doorknob and pauses, unsure. He has no idea what to do after he crosses the threshold. What would a real house cat do in his place?

How would he know? He is not even a cat person, his boyfriend is! Keith is ready to drop the whole act because he starts feeling stupid and out of place but one look back at Takashi changes his disposition.

Takashi’s gaze holds nothing but adoration. Actually, it’s more than that: never before did Takashi look so obviously smitten with Keith.

This picture makes Keith want to giggle and is enough to push him to continue his Quest for Luck.

Keith enters the flat tentatively, wary of dangers that an unknown place might hold. He pretends to sniff the air and tilts his head to the side as if straining his ears in search of suspicious sounds. To his own relief, there’s nothing startling or unexpected about their new dwelling. It’s pretty standard: beige walls, cream-coloured carpets, and dark-brown furniture. It looks well-kept and tidy. As for the sounds, there are… almost none. Their new house is in a quiet neighbourhood, much further from the center of busy city life than Takashi’s flat where they lived before. Keith decides that this flat will do.

At last, Keith turns around to face Takashi and attempts to mimic the purring sound cats make when they’re pleased. Keith thinks he nails it (or Takashi is just biased), since Takashi has a gooey smile on and basically looks like he could melt into the floor right now from all the affection he feels.

When Takashi starts praising Keith and all but cooing at him, Keith has enough of this syrupy sweetness.

He decides that Takashi deserves something… spicy for making Keith feel self-conscious before.

So Keith leans on the nearest wall with his front, puts his arms above his head, and flexes his back, thrusting his butt out. This position is well-known to him, and he doesn’t feel any embarrassment; rather, he feels daring and self-assured. There is no way Takashi will not take the bait.

Hearing Takashi’s sharp intake of breath, Keith yawns and stretches theatrically. At that, Takashi has to stifle a very sinful moan. 

Hook, line, and sinker.

In a fluid motion, Keith detaches himself from the wall. He straightens his back and puts his kitty-eared headband on the nearest shelf.

Takashi looks as if he can’t comprehend what’s happening. Oh, is that a pout Keith sees? It definitely is!

Poor baby!

If Keith were a kind person, he would feel some sort of compassion now. The thing is, Keith is not.

“Let this flat be a lucky one!” Keith announces, and waltzes past Takashi back into the hallway. “I’ll ping the elevator. There must be a lot to carry yet!”

If Takashi’s defeated groan makes Keith smirk evilly, no one has to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to hear your thoughts on Keith and Lance's shenanigans. Keith is such a little gremlin sometimes...)  
> He just didn't have enough fun in his early years, I suppose. He needs to fill this void!
> 
> Do you like the new dynamic between Keith and Takashi? 
> 
> Also, the kitty-hairband incident! It is a very simple situation in a casual setting but such things set the mood of the relationship like nothing else. Do you agree?
> 
> (also I like how Takashi calls Keith's cock little while it's actually not that small, and they both get off on this)
> 
> Thank you for reading, and we are slowly reaching our destination in this story!


	14. When Your Fear Is Tearing You to Shreds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Takashi settle into their new life. It's not easy but their friends are there for them. The Holts come to visit, bringing a little mayhem with them.
> 
> Takashi wants to experiment in the bedroom but is very scared to bring up any of his ideas.
> 
> Takashi and Keith have their first big fight after their big love confessions.
> 
> And oh, Pidge is the most wonderful, talented, clever woman in the whole Galaxy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> Another chapter is there! I've managed to keep up with some sort of schedule. Working on this story brings me a lot of joy (and introspection ah-ha).
> 
> Warnings: a depressive episode by Takashi, separation anxiety by Keith, relationship angst featuring both of them!

“Do you want to watch me?”

“I always watch you, Takashi,” Keith replies, uncomprehending.

Takashi should be more specific, yes. Keith doesn’t read minds.

It shouldn’t be as embarrassing as it is, to tell Keith what he wants. He does it all the time when his wishes concern Keith and his body.

“Takashi?” Keith inquires in a worried tone.

Takashi steels himself and says the words looking Keith in the eyes (the first sentence, at least, then he starts mumbling and has to hide his gaze).

“I want to try… fingering myself with you watching, and, maybe, something more, you know, something… Ah, whatever. I wanted to say... I want to let you do this to me but I am not ready. Yet. I mean. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I just… Keith, you know...”

Keith interrupts, “Whatever you say, I will do exactly that. You don’t have to explain, just tell me what you want from me.”

Takashi swallows.

He wants Keith to fuck him. Oh, how he wants that! But that's not all. He wants Keith to lay him bare and expose him; he wants Keith to make him take it. He wants to remember the feeling of surrendering to someone else’s power. Takashi wants to be teased and challenged; he wants to  _ earn _ his pleasure from Keith. He wants to be good, like Keith has been for him so many times.

But it’s a lot to offer at once, and Takashi simply can’t do that today.

“We’ll start slowly, then. Sometime soon, I think,” he tells Keith in a timid voice, and his lovely, precious, caring boyfriend nods and leans in to kiss Takashi on the cheek.

“Whenever you say, Takashi,” Keith promises.

Takashi thinks they could try playing this way next week. He and Keith are more than ready to change their roles in the bedroom, not to mention how horny the very idea makes them.

To Takashi and Keith’s mutual dismay, their “foray into the unknown” gets delayed several times because of reasons they can’t really control.

  
  


First, it’s nothing special: they have just moved in, and their new flat doesn’t feel homey enough to start playing. It’s clean and well-furnished but also too sterile, too empty. Keith spends their first weekend on the new turf ordering everything Lance tells him to, from new curtains and couch pillows to colourful kitchen appliances and a new doormat. Takashi has to basically put his credit card in Keith’s hands and make him pay with it. Takashi says that if he can’t participate in choosing new stuff and organizing their interior because he is permanently busy then he can at least be the sponsor. Keith and Lance’s joint efforts wield great results: by Monday, the flat looks like it belongs to Takashi and Keith, finally.

Second, the Holts come for a visit. They come in small parties. The first to arrive is Matt who doesn’t stay even for two days, too preoccupied with his last experiment. Takashi is relieved to confirm for himself that he doesn’t envy Matt and that a career in science doesn’t seem desirable now. He has a lot of fun navigating his new office landscape and planning his imminent success. When he reaches the top, he’ll be able to change the company for the better (in all ways). Takashi is oh-so looking forward to it.

After Matt, Colleen and Sam Holts arrive. They stay for a week and are still there five days later when Matt’s genius sister, Pidge, rings the doorbell. According to Matt, right now Pidge has a suspicious job where she’s doing something highly ethically questionable. She calls it “white hat hacking,” and assures everyone interested enough to ask that it’s completely legal. As expected, Pidge also completely ignores her mother’s questions on why she has to travel so much and live goddess knows where. 

Keith hits it off with Matt immediately, gets adopted by Colleen, is a little shy in the presence of Sam, a renowned scientist, and goes absolutely ballistic every time he collides with Pidge. Takashi loves the Holts deeply but it’s a lot of commotion, and he is relieved to wave them all goodbye.

Third, Keith and Takashi have a giant fight shortly after the Holts’ departure. Maybe, it’s the result of the residual tension after having so many guests. Or maybe, the time has come to explore emotional wounds left by the first rocky months of their relationship. In any case, Keith accuses Takashi of always being a selfish asshole, and it goes down the hill from there. They’re lucky it’s Sunday morning when they start with the back-and-forth. Who knows what they’d do, were it an evening of a weekday.

To be honest, the fight comes up as a complete surprise for Takashi. He kind of thought that they talked about what’s important. Keith informs him that no, they didn’t. And, as it turns out, Keith holds so many grudges. If Takashi can call them that. 

When shit hits the fan, Takashi recalls that he has things he would like to complain about, too. For example, he calls Keith out on never renegotiating during their plays when it became too much for him. In response, Keith accuses Takashi of using his power over Keith to coerce him to do things Keith wouldn’t have done otherwise. It sounds so horrific that Takashi just gapes at Keith, dumbfounded. He is in no state to continue the conversation after that.

Keith has to fetch a glass of water for Takashi to help him unfreeze. 

This situation makes them both come back to earth and apologize. Nothing feels right, though. Instead of cooking dinner, Takashi and Keith order sushi and then watch some stupid film together which is supposed to help them unwind. Needless to say, neither of them manage to see much of the film at all; they’re too submerged into their thoughts for that.

They spend the evening in a nest on the bed, with Keith weeping into Takashi’s shoulder. For about forty minutes, Takashi has to listen to Keith retelling his own version of events. Takashi doesn’t know how he manages to endure it without trying to disappear forever. When Keith talks about how he thought that Takashi was just using him because it was easy and convenient, Takashi has to bite his fist surreptitiously so as not to disrupt the flow of Keith’s story. Then Takashi repeats that he’s sorry and that it’s going to be alright now enough times for Keith to believe him, and then he sings Keith to sleep.

Takashi, on the other hand, doesn’t sleep at all that night.

Is he really such a monster?

Did he really make Keith feel that bad?

If he did, he won’t be able to live with himself.

The morning finds Takashi in a state of mournful acquiescence. He really is the worst, and when he was doing all those things to Keith he knew that they were wrong. What’s more important, he knew that they were hurtful for Keith. Takashi still did those things. He put his own lust over what Keith needed or wanted one too many times. He is the older and more experienced one in this relationship; he should’ve been wiser. He didn’t even know he was Keith’s first when he fucked him. Not that Takashi has been too rough; but he would’ve definitely treated Keith with more consideration if he knew.

The very idea that he’s been anything but tender and loving to Keith when they weren’t playing hurts Takashi now.

Takashi calls in to work and asks for a day off because of a "family emergency". He already has a good reputation, and his boss allows it easily.

Takashi dresses, kisses Keith on the cheek, unable not to indulge himself, takes the car and heads out of the city. He drives carefully, as he always does now. He drives, and drives, and drives, until his stomach is rumbling and his throat is parched. Takashi didn’t have anything to eat today. He stops at the next gas station and buys a bottle of water and a chocolate bar at the shop there. Then, he sits down on a bench outside the shop and eats. 

Takashi doesn’t feel anything. He is emotionally and physically drained. When he stands up and sways a little, he realises that he is in no state to drive back. This is when Takashi checks his phone for the first time since morning (has he put it on mute?): 10 unanswered messages from Keith; also 12 calls from Keith, 2 from Lance, 5 from Matt and one from Hunk. Shiro sends Keith a short, “I’m okay,” and climbs into the car to have a nap. He reclines the driver’s seat and puts his hat he found on one of the backseats over his eyes. Darkness swallows him immediately.

Takashi wakes up to the sound of drumming on his side window and Pidge’s face behind it. It’s as good a wakeup call as any.

“What are you doing here? You left!” is the first thing out of Takashi’s mouth after he unlocks the car door for her.

Pidge climbs into the passenger seat and throws her considerable backpack to the backseat.

“I did but I didn’t go far. I had business in the neighbouring town and when I was returning home (hitchhiking, this time), I decided to check on you and Keith. A-and, I saw your car on the map right on my way. So, I thanked my ride and exited right here, to see you.”

“It’s dangerous!”

“Don’t, Shiro, plea-se-e,” Pidge drawls, instantly bored. “You better tell me what brought you, a boring old man, to this side of nowhere.”

Takashi is unexpectedly honest and on the point in his reply.

“I am an ass and I don’t deserve Keith. And I don’t know what to do with that.”

Pidge facepalms.

Then, before Shiro can do anything, she clicks something on her phone and her earpiece blinks its LED. Is she calling Keith?!

“Hey, “Hot Pants”?”

Yes, she is. The ridiculous nickname is reserved only for Keith.

“Yeah, I missed you too. Still wish Matt would let me kick your skinny ass. Nah, stop, don’t hang up, just listen: I’m in Shiro’s car! Yes, of course he’s here with me! So tell me, Hot Pants, what got Shiro so bothered that he tried to run for the state border?”

Shiro is following the exchange with numb terror.

“... nah, Keith, he just happened to be here, in this hole, at the same time as I. Don’t cry there, he’s fine! He’s fine! Fuck, Keith! Just talk to him!”

With this, the phone is thrust at Takashi, and he has no other option but to take it and talk to his boyfriend.

Keith sounds… He sounds hollow. Even worse than yesterday when he cried.

“Takashi?”

In the background, Takashi can hear Pidge calling Matt, apparently from Shiro’s own phone (“Hey, it’s me! Yes, Shiro is alright, he’s with me now! How did I get here? A long story, m’kay? Bye, need to call Lance, you know, Hot Pants’ bestie!”)

“Keith? I am coming home soon,” Takashi finds himself saying. He wishes nothing more but to be back home, with Keith now.

“I thought you left,” Keith says, quietly, resignedly, and Shiro’s stomach starts churning. If he wasn’t a real jerk before (“if” being the keyword), he’d certainly be considered one now.

“Keith, I didn’t. I just…. My head was exploding, and I needed to get away for a bit…”

On the other end of the line, Keith starts crying.

“Keith, please, don’t cry, I’ll be back soon, please, Keith! You can do whatever you want to me when I get back just don’t cry!”

The phone is wrangled out of his hands then, and Pidge tells Keith, “Hey, Hot Pants, it’s gonna be fine, I’m bringing the big old dumbass back, okay? We’ll be back in two hours, three tops, you hear me? It’s gonna be fine, call Lance, or, y’know, just make yourself tea, I’ll tell Lance to call you. Can you make us sandwiches for when we arrive? Please? Shiro is famished. Yeah, yeah, see you in three hours.”

Shiro can only watch, as if from afar, how Pidge calls Lance next, and orders him to call Keith.

“Shiro is alright, just had a rough day, is all. Stop wasting time and call Keith already!”

Pidge hangs up and looks at Takashi. She doesn’t give him his phone back.

“Who is this Hunk?”

“Lance’s boyfriend,” Takashi replies automatically.

“Then I don’t have to call him, phew. What a relief.”

Pidge sighs and drops her head on the headrest with a thump.

“Oof! That was a lot of talking! But we need to start driving if we ever want to arrive at your flat.”

Takashi straightens his seat and goes to start the engine but Pidge gives him a push on the shoulder. At Shiro’s incredulous look she just sends him to the backseat so that he could nap some more while they ride.

“Don’t make this face, Shiro,” she comments. “You know I have a licence. And don't make scared eyes at me; y’know I wouldn’t ever drive unsafely with you in the car.”

Shiro is too tired to put up a fight, and so he gracelessly surrenders his own car to his youngest almost-sister.

“You can use my backpack as a pillow,” Pidge adds generously when Takashi’s trying to make himself comfortable, and climbs into the driver’s seat right over the center console.

As before, Takashi succumbs to sleep quickly. Next thing he knows is Keith opening the car door and crying on his chest. Takashi’s brain is so muddled-up that he just pets Keith’s hair and tells him that it’s all fine.

It’s only when Keith lifts up his eyes, red-rimmed and puffy, and starts pleading with Takashi to not leave because Keith will never, ever tell a rude word to him again, that Takashi’s brain hurries online.

It all comes rushing back: his sleepless night, his impulsive decision to run into the night and drive goddess knows where, his one (!) text to Keith for the whole day.

“Guys, guys, I need to go to the bathroom! Please, you can talk upstairs!” Pidge’s voice comes from outside the car. Takashi wants to ignore her and try to console Keith but the latter is already extracting himself out of Takashi’s arms and walking to Pidge. Takashi has no other way but to follow.

Pidge makes a beeline for the toilet, just as she promised.

Takashi doesn’t know what to do now that they’re alone. Keith looks skittish and doesn’t say anything anymore. But he goes to the kitchen, and Takashi goes with him.

Keith made sandwiches for them, indeed.

Takashi is oddly touched. At the same time, Keith’s show of care only makes him feel a worse person.

It would be sensible to eat; Takashi only ate a chocolate bar today. But, at the moment, he doesn’t feel hungry, or thirsty, or anything at all that isn’t his all-consuming angst.

“Keith, I…” Takashi starts, and can’t find the words.

They stand in silence, the table with the sandwiches between them, and throw uneasy glances at each other. Takashi is  _ so scared _ . He thinks his teeth might have started chattering.

And again, Takashi is rescued by Pidge who appears in the kitchen in a burst of motion, and attacks the sandwiches with a fury rivalling only her sarcasm. In between the bites, she tells them that they’re insufferable; also, goddess bless Keith’s cooking skills because it’s the only bright side of her day that she (so unwisely) chose to spend with them morons.

“Sit down, you both!” Pidge urges with her mouth full. “You ruin my appetite!” 

And she digs in with more vigour.

When neither moves, Pidge chews carefully what she already has in her mouth, swallows, and says in a very flat tone, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Predictably, she receives no reply.

“Shiro?” she turns to him. “Please, take a seat right here.”

Pidge pats the chair next to her. Takashi obliges.

“And you, Hot Pants, sit next to Shiro at the head of the table.”

Keith obeys as well.

“Great!”

Pidge claps her hands, playing up her excitement.

“Remember, I’m only doing this because I was starving and Keith’s sandwiches are so damn nice,” Pidge says.

She is doing what now, Takashi wonders?

And then Pidge throws them out of the loop by saying, “Now each of you will tell me how your day went. Just the events! No emotional garbage, Shiro, please! So, Hot Pants, you start.”

It’s a testament to how exhausted Keith is that he doesn’t argue.

“I woke up, and Takashi wasn’t there. I decided he needed to go to work early and wrote him a good morning text, then got ready for my own work and went there by bus. I sent Takashi a few more texts over the day, none got a reply. I started worrying. Then, I got one text, the “I’m okay” one, and that was it. Takashi didn’t pick up when I called. So I called your office. They said that Takashi wasn’t there today. I called him again, and again. He still didn’t answer. Then I called Matt. Matt didn’t know anything. I called Lance because he sometimes has good ideas when I have none. Lance... wasn’t very helpful. Then I went home and waited. And then Pidge called, and I made sandwiches, and waited. Then… Then you arrived,” Keith finishes a little lamely and turns away, hiding his gaze.

Takashi thinks Keith might be tearing up again.

“That’s wonderful, Hot Pants! Thank you!” Pidge announces approvingly. “Shiro’s turn!”

Takashi recounts the events of his day, starting with his sleepless night before. Keith listens with great attention.

When Takashi stops talking, Pidge adds in the same infuriatingly boisterous tone as before, “And then I found Shiro sleeping in his car next to a gas station on a highway!”

“Were you spying on him?” Keith asks suspiciously.

“No, I just had a bug in his car,” Pidge explains easily.

Keith nods as if it explains anything.

Takashi feels that it is the right time to step in with his apologies.

“Keith, I am sorry I didn’t talk to you…”

But Keith doesn’t let him finish.

“No, I get it, Takashi. You just didn’t want to stay close to me after I told you all these things yesterday. You don’t have to explain.”

“But Keith…”

“No, it’s alright…”

Pidge doesn’t let Keith off the hook.

“Oh my gosh, Keith! No manners at all! Let him TALK, dammit!”

Takashi doesn’t know how to feel about this outburst in his defence but, at least, it gives him a chance to make Keith understand.

“Keith, please, listen,” he starts, accompanied by Pidge’s exaggeratedly bored sigh. For the first time this evening, he feels that he wants her to leave them alone. But he needs to say things to Keith first, and it’s more important than asking Pidge to go away right now.

“Keith, I am sorry. I said a lot of harsh things yesterday, too. I am sorry I hurt you. And I am so sorry I hurt you so much before, I am sorry I’ve been such a heartless jerk and made you suffer. Those first months? I remember how I heard you cry in the night, at my flat, and didn’t come to comfort you. I saw that I was doing everything wrong then, that I was taking more than I should have. But... you never complained, and I continued doing so. I think I just never let it become real in my mind. That you… may have been really hurting because of my actions. I never tried to imagine how it made you feel. But yesterday, you told me… and I… I. Keith, I felt like a monster, and I realised that I didn’t want to subject you to myself anymore. But I love you more than anything, and it broke my heart. This is when I ran away to the garage.”

Takashi takes a breath and looks up. He was looking at his hands on the table all this time. Keith is looking at him strangely, as if he can’t really believe what he’s hearing. Pidge is nowhere to be seen.

“Keith?” Takashi inquires anxiously.

He is still waiting for his verdict.

“Takashi, I love you, too,” Keith starts. Then he slaps his palms over his face, stands up from his chair, shakes himself and steps closer to Takashi’s seat. There, he takes Takashi’s face in his hands and says, dead-serious and with a murderous facial expression, “But if you disappear on me again like today, I swear, I will find you and make you regret it, you hear me?”

Takashi swallows and nods. Not that he ever wanted to repeat his stunt of today but Keith is actually intimidating.

Takashi can hear Pidge’s jovial cheering from the living room (“Go, go, Hot Pants!”) but he can’t concentrate on anything that isn’t Keith right now.

“Good,” Keith says and lets Takashi’s head go. “Now eat your sandwich, you famished old man.”

“Hey,” Takashi tries for an offended tone but he is so relieved that he sounds simply pathetic. He can feel his own tears come close to the surface and starts blinking furiously.

“Pidge,” Keith is talking somewhere in the background. “What do I have to do to make you stay away from us this evening? No bugs, no spying, no overhearing, no nothing.”

“Hmm,” Pidge replies, and now Shiro pauses his chewing because this may have consequences. “I want you to get on one knee and say, “Pidge is the most wonderful, talented, clever woman in the whole Galaxy. I owe her my life and I swear to always cook her whatever food she desires for the rest of eternity.”

Takashi’s mouth falls open and a piece of tomato falls out. Takashi doesn’t notice.

He puts his sandwich on the table and gets to his feet.

In the living room, Keith has lowered himself to one knee in front of Pidge and recounts,

“Pidge, you’re the most wonderful, talented, clever woman in the whole Galaxy. I owe you my life and I swear to always cook you whatever food you desire for the rest of eternity.”

Pidge inclines her head royally (bratty girl!) and says, “I accept your vow, Hot Pants. You may rise.”

Keith stands up, as if nothing’s happened. The royal atmosphere is suddenly gone.

Keith is all business-like when he addresses Pidge.

“Now, you go to the guest bedroom, put your headphones on, and don’t bother us until morning.”

Pidge lost all her air of supremacy. She slumps on the couch and pretends to be dead.

Keith nudges her with his foot.

“Get up, you. We have a deal.”

Pidge pretends to be hurting everywhere when she pulls herself to a sitting position again.

“And if I get hungry?” she whines looking up at Keith through her lashes. For the first time ever, Takashi notices that she has beautiful eyes. Huh, what a day.

“You ate enough sandwiches to last a month. Take water with you and there’s a guest bathroom, thankfully,” Keith replies sternly.

“Ugh, okay, okay,” she grumbles and… gets up.

Keith turns to Takashi.

He’s all confidence and power, and Shiro can’t help but shiver.

“And you, you finish your food, finally, and get to the bedroom, quickly.”

“Yes, Keith,” Takashi stutters and hurries to obey. 

He doesn’t question anything anymore.

“She will never want to live with us permanently to be able to eat all that food I’ve promised, don’t worry.”

It’s the first thing to leave Keith’s mouth when they’re finally alone in the bedroom.

Not that Takashi gave it a fleeting thought but it’s still a little comforting.

They’re standing in front of the bed, Keith with his back to Takashi.

When he starts talking, it’s unexpected. His voice is rough, raw with feeling.

“I am not sure I can ever say it again, Takashi, so please, listen closely. I never want to feel like I felt today again. It was the worst thing ever,” Keith pauses to take a few calming breaths since his vocal cords betray him, and Takashi swallows reflexively. “I forgave you for how you acted at the start of everything. I didn’t think we would ever have to return to this issue again, but we both see how wrong I was. We will get back to it, won’t we? When everything settles. I love you, Takashi,” and here Keith turns around so that they are face to face, “And I don’t want us to break up. But I can’t go through a day like this one, never again. You better…”

Keith’s voice wavers. He takes a step towards Takashi but keeps his head bowed.

“You better hurt me, or swear at me, or call me names, but don’t leave me without saying a word, Shiro, Takashi, please, never again…”

Takashi is stunned. For a few painful heartbeats he can’t make his jaws work.

He barely reaches out towards Keith for Keith to fall into his arms, shaking all over.

Takashi holds him, his own hands unstable, and tries to whisper something comforting, something nice to Keith. But all that comes out is, “Oh, baby, baby, please…”

Finally, they calm down enough to get to the bed and undress. Takashi hoped for a shower but it clearly can wait.

Only when they lie under the covers, in the darkness, as close to each other as two people can be, only then does Takashi find his words.

“I love you, baby, and I know that I always will. I will never hurt you if I’m in my right mind. If I’m not, baby, please, please tell me to stop. I am a dumb old man,” that earns him a kick in the shin, “Hey, I am, it is the honest truth, I am dumb and I am old and I am a man, so it’s all true. I don’t know when I’m wrong, very often. Please, don’t keep quiet anymore. Call me out, Keith, I will listen. I, too, can’t imagine living through a hell like today. Okay?”

“Okay,” Keith whispers hoarsely. “I will try to.”

They hug each other even tighter and bury their noses in each other’s necks, inhaling. It’s the warmest, happiest place on earth. When they are like that, it’s easy to believe that everything will work out.

After a while, Keith adds, “I am still sorry for what I said, for how I phrased it. I was wrong. When I thought that you left and you’d never come back, I felt as if I’m just going to die. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was so horrified. I was thankful for your one text. I was glad to know you were okay. I just didn’t know what to do next, you know? It was all about you lately, our new life together, new jobs, this flat, everything. I just… I knew I was very much in love with you but today I realised it’s so much more.”

Keith sobs.

Hearing this from Keith just rips Takashi’s heart straight out. He doesn’t know what Keith needs him to say.

Takashi settles on, “Keith, you’re great. Even without me, you’re great. Just believe me, for now.”

Keith nods against Takashi’s shoulder. He’s shaking again.

“Now, now, baby, you’re okay. We’re going to go to sleep, and tomorrow will be a new day. We’re going to be fine, you and me,” Takashi soothes, running gentle hands over Keith’s arms and back.

Takashi needs to hear these words just as much as Keith does.

Again, Takashi sings Keith to sleep.

This night, too, he lies in bed and thinks. About Keith; how Keith is so vulnerable, too vulnerable. That it’s not okay that he is attached to Takashi to the point where the idea of losing Takashi makes Keith think about dying,

Takashi also thinks about himself, about how the smallest hint at his flaws makes him panic. About how he is so scared all the time, how he can’t share things with Keith until it’s almost too late. Maybe, just maybe, he could use some help in getting his head back on track.

With this, Takashi forces himself to relax and finally lets sleep take him.

Keith will need him tomorrow at his full strength, and Takashi won’t fail him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Now tell me, Pidge is a Queen, yeah? Ah, my girl! I tend to invite her to my stories to save the day.
> 
> Have a wonderful day, all of you!


	15. Interlude 3. Pidge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge remembers a lot about Shiro's life before Keith, and she knows for sure that she's never seen Shiro this happy before.   
> Helping Shiro not to ruin his love life is not a chore in such a situation though Pidge does her best to pretend otherwise.
> 
> Pidge's POV on events from Chapter 14.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my pretty ones!
> 
> Look at me, still posting more often than once in a month! So proud of myself!
> 
> Here you can see my headcanon of Pidge for this universe. I quite like how she turned out.
> 
> It's short but sweet.

Oh, it’s so damn annoying that Matt threatened her with silent treatment were she to harass Shiro and Keith more than absolutely necessary. Her beloved brother knows how to make her cooperate. Pidge would wilt without a person to talk to soon enough, and Matt is aware that he is the only one clever enough (and trustworthy enough) to satisfy her needs.

Honestly, Pidge could have done much worse while visiting Shiro and Keith’s new place, and Matt would still tolerate her. Yet, she didn’t dare to cause too much trouble this time. Shiro looked so _happy_. It was a new but very fitting look on him.

Pidge decided that she liked Shiro’s new, happy smiles. She liked them a lot.

To be true, Pidge barely knew Shiro before he became a lonely guy with no family and only one arm. She witnessed a lot of things in Shiro’s life, yes, but mostly sad ones. Pidge saw Shiro fight with his health, fight with his mind, fight with the expectations placed on him by everyone around. Pidge thinks this is why he ran away to another city: he was suffocating and his head was playing tricks on him. Her parents are great people but they’d never realise that Shiro was beginning to slowly go mad in his old surroundings. 

Once, Shiro said to Pidge when they were alone in the house (she remembers because she was finishing her greatest computer project of all times then, and Shiro was assisting), “If someone tries to treat me with kid gloves one more time, I think I’ll snap”. Shiro changed the topic quickly, and soon the project was ready for testing. Later, Pidge was distracted and didn’t ask Shiro any questions. 

A month later Shiro announced that he found a job and that he is moving.

Pidge can understand him better, now. She’d hate to be coddled, even a little. She can also see the situation from her parents’ point of view (she thinks). They love Shiro very much, and seeing him in pain changed their attitude towards him. They had to get used to the other, less stable, more depressive version of Shiro after the crash, but they were unable to let him simply be after he gained his equilibrium. 

Her parents were worried sick when Shiro left. Pidge didn’t know what to do to make them think about something else. Conveniently, she had to go through an episode of bullying in her class and cut her hair short, and they sent her to another school soon after. Meanwhile, Shiro sent them updates, all positive news, and bragging. Pidge knows for sure that her mom tried to pry, tried to get Shiro to talk about his real feelings on the matter. It’s what led to Shiro only talking to Matt later, for sure.

Pidge hates to dwell on how lonely Shiro must have been and bla-bla, so she doesn’t. She’s been busy with her own life all these years, and she won’t pretend she is completely proud of how she acted towards her relatives while she was pursuing her goals. But now she’s here, she knows what she wants from the world, and she sure as hell is gonna get it.

When their family visit is over, Pidge leaves Shiro and Keith’s flat together with her parents. She parts ways with them a bit later to take care of business in a small town not far from Shiro’s new home city. It is just instinct to check Shiro’s dot on the GPS when she finally heads home. The little bug she attached to their home security camera shows that only Keith is inside, and Shiro’s car is goddess knows where next to a gas station far out of the city. It means either Shiro is going through another crisis and running from his life, or the car has been stolen. Pidge has to check, obviously.

That she drags Shiro home by the scruff of his neck, figuratively speaking, is the only correct response she could give, in her opinion.

Gosh, Keith is a mess when they return! He slobbers all over Shiro as soon as the possibility presents itself, and begs. Like, really begs! Pidge has never shouted about needing to pee louder in her life. It’s still less embarrassing than what Keith does so he should be thankful to her for bringing the drama inside ASAP.

When in the flat, Pidge dutifully runs for the bathroom. It's not that she doesn’t need that but she’s certainly exaggerated the urgency.

If she hoped that by the time she’ll be out of the bathroom things will be settled, she was mistaken. Pidge has to nudge the big oafs in the right direction one too many times in the course of the day. It all pays off when she jokes that Keith has to basically pledge his loyalty to her (ha!) and also promise to be her cook for the rest of eternity, and the ridiculous impossible man agrees! To keep a straight face while Keith kneels in front of her and calls her the most intelligent woman in the Galaxy is NOT EASY.

Pidge is also a little stunned and feels a tiny-teeny bit shy so she has to hide it behind her usual theatrics. Keith, fuck him sideways, doesn’t buy into her bratty bullshit for a second. He would bring her to her guest room thrown over his shoulder if needed, Pidge thinks. But she made a deal, and she can hold her word so she stands up and goes in the end. 

Also, she doesn’t care to listen to their love-sick mumblings (or worse! She still can’t wipe out from her mind Matt’s moans from that one time she saw him with a girl in the bushes during a picnic; she doesn’t need more damaging info).

Pidge sleeps fitfully. The bed is wrong, the lighting is wrong, her earplugs need to be replaced. Still, she doesn't wake up until 10 am.

When she wanders out of the room, feeling as if all her wires have tangled up and she will never get her head to work again, there is no one to see her in her misery. It’s a blessing and a curse; she hoped to make breakfast a living hell for Keith.

Pidge drinks several glasses of water and washes her face in the kitchen sink, then dries it with a paper towel.

Her glasses hang from her neck this time. Neat.

Pidge turns around, facing the table, and stops in her tracks.

The table is set as if for half a dozen people. There are sandwiches, and eggs of all sorts, and pancakes, and marmalade, and different kinds of spread.

Pidge decides that maybe Keith can be promoted from Hot Pants to Hot Cookie.

Or maybe not. Pidge shouldn’t boost his ego like that.

With that, Pidge sits down and has the most filling breakfast she had in years.

After she manages to store the leftovers in the fridge, she “rolls” to the living room, not unlike a basketball, and takes a nap. If she snores and burps a little, there’s no one to tell on her.

This is how Shiro finds her when he returns home after work.

She wakes up hearing his steps, sits up, and tries to explain that she didn’t sleep all day.

But Shiro only sits down next to her, hugs her tightly, and whispers that he’s so, so thankful to her, over and over again.

Pidge hugs back.

She is so, so glad that her Shiro has found his happiness.

She won’t say it aloud but she hopes Shiro knows.

From the way his arms tighten around her minutely, he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pidge was such fun to write! She hates all these sloppy endearments with passion!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	16. The Way to Self Is Never Free From Curves. Part 1of 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith's new life is just starting to make sense to him when everything starts to slowly fall apart. Keith's issues catch up with him, spoiling everything he and Takashi achieved together, and Keith is spiraling down.  
> His current situation is very different from before, though. Now, he is not alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dear readers
> 
> This story is slowly moving to its finish. There are three chapters left, including this one.
> 
> I've spent some time working on this chapter. When I finished writing it, the initial variant seemed too long. This is why I decided to divide it into two parts - meaning that this chapter is from Keith's POV, and the one will also be from Keith's POV. The last chapter will be Takashi's POV. I sincerely hope I will manage to tie all loose ends and so on by then.
> 
> Warning: Keith experiences burn-out from working too much and also has anxiety.
> 
> Have a good time reading!

After a few months at the new place, Keith and Takashi work out a certain routine.

Unexpectedly for everyone, Keith becomes the person who is always late to family dinners. Keith feels guilty every time it happens but his new workplace is so full of wonders that he doesn’t notice how time flies. Despite this, Takashi is still surprisingly supportive of Keith and his exploits. He says Keith reminds him of Takashi himself at the start of his career: just as curious, energetic, and driven as Takashi was maybe 7 or 8 years ago.

Keith suspects it's not the only reason for how easily Takashi embraces Keith’s frequent absences. Their lives changed drastically after they confessed their love. For example, Takashi doesn’t worry or act out because of jealousy anymore. He finally trusts Keith as his partner and his lover and his closest person.

Keith thinks a lot about how their affirmed commitment to each other influenced their day to day existence. Being together without having to be constantly aware of how fleeting their affair might be, without the nagging doubt sitting at the back of the mind, is a completely different experience.

Keith and Takashi have proven to one another that this is what they want - a life together, and they’re constantly working on not disrupting the newly established balance. 

Keith is so proud of them both, honestly!

Keith would be happy to say all of their troubles are in the past but he can’t; not when he had another breakdown over Takashi leaving him just recently. It happened when Takashi was returning from a business trip - and arrived home four hours later than planned. Before the trip, they’d agreed that Keith wouldn't be meeting Takashi at the airport - Takashi prefers to think about Keith waiting for him at home, safe and sound, not to look for him in the crowd in the arrival lounge. So Keith stayed home and waited, like a good boy, sitting in front of the TV in the living room and ready to bolt to the entrance door any second.

Keith was only thinking about good stuff while he was waiting, like how Takashi would hug him or if Takashi would bring Keith a silly magnet as he promised. He was also very calm - until it was time for Takashi to call Keith and inform him that he landed safely but Keith’s phone never rang. Another fifteen minutes of tense silence, and Keith tried to call Takashi himself - only to hear that Takashi’s phone was, tragically, “Out of coverage”. 

Keith panicked then.

In his panic, he thought about checking the news (no new plane crashes, phew) but not about calling the airport or at least looking at the internet site of the airline.

Instead, Keith’s brain did some simple math and decided that if the plane was fine but Takashi wasn’t calling or entering the flat, then it was a sure sign that Keith’s been dumped. It was such a devastating conclusion that Keith could only drag his feet to their bedroom and lay down on their bed, his face drowning in the comforter. That’s where he stayed, crying silently until Takashi waltzed into the flat, happy to be home and certainly not expecting to find Keith in the middle of a crisis.

After Keith learned that Takashi’s phone died right on his way to the airport (Takashi dropped it in a puddle), he ripped his boyfriend a new one. 

They both agreed that Takashi didn’t have any good reason not to inform Keith about his flight being delayed. In hindsight, Takashi himself didn’t understand how and why he could have forgotten such an obvious thing as to find a way to call Keith and warn him. 

Takashi apologized many, many times and spent the evening coddling Keith. 

That’s all Takashi ever does when they have free time - coddles Keith as if he were a child, Keith thinks with unexpected bitterness. He knows it’s not true but he can’t get rid of the feeling that Takashi only tolerates him and is getting bored with Keith in secret.

It’s also not true that they stopped doing “adult” stuff - they have sex regularly and play every week or so. Takashi calls Keith cheesy “sexy” nicknames and can’t stop staring at Keith’s butt whenever he gets the chance. They also talk a lot, serious things, like Takashi’s next budget decisions or whether Takashi should give his subordinate a warning to stop being useless unless this person wants to leave the company very soon.

It’s just… Keith is so angry at himself that he can’t stop demanding certain things from Takashi. Honestly, Keith reminds himself of a hissy street cat that was given a chance to live in a warm home but can’t stop stealing food and looking for escape routes. At the same time, the allure of a friendly human in safe surroundings is not lost on the cat - and it cautiously allows some closeness.

And so does Keith.

Keith desires hugs and pets. He craves Takashi’s touch like air. And yet, he can’t bring himself to be open about his needs; he can only yowl.

It’s so at odds with how he works himself to the bone but still keeps coming home late, or how he is constantly horny but does little to alleviate this state.

Keith is having the time of his life: he is not alone, he is loved, he has a stable job and a home. It is so much more than he ever dreamed to achieve in his life. Before meeting Takashi, Keith has been hoping that, maybe, if he is very lucky, he would work a regular job with a somewhat decent salary, and that this job would distantly resemble the job of his dreams. That was the highest level Keith hoped to achieve; his peak.

Takashi changed everything just by being in Keith’s proximity. Would Keith send his resume to his current company if not for Takashi and his possible move to another city? No, of course not. Would Keith start thinking about earning himself a different future at all? No, he wouldn’t.

It feels like Takashi’s love, however misguided it has been at the start, filled some of the voids in Keith’s soul and allowed him to feel and interpret the world on a whole new level.

Keith knows he is lucky; he does. He is also very grateful to fate for bringing him where he is now. But, and it’s too jarring to ignore, Keith is also so confused all the time.

What he has now... It doesn’t feel like his life. It feels like something from a parallel galaxy or something.

Keith is not used to being so well-adjusted or to not having to constantly deal with some problems or others.

He is good at solving his own problems - he is still alive to prove it.

But what is he expected to solve when there is no obvious problem, just this feeling of having forgotten something crucial and constant doubts?

Having Takashi in his life is the only thing that allows Keith to keep it together lately.

Or, to be precise, to keep it together from one period of time spent with Takashi to the other.

Keith wishes he could be more like Takashi. He is the bravest and strongest person Keith has ever seen.

And his last brave deed?

It just blew Keith’s mind.

Takashi found a therapist.

As in every self-help post on social networks (“Do this, this and that, but best of all, go to therapy”), but for real.

It’s been a month since Takashi started having Skype sessions with his psychologist (Colleen recommended him, and he lives in Takashi’s home city), and Keith still can’t believe that Takashi did that. Therapists, in Keith’s head (and it’s not like Keith saw one since he was a child and an orphan in need of “support”), were always these overly-friendly people who talked to their patients so patronizingly that one would think the patients couldn’t tell their heads from their asses.

The weirdest thing of all, of course, is that Keith thinks Takashi’s therapy is working. It’s not like Takashi “became a different person”, but he is considerably calmer and definitely talks about himself more (and with more ease). Lance says it's supposed to be like that, but who would Keith be if he trusted Lance on such an important matter? Keith is still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Unsurprisingly, Takashi encourages Keith to follow his example, telling him it would make a difference for Keith in the long run. 

Keith, the bitchy asshole, can only hiss and arch his back in response.

Again and again, Keith asks himself: what’s wrong with me? What else do I need if all my wishes came true, and more?

What do I need to be just happy?

Keith’s life is as stable as it has ever been. There’s a pattern to everything: to how Keith and Takashi work, to how they spend time in and outside the bedroom. It needs to be said that they decided to put all explorations on the sex field on hold, for now. Both Keith and Takashi are not ready to risk their hard-won balance for sexual gratification.

New things get added from time to time, too (and Keith is talking about good things here). 

Since Takashi found out that he can accomplish his daily tasks by the end of his working day (so unlike his previous position!) and be home by seven in the evening, he also discovered how much free time it gives him. Takashi admitted he was baffled at first. What was he even supposed to do, not in the office, not in the gym and without Keith nearby?

Takashi tried to get acquainted with more films. It was a good way to spend his free time but it didn’t last. Once Takashi finished watching all the animes and cartoons Keith suggested, he didn’t feel like watching something else.

Takashi tried going to the gym more often. He tried yoga and some weird fitness training system starting with “z”. Zoom? No, it’s an app. Keith can’t remember how it is called. Well, whatever; Takashi didn’t enjoy it anyway. 

Then, Takashi decided he could maybe start crocheting. That one went well, actually: Takashi crocheted a whole tank top for Keith. The top is red and very pretty but consists only of holes and filigree loops. Keith wore it several times, in more private settings.

After that, Takashi said he was getting bored with crocheting, so he would try to learn how to cook. Keith was fully on board with that. He can cook but he doesn’t derive much pleasure from that. If Takashi decides this is his passion, mmm…

For now, Takashi is at the stage where he is trying out simpler stuff. He started with eggs. Of course, the culinary studies go in Takashi’s usual manner: they’re very thorough. See, one day Keith comes home to an assortment of cooked and grilled eggs that takes up almost the whole counter. There’s so much that both Takashi and Keith have to take a part of the dishes to work and feed them to their colleagues. And nevertheless, there are eggs on their table for several days because there were just so many.

Takashi says pancakes are next. Keith mentally prepares to spend more hours on the running trek soon.

When Keith gets a call from worried Takashi at 10 pm and has to tell his boyfriend that he is at work (because he’s a lightheaded moron who got immersed in his project, again), Keith has a feeling that this time it went too far.

He orders an Uber and spends the ride dreading his inevitable conversation with Takashi where Takashi will tell him how disappointed he is and how Keith doesn’t treasure him. Keith thinks he should maybe ask Takashi to spank him for being such an idiot. He did not even text to warn Takashi that he will be so late. 

Then Keith thinks, what if Takashi is so angry that he will refuse to punish him? This mental image fills Keith with cold horror, and he quickly dismisses the idea.

Keith spends the elevator ride trying to invent what he would tell Takashi when the latter would inevitably shout at him. Then, another dreadful thought crosses Keith’s mind.

Will Takashi send Keith packing?

Liquid ice runs down Keith’s spine. All of a sudden, Keith can’t breathe quickly enough to fill his lungs with air. It’s all he can concentrate on - if Takashi will be done with Keith this time.

Takashi wouldn’t do this, a small, adult-ish part of Keith’s consciousness tries to assure him. But it’s hard to listen to the whisper of wisdom - Keith is too deep down the rabbit hole of fear for that.

When Keith finally enters their flat, he is a mess. 

Takashi comes to greet him, as usual, and he is as warm and nice to Keith as ever.

While Keith takes his coat off, Takashi asks pointed questions about his work. When Takashi asks something so very specific about Keith’s project that Keith is not completely sure his boss would know how to talk about it, Keith breaks.

He takes a step to the side and then another step back, to get some distance from Takashi. He turns his back to Takashi not to see his troubled expression. Then, Keith fists the hem of his own T-shirt in an attempt to ground himself, takes a few ragged breaths, and whirls at Takashi.

“Why?” he demands from Takashi. “Why aren’t you angry?! I left you waiting, I didn’t call, I…”

Keith sniffles and averts his gaze from Takashi’s.

“I am such a bad boyfriend for you,” he finishes in a defeated tone.

“Oh, baby, none of that,” Takashi scolds him, steps closer to Keith and draws him into a hug. “You’re the best boyfriend I could ask for. Yes, I want to spend more time with you; you’re right. But you’re so lucky right now. When I was your age, I worked just as hard, if not harder. The thing is… Unlike you, I didn’t enjoy my job back then. And I am so happy that you get to do something you like.”

When Keith doesn’t react, Takashi adds, in a low, soft voice, “I thought it was making you happy. I don’t want to make you choose between me and your job, not ever, Keith.”

The last phrase hits the bullseye.

It sends all Keith’s nerves into overdrive and makes him want to run.

Keith has clearly chosen his work over his boyfriend, and he is such a vain, undeserving creature; he can’t, he can’t do this to Takashi. Takashi is worth having someone better at his side. Someone who’s not Keith.

Keith tries to break free from Takashi’s strong arms but it’s as effective as if he were a fly stuck in honey.

Keith flails uselessly until he is too overwhelmed to move and stills.

He sniffles again.

Then he sniffles some more.

Why is Takashi so soft and understanding? He’s so wrong about Keith.

Keith summons all his leftover strength (or, more like, reverts to his spirit of defiance) and asks, in the haughtiest, brattiest tone possible, “And how many times do you plan to forgive me for my late nights at work?”

A sob caught at the end of the sentence completely ruins the effect. Fuck! Why can’t Keith control himself like Takashi?

Takashi’s voice is sure and patient, not a note of aggression or annoyance in it.

“First of all, I don’t have to forgive you because you working late is not an offense to me. Second, I will wait for you as many times as it takes.”

No, Keith doesn’t cry then.

He doesn’t. 

Takashi offers to call Keith every evening when he comes home. This way Keith could mark time more effectively. Keith agrees.

He starts coming home an hour or two earlier every day. Weirdly, his performance at work improves.

It all goes well again until it doesn’t.

To be honest, Keith would be surprised if the period of contentment lasted long.

At some point, maybe a month after that time when Keith stayed at work until 10 pm, Keith notices for the first time that he feels a little tired. He doesn’t pay it any mind. He’s working hard, and a little fatigue is nothing.

With each day though, his level of tiredness only increases.

It’s as if there’s a sack of sand on his shoulders, and every day some villainous force adds more grains in it. Little by little, the sac seems to become too heavy a burden to wear around. 

Keith has to drop his habit of staying late first. He feels guilty. The company has given him a chance, and he can’t even show them how much he cares. 

It doesn’t get better with time. Spending a whole working day in the office becomes a chore. He can barely get things done. It makes Keith feel worthless. It's as if he doesn’t deserve the trust his boss and colleagues put in him.

Takashi notices the changes, too. He tries to make Keith talk about his perpetually grumpy mood but all in vain. 

He praises Keith even more than before (it intensifies Keith’s feeling of guilt tenfold because he hasn’t earned this praise) and coddles him (Keith is aware that he doesn’t deserve it, but he is too tired to fight it and despises himself for it). 

One day, Keith doesn’t have enough energy to drag himself home. He just sits at his workplace and stares out of the window at the opposite office building. After an hour-long internal battle, Keith decides that maybe he could use some help. This is why when Takashi calls to check in with him a few minutes later, Keith grudgingly agrees to allow Takashi to take him home. 

Keith is standing in front of the coat rack in the dressing room, trying to remember what he wore to work today, when one of his colleagues, Ryan Kinkade, asks if Keith is alright. Keith startles. He wasn’t aware Ryan came in. Actually, Ryan is a nice guy (if you can ignore his best friend, James Griffin), and he and Keith talk a little every day. Keith doesn’t want to accidentally offend Ryan because of his stale mood. In any case, lying through his teeth that he is fine seems too much effort so Keith just shrugs in response to Ryan’s question. 

Ryan doesn’t back off. He pretends that he is searching for his own jacket, muttering loudly, and suddenly asks if this is Keith’s coat - it looks so cool, Ryan thinks. Keith takes the proffered coat and thanks Ryan by inclining his head. Keith expects Ryan to get bored with him already and just leave - it’s not early at all! - but Ryan rides with him in the elevator to the ground floor and waits with Keith for Takashi to show up. 

Normally, Keith would be more unnerved by one of his colleagues demonstrating his concern about Keith’s well-being than he is now. He has other things on his mind. No, in truth, Keith is too tired to think.

Keith simply doesn’t want Ryan to be here now. He feels too bad about burdening Takashi already; he doesn’t need Ryan’s unprompted kindness added to his growing pile of reasons to feel ashamed of himself. Luckily, at the moment, Keith is too deep in his own shit to really care. He will have all the time in the world for that later. 

Ryan is perceptive enough not to try small talk - small mercies. They just sit next to each other on a bench and wait.

Some time later, Keith is roused from sleep by Takashi’s arms sliding around his torso and upper thighs. Before Keith can understand what’s happening, he is lifted in the air and proceeds to float somewhere, carried by his boyfriend. It’s comfy, Keith decides and closes his eyes again.

He wakes up in the car a few times, sees Takashi’s profile in the next seat, and drifts off.

Keith can barely remember walking to their flat. He did walk; about this, he is sure.

Keith remembers being stripped of his office clothes and put to bed. He’s out like a light as soon as his head hits the pillow.

The next morning is torture. Keith wakes up, not understanding where he is. He recognizes the smell of his and Takashi’s bed; that’s good.

His gaze falls on the clock on the nightstand. 11 am.

Shit!

He’s two hours late for work!

Keith tries to jump out of the bed and is stopped by Takashi.

“It’s okay, it’s fine, Keith. It’s a Saturday.”

Keith doesn’t understand the sense of Takashi’s words at first. When he does, he sags in relief.

“Also, Ryan offered to talk to your boss about letting you work from home next Monday and Tuesday. I agreed on your behalf.”

Keith looks at Takashi, not comprehending. What? Why?

His reverie is interrupted by his phone’s ringtone.

“It’s your boss, actually,” Takashi says after throwing a glance at the screen.

Keith takes the phone with a beating heart and unstable hands.

“Hello?”

“Keith? You alright there? Ryan said you looked like a ghost yesterday.”

“I, I am fine, thank you, Mrs. Shay,” Keith offers lamely.

“Ryan also said you could use some time away from office. I agree with him on this one; you were running yourself ragged. I should’ve intervened before. You know what? You’ve been ahead of your timing on your project. You can take it easy next week, okay? You will work at home for the whole week, not just for the first two days. And you will not do anything on Monday. No typing, no checking emails, no news scrolling, no research. You hear me, Keith?”

“What?” Keith asks, very intelligently.

There’s a deep sigh on the other end.

“I just told you to take it easy next week and not to strain yourself…”

“What? Why?” Keith repeats like a broken record.

Mrs. Shay takes a deep breath.

“Ryan said your boyfriend was there to take you home. Is he close? May I talk to him?”

No, Keith tells himself, no. It’s too humiliating.

“He is. But. I can finish the conversation,” Keith pleads.

“Of course you can, sweetheart,” Mrs. Shay’s voice is so sad and full of compassion that Keith wants to curl into a ball or hide. “So you will do what I say, then?”

“Yes, Mrs. Shay,” Keith nods unnecessarily.

“Okay, love. Listen to me. You will work from home next week. Your task for Monday is: no opening your laptop and not walking farther than your kitchen, capiche?”

“Yes, Mrs. Shay.”

Keith can hear the petty notes in his voice.

“Good. On Tuesday, you can work from 8 am to 4 pm, with a proper lunch break, and I will be checking your online presence. Same for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Are we clear?”

“Yes, Mrs. Shay.”

Then, Keith remembers.

“But the deadline. It’s in about a week. The other Tuesday…”

“And you will have more than enough time to finish.”

“But…”

“Ryan will mentor you starting next Tuesday. He won’t let you down.”

“But it means… That I am letting _you_ down. And Ryan has his own work to do,” Keith mumbles in despair.

Another sigh, even deeper than before.

“Keith, I know I am asking a lot from you this time, but believe me, I know what I’m doing. Also, let me worry about Ryan’s workload myself, please, honey? It’s my job, after all. And now, can I talk to your boyfriend, please? I just have a few idle questions. Not about work, since you’ve listened to your task for your next working week so well!”

“Yes,” Keith says. Why is his boss suddenly talking to him like she would to her small dog when the latter manages to perform a trick on command. What’s with his life.

But. It isn’t a bad thing that she wants to talk to Takashi, right? She won’t complain about Keith, will she? Somehow, before Keith can decide, Takashi is already there, taking the phone out of Keith’s hand.

Keith only hears, “Hello? Yes, I’m his boyfriend, Takashi Shirogane. Yes, I do work there, exactly! Sure, Mrs. Shay. Absolutely. Yes, will do. Thank you so much, we really appreciate it. Yeah, no work on Monday. I will make sure he remembers. Thank you again.”

It sounds like they’re plotting behind Keith’s back, and it reminds Keith of something but he is too worn down to be able to concentrate on this thought properly.

This is why Keith lets Takashi’s voice fade in the background and sleeps.

Every time Keith wakes, he can see Takashi hovering nearby. Takashi dots on him as if Keith were a five-year-old. It’s annoying but not easy to fight.

Keith lets it be. Sleeping interests him more than arguing, anyway.

So he sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think about Keith's thought process? Does it seem logical to you, as it seems to me?  
> Keith in this verse spent a big part of his life being lonely and fending for himself. Lance was his first real connection - even if they were too busy being petty teenage boys to take care of each other properly. And now Keith suddenly has everything he didn't dare to dream about - and such a transition can't be painless.
> 
> Please, tell me your thoughts on the matter! Discussing my works is a great joy for me, and if you like what you read, consider leaving a comment! They're invaluable to me!


	17. To Be Deserving. Part 2 of 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith is not a person who can let himself rest easily.  
> It takes a great effort on Takashi's part to make Keith follow his boss's orders and not succumb to depression, at that.
> 
> Or Keith throwing a pity-party!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!
> 
> This chapter spent a week in the state of "almost finished". It was one hell of a week for me, I dare say. I sincerely hope it's been better for you.
> 
> This is the direct continuation of the previous chapter, also in Keith's POV. Keith has a long way to go before he learns how not to overwork himself to death trying to be good enough for everyone.

Keith sleeps until noon on Sunday and feels almost like himself, again.

Despite that, Takashi keeps repeating that Keith should take it easy. Keith rolls his eyes but doesn’t fight Takashi on it.

If Takashi wants to spend his free time fussing, let him do it. It’s not like Keith asked for this.

Does Takashi think Keith is unaware that it’s his day off? But Keith knows that he can do nothing for a day and get back to working his ass off tomorrow. Easy. Takashi doesn’t have to remind him.

Also, there’s another thing. Takashi is very tender with him. Suspiciously so, if Keith is being honest. But being taken care of by Takashi is too nice to keep his guard up for long, so Keith just goes with the flow. Maybe, Takashi just feels like spoiling Keith, who knows?

For breakfast, Takashi cooks Keith some fancy baked eggs with spinach and tomato. Takashi says it’s his new egg masterpiece. He says that it’s good for Keith’s health. He also says he’s spent two hours at the stove making sure that he got the recipe perfectly.

Keith says, “Thank you” and sits down to eat.

He spends his meal conjuring a heartfelt speech about the shortcomings of spinach. Keith hates spinach. He still eats it all, concentrating on the not-disgusting parts of the dish. For Keith, Takashi’s proud smile is worth eating a ton of spinach, cooked or not.

Takashi then lures Keith onto the couch in front of the TV and puts on a documentary about wolves. Keith falls asleep in the middle of it, his stomach full and his spot next to Takashi warm and comfy. 

When Keith wakes up maybe an hour or two later, groggy from his slumber, and sees that Takashi paused the documentary where Keith left off, he yawns and hugs Takashi gratefully.

“Did you stay here all this time?” Keith inquires, nuzzling at Takashi’s neck.

“No, baby, I got up two times at least: to go to the toilet and to bring you water,” Takashi says, and it’s funny how he is so literal in his reply.

Keith loves him to pieces.

Takashi also offers Keith a tall glass of water which Keith drinks greedily.

When Keith shifts his legs preparing to stand up, he notices that there’s a throw-blanket covering the lower part of his body. It was thoughtful of Takashi, again.

Takashi takes everything into account. All the little details, too.

He treats Keith as if he were some princeling while Keith just accepts it all.

All of a sudden, Keith doesn’t feel OK about the level of attention Takashi is paying to him today.

To go to such length to assure that Keith is comfy? When he could’ve just woken Keith up and sent him to the bedroom, for example? Or... He could’ve just left Keith be. Their flat is well-insulated, Keith wouldn’t freeze.

Right?

Takashi is just too good to be true, Keith thinks. It’s a well-known idea; Keith revisits it every day, several times a day.

This idea comes with a throw-in - another idea that logically arises from the first one. Keith has examined this second idea very closely as well. It says, “Takashi is too good to belong to Keith”.

Keith tells himself that it doesn't matter whether it’s true or not, really. Takashi said he wants Keith to stay with him. That’s what's really important.

In the real world, Takashi asks Keith if he wants to help with preparing lunch, and Keith snatches at the opportunity to distract himself immediately and enthusiastically. He is still the top-cook in their couple, isn’t he?

Lunch is great. The fact that it’s been cooked together makes it even greater.

“We need to do it more often,” Keith says, and Takashi nods with a smile. He is pleased, too.

They clean up together and migrate to the living room, again.

Keith tells Takashi that he will go to the bedroom and read (Lance has been trying to get him to read some new sci-fi novel for weeks now). Takashi says, “Yeah,” distractedly. He is already reading a book of his own. Keith chuckles. They’re a couple of nerds, aren’t they?

He walks over to his bed and throws himself onto it, then takes his reader from the nightstand and turns it on. Lance’s book is right at the top of his to-read list.

Keith begins reading.

Some time passes, and Keith notices that he’s been trying to make sense of the second page of chapter one for a while now. Keith frowns. He is in his room; it’s almost silent in the flat; no one disturbs him. He wants to know what this story is about. Why can’t he just read?

What’s wrong?

Why does he feel so restless? Why can’t his mind settle on the task at hand?

Keith puts the reader aside and flops onto his back. He sighs.

Actually, something’s been nagging at Keith all day. It’s as if there’s something important at the back of his mind; close to the surface but just out of his grasp.

Keith has a very vague conception of what it might be.

Did Takashi, like, talk to someone? On Keith’s behalf?

Keith can’t recall.

Keith spends the rest of the day straining his memory. The reader lies forgotten between the pillows of their bed while Keith paces the room. There must be something he forgot!

It hits Keith right after dinner. Ryan! The phone conversation with  Mrs. Shay !

Keith jumps up from his chair, says he’ll take a nap, and quickly goes to the bedroom. If Takashi is baffled by his hasty retreat, he doesn’t call after Keith. 

In the bedroom, Keith turns the light off and pretends to be asleep. What he really does is chew himself out for being an absolute disaster.

One hour alone, and Keith brings himself to the brink of insanity with the self-flagellation. The only thing on Keith’s mind when he emerges to the living room is how much he fucked up, and how much he needs Takashi’s help to make things better.

Takashi is sitting on the couch. It’s the same couch they had at their previous flat - Takashi insisted they take it with them. 

Upon seeing it, Keith has a flashback from some months ago. In front of his mind’s eye, the Keith-from-the -past is leaning over the couch’s arm to take his  _ big punishment _ for brattiness. Spanking implements are ready for use, and Takashi looms over him, steady and earnest.

Keith can recall how much he detested the discipline process itself but he doesn’t remember much more. The specifics don't seem significant now. What matters is how back then Keith accepted his penalty and was forgiven (even if his cock had to stay locked for a month afterward).

This is it, Keith thinks. Keith just has to endure a punishment. This is the key to feeling lighter. Keith needs to receive absolution from Takashi, and being punished is the simplest way of achieving it.

Things suddenly seem much easier.

Keith can take the pain if he gets to feel better later.

His goal clear, Keith comes to Takashi and asks for it.

“Please, Takashi, you have to spank me,” Keith says. He can barely wait for Takashi to answer. He just itches with resentful energy.

He’s been so bad. He needs it. He aches for it.

Takashi smiles at him playfully at first. Seeing that Keith is dead-serious, though, Takashi schools his facial expression to something more neutral and inquires, very softly, “What did you do?”

“I, I let everyone down,” Keith replies, his voice hitching. 

Takashi murmurs something unintelligible, and Keith hangs his head, resigned. He deserves to be punished. He just hopes Takashi won’t be too careful with him.

Next comes a shocking revelation: Takashi doesn’t see the situation the same way as Keith does, and he tells Keith as much.

Takashi takes Keith’s hand and tugs him closer. His touch is gentle and soothing. It makes Keith want to forget everything and just climb onto Takashi’s lap; let Takashi hold him and ease his worries however he sees fit. But Keith knows it’s not how it should go so he quenches the impulse.

“Mrs. Shay said, your deadline is in a week. You didn’t let anyone down, Keith,” Takashi tells him.

This is true, technically. But they all know how high the bar is for Keith. Especially for Keith.

Keith always has to make a double effort to simply stay afloat.

Why doesn’t Takashi understand it?

“Please, Takashi,” Keith tries anew, looking up through his messy bangs.

Takashi just shakes his head “no”.

It makes irritation well up in Keith.

**_Why won’t Takashi just give Keith what he needs right now?_ **

“I made you drive to my office and wait for me,” Keith explains further, his tone clipped.

“I didn’t mind,” Takashi objects.

Keith sputters.

Why does Takashi always have a counter-argument? He is a lot smarter than Keith, sure, but why does he have to demonstrate it now, when Keith is so distraught? Under Takashi’s gentle gaze, Keith can’t find other valid reasons for him to get his ass whooped. Which is all kinds of wrong: Keith knows for sure, there must be some.

He is just so tired and overwhelmed. His thoughts are all over the place.

Takashi should listen to him. He should take Keith seriously, not fight him.

What, what will make Takashi change his mind? Keith goes over the last few days, straining his memory.

Ah, yes! There is a little something Keith can use.

“I didn’t thank Ryan for his help!” Keith yells, desperate to be heard.

Takashi reels back slightly, rubbing his ears.

Keith must’ve been very loud. And his tone is far from respectful.

Oh no. Keith is being rude to Takashi and making everything even worse.

He’s so, _ so _ bad.

Keith looks down again and stares at his socked feet, not meeting Takashi’s eyes.

Takashi hmms in thought, then tuts disapprovingly. Keith almost flinches.

“Now, that wasn't very polite of you, young man. Something else?” Takashi says.

He doesn’t comment on Keith’s tone but he doesn’t really need to. Keith knows he was out of line. He is ashamed of himself.

To be honest, Keith feels ready to bolt. He is used to being judged unfairly but he absolutely can’t bear the thought of not living up to  _ Takashi’s _ expectations.

But Takashi asked if there was something else to report, and Keith contemplates obediently where else he might’ve screwed up.

“I didn’t eat the salad you gave me,” Keith confesses after a minute or so. He flushes bodily at the admission. “Arugula tastes bitter.”

Keith hears more tutting. This time, Takashi sounds sincerely sad when he laments that Keith ignores his greens.

“And where did you leave the leftover salad, baby?” Takashi asks with a note of curiosity in his voice. “I didn’t see the container in the kitchen. Not in your table drawer, I hope?”

“I left it in the fridge at work, with a note saying, “Eat me”,” Keith mumbles.

This earns Keith a full belly-laugh from Takashi. Keith thinks his ears will catch fire if it goes on like that.

Thankfully, Takashi sobers up soon. He makes Keith look up at him by lifting Keith’s chin with his index finger.

“So, you didn’t eat your veggies and you didn’t thank your friend, huh?”

Keith nods.

“It doesn’t make you bad, baby,” Takashi says so softly it’s almost a whisper.

What?

Not this, too!

Did Keith say the part about being bad out loud? Or did Takashi just read his mind?

Shit. Either way, shit!

“Keith, please, listen to me. I have your best interests at heart. It sounds cheesy, but it’s true. I do. Being ignorant at work? Not taking the best care of yourself? These are not good things, yes. But you know what? I do things like that from time to time. More often than I would like to, honestly! And, I am sure, Ryan acts irresponsibly sometimes, too.”

Takashi pauses to take a breath and continues, less passionate but not less determined.

“Even when you make mistakes, I still love you. You’re still my good, precious boy. Don’t forget that.”

Keith swallows and averts his gaze for a few ticks. Maybe, there’s some truth in what Takashi says.

But before Keith allows Takashi’s well-meaning words to calm his anxiety, his memory helpfully supplies him with a list of other incriminating things. Keith thinks about his aloof behaviour of late, about his late nights at work, and about his lack of sexual interest in bed.

He’s been the worst boyfriend lately, the absolute worst, Keith realises.

Guilt burns its way through Keith. 

Guilt fills him up. It makes the pit of his stomach heavy as if he’d swallowed a stone. 

Strangely, but it also emboldens Keith to the point of telling Takashi awkward truths. 

Keith catches Takashi’s gaze and blurts out, “But I know you’re disappointed in me”.

Takashi rolls his eyes, exasperated.

"No, I am not," he insists.

Keith turns away, pursing his lips. Takashi should stop trying to make Keith feel better.

“I am not completely pleased with how things went lately, but I am not disappointed in  **_you_ ** ,” Takashi presses.

Keith grinds his teeth.

They're going in circles.

Takashi doesn’t understand!

Keith was bad. Keith  _ needs _ his punishment. What’s so tricky about it?

That’s so not what Keith envisioned when asking to be punished.

Keith bites his lip to keep from sniffling. Not that it helps.

Everything is wrong. 

He can’t even ask for a spanking properly not to be let down gently. He thought Takashi enjoyed tanning his ass, at least.

Before Keith can fall further down the rabbit hole, Takashi puts his hand gently on Keith’s wrist and thus interrupts the spiraling. Takashi waits a little bit to make sure that Keith will allow the touch and then tugs Keith close to himself. Keith goes without a struggle. Takashi hugs him, nice and tight, and Keith hugs back.

Tears fall down Keith’s cheeks silently, and he is powerless to stop this pathetic display. He only sniffles more.

Takashi’s broad palm on Keith’s back is steady and grounding. He doesn’t seem to care about his shirt getting Keith tears and snot on it.

After a while, Keith pushes at Takashi’s chest a little. He leans back in Takashi’s arms and searches for Takashi’s eyes. Their stormy grey is as magnificent as ever. And… despite the intensity of Takashi’s gaze, it calms Keith. Takashi’s attention concentrated on him always does.

Also… Takashi is here, he doesn’t go anywhere. Keith made a complete fool out of himself, and still, Takashi chose to stay. Keith thinks it’s a misjudgment on Takashi’s part and not evidence of Keith’s worthiness. But, at the same time, Keith is sure that Takashi knows what he wants. It is his decision not to push Keith away. So, the easiest way for Keith is to stop fighting Takashi on this.

Keith rubs his wet, aching eyes with a sleeve of his T-shirt. 

Actually, he notices, he feels lighter after letting it all out. Suddenly, his troubles seem manageable.

Yet, there’s still one unresolved issue.

And it can’t wait anymore.

Keith takes two fistfuls of Takashi’s shirt and pulls slightly, startling a laugh out of him.

“You gonna spank me or not?” Keith demands with a pout, ready for another rejection.

Turns out, Keith is unable to guess what Takashi’s reaction to his question will be tonight.

“Oh, sure, baby,” Takashi drawls with a grin.

This easy compliance is so anticlimactic that Keith stares in response.

“But not now,” Takashi adds, obviously enjoying Keith’s bafflement. “We both need to have some rest. I will punish you tomorrow morning before work.”

Keith wants to sulk more but grudgingly accepts that he won’t get his way with this.

He is not setting the rules when it comes to matters of discipline - Takashi does.

This is why, when Takashi points out that Keith needs to shower and get ready for bed, Keith does the unimaginable - he nods and heads to the bathroom.

If he gets additional pats on the head for being good for Takashi later, well, it’s not like this had any part in Keith’s decision making.

The next morning starts with Takashi blowing Keith (what a great way to begin the day!), and then presenting him with the familiar metal cage (duh!). 

Keith whines. 

They didn’t talk about it yesterday! Keith didn’t ask for it! 

He hates the cage!

Takashi smiles apologetically.

“Please, baby, for me. I think it will help you stay nice and settled today while I’m not here. I will leave one key in the flat, just in case. I will immediately tell you where it is if you call me or text me.”

The way Takashi’s not outright ordering Keith to put the cage on and asks him instead stops Keith from voicing his protests.

Things are very different now. Takashi knows more about Keith’s boundaries and respects them. Since Keith will have a way out this time, it won’t be too bad. He could safeword and be done with the cage whenever. 

Also, Keith wants to please Takashi very much, and Takashi will definitely like it if Keith complies.

It’s a lot to think about early in the morning.

The urge to do as Takashi wants is strong.

There’s one little problem, though.

Keith really,  _ really _ hates the cage.

But Takashi said “please”, and he is so serious about it, and fuck it, Keith wants to agree.

“For how long,” he mumbles, already resigned to his fate, mostly.

“For as long as I deem fit, baby. It will depend on how you will feel and how you will behave, of course. I think I will be able to tell you more the day after tomorrow.”

There it goes. Takashi’s dictatorship.

It’s two days in the cage, at the very least. And what if Takashi decides he needs more? 

Keith thinks he might cry. He is already thinking of ways to fuck up in a big, flashy way - which would earn him a good number of days in chastity so that he could stop worrying about possibly fucking up.

Keith bites his lip and starts trying to invent something that could make Takashi drop this idea and simply blister Keith’s ass, hard and quick. 

But if Keith prompts Takashi to do something else instead of caging Keith’s dick, he can’t be sure that won’t be an even worse trap. He also doesn’t know what to do if Takashi would want to do something mean to Keith. Keith isn’t sure he could endure mean right now.

This train of thought makes Keith remember his “big spanking” again. How he was plugged with stingy ginger, spanked and properly chastised. The helplessness he felt while lying over the couch’s arm with his wet, stuffed asshole on full display. Even now, with the thing firmly in the past, the humiliation Keith feels, when he thinks about it, is great. 

This time, tears do come close to the surface. Keith has to quickly wipe at his eyes not to be too obvious.

“Oh, none of that, dear,” Takashi utters softly and, at the same time, somehow sternly. “It won’t be like last time, I promise. I will let you out to play every evening. I will let you come during that time, too.”

Keith looks up at Takashi, to check if maybe he is just messing with him. But Takashi’s eyes are big and sincere, quietly hopeful, and yes, Keith will trust him on this.

Just to be sure, Keith runs a quick check: does he feel bad or uncomfortable when he imagines the cage on? No, Keith decides, he doesn’t. Keith doesn’t like the idea of it but he is willing to put himself in Takashi’s hands since he says he knows what he’s doing. Obviously, being caged is not a sensation Keith is too fond of, but Keith can deal with it. He just wants to be bitchy because life sucks right now. 

Keith  _ wants _ to try doing it Takashi’s way.

To quench his nerves, Keith reminds himself that he will be able to safeword any time he feels like it. That Takashi won’t leave him because of damn safewording. That the times when they just didn’t talk about important stuff, were complete egoists, and did what each of them wanted without considering the needs of the other, are over. 

When Takashi leans in and kisses Keith, syrupy-slow but also hungry, Keith melts and forgets all his inhibitions. Keith still hates the cage but he will accept it since Takashi says that’s what he needs.

Keith won’t ever admit it out loud, but Takashi forcing him to endure a thing that Keith despises and acting so tender and apologetic about it is Keith’s favourite combination. It gets Keith all hot and bothered every fucking time. It’s like an injection of something wild and delicious right into his veins. Too bad Keith’s time in chastity starts now.

Keith feels a little giddy when he watches Takashi pick the chastity device from the bathroom, return to the couch, and beckon Keith to him. It will fuel Keith’s fantasies for years.

Then, it’s happening.

Keith can’t believe he agreed to this.

The procedure is so simple, routine; no more big words or drama. Takashi is sitting on the couch while Keith is standing between his legs and holding onto Takashi’s shoulders for support. Unlike some other times when the dreadful thing went on, Keith stays completely soft - he just came, and also, Takashi’s hands are cold as ice. Did Takashi put them under cold water or something? He could.

Takashi is very careful with putting the cage on. It’s just like Keith remembered it: cool at the first touch, stiff and unforgiving. It makes Keith feel small, and owned, and instantly aroused. And, as expected, he wants the cage off even before the lock clicks shut.

“So pretty,” Takashi murmurs, staring at Keith’s dick like it’s the most exciting thing in the world. He’s so intense in his possessive lust that Keith really, really wants to drop to his knees and offer his mouth for Takashi to fuck.

With a visible effort, Takashi snaps out of it and looks up at Keith sharply.

“That’s a good boy,” Takashi growls and kisses Keith again, much less sweetly than the previous time.

After that, Takashi makes Keith brush his teeth and drink some water, then sends him to a corner of the bedroom to “calm his thoughts” while Takashi gets ready for work.

These are long-ass ten minutes of Keith’s life. 

Finally, Takashi is calling him to the living room. 

There, sitting on the couch in his full working suit, Takashi waits for Keith to approach.

He’s like a wet dream. Keith will ruin Takashi’s nice dark-blue dress pants if he comes in contact with them - he can feel himself leaking already. He is relieved to see a towel lying next to Takashi.

Takashi is always prepared, Keith thinks, bending down to lie over Takashi’s now towel-clad thighs.

Getting situated over Takashi’s lap is as mortifying as ever. Takashi is not subtle about his directions to Keith. He always wants Keith to be in the perfect position to show off his round butt and flaunt his nakedness at the same time.

Keith tries to picture how he must look like to an outsider and blushes.

Keith hopes no one will ever see him like this; that no one will learn that Keith needs to be taken over his boyfriend’s knee from time to time because it’s the easiest way to take him out of his head.

But then, Keith sort of imagines bragging to Lance about how Takashi spanked him so hard he couldn’t sit for a week or showing off his achy bruises, and wonders: would it feel different if someone knew? Would it feel good to talk to someone about this part of his life? 

Or, what if someone were to sit in an armchair and watch Keith receive his discipline? Would that be a turn-on? Or would that spoil everything?

But it’s not a good moment to consider complicated concepts.

Takashi’s giant hand cups Keith’s ass, interrupting his musings. The hand squeezes and pinches, making Keith want to kick and crawl away even before the blows started to fall. Then, without any other preamble, Takashi lands a deafening smack right on Keith’s left asscheek, and all thoughts flee Keith’s head.

“One,” Keith says automatically.

“That’s my good boy,” Takashi praises. “But you don’t have to count, baby. Just be still and take it.”

With this, Takashi goes back to slapping Keith’s butt like he means it.

It’s truly a punishment for Keith.

Keith hasn’t been spanked for literal months. He got unused to corporal discipline, he supposes. 

And Takashi spanks Keith for so long! For too long, to Keith’s tastes. It’s as if he doesn’t have to be anywhere else today. He has work and commitments, doesn’t he? Keith whines loudly from the pain and gets shushed for his trouble.

Takashi stops to talk to Keith all the time, and then he also spends minutes groping Keith’s butt. One time he rolls Keith’s balls in his palm, and it feels like a threat, as if Takashi is considering whether he should hurt Keith’s balls right now or not. 

Keith (maybe) wishes Takashi would.

“That’s good, baby, yeah, being so good for me, Keith,” Takashi keeps saying. He is delivering volley after volley of quick, heavy, painful slaps to Keith’s flaming rear. 

“Take it, baby, I know you can,” Takashi urges. “Lie still, Keith. You know you can’t hide. You know you need it. Bear with it.”

When the pain crescendos and Takashi still doesn’t stop, Keith starts kicking and sobbing and wailing. He fucking cries, not trying to stay in control of himself any longer. 

Because he can allow himself to cry when all he knows is that his poor butt is on fire and that he can’t stop it, can only take it because he’s just a little, sorry boy who needed his spanking and now is getting it, hard.

“That’s my baby,” Keith hears next. “You took your discipline so well. Look at you now: so tired from getting his ass tanned that you can only lie here and whimper. So pretty for me. That’s okay, Keith, that’s okay. Don’t move. I’ll take you to the bedroom, now.”

Takashi easily manhandles Keith so that he is in Takashi’s lap (and ouch! Keith’s ass is way too tender for this!). For a few seconds, they are face to face, staring at each other intently. Keith is still a little dazed after the spanking. He is taken by surprise when Takashi stands up and hefts him up by the hips in one smooth motion. Keith winds his arms around Takashi’s neck and holds on. It’s not actually scary; Keith knows he is safe up here. Keith doesn’t even mind that his ass smarts when Takashi holds him this way - it’s OK, it’s good. Takashi’s got him.

Takashi brings Keith to their big mirror to show Keith his red ass cheeks. Takashi is cooing and praising Keith for his good behaviour during the spanking so enthusiastically that Keith gets shy. He hides his face in Takashi’s neck, secretly pleased that Takashi felt like praising him.

Then, Takashi brings Keith to bed, helps him to lie down on his stomach comfortably, and covers his ass in a cooling creme. It’s the best part of any spanking, of course. Keith sighs contentedly when Takashi’s deft hands get to work and finally allows himself to relax. By the time Takashi is done, Keith feels all nice and sleepy.

Takashi praises Keith for this, too.

He kisses Keith on the cheek and whispers, “Sleep well, Keith. I will call you when it’s time to wake up. If you wake up earlier, call me or text me, please. My good boy.”

Keith mumbles his assent and burrows his face into the pillow. His dreams are ready to invade his mind, so close to the surface that Keith swears he can almost see and touch them. 

Keith doesn’t notice when Takashi exits the bedroom or leaves for work.

Keith wakes up horny.

He is lying in bed. He is warm and still sort of loopy from sleep. It’s cozy. Keith soon starts squirming under his covers because he can’t help it. He feels sensitive and tender all over. His belly, his crotch, his inner thighs - everything is just begging to be touched.

Keith slides his hand down his side, enjoying his own lazy, barely there caress. It’s nice, soothing. Keith plays with his nipples a little, imagining how Takashi would tease him there - and the very thought has him whining. Something is not completely right, though.

Keith can’t tell what it is yet - he is still too enamored with his last dream ( it was of the sexy kind) to be fully present in the real world. The things outside of his cocoon are still a bit of a blur. Keith continues playing with himself, allowing the reality to trickle in bits and pieces. But when his hand travels to his cock, and there’s metal under his palm, Keith all but bolts upright in shock.

Keith throws the comforter off and looks. His touch didn’t lie. There’s a metal cage instead of an eager cock, and Keith can’t do anything about the fact. 

Unless he safewords. But the situation doesn’t call for it which means - yeah, Keith is stuck in chastity until Takashi comes home from work, at the very least.

Keith curses loudly.

Takashi and his games!

Keith remembers another detail from the morning and twists around to feel his butt. It’s tender to the touch but just barely. Although it didn’t feel like that when it was happening, Takashi has been merciful with him. 

Keith thinks that if it wasn’t obvious that Keith felt like a shell of his usual self, Takashi might have been much more intense than this. 

If this were the case, Keith could look at himself in the mirror now and...

Immediately, Keith feels exasperated with himself. Why, does he want to spot big blue bruises all over his backside? Does he want to be unable to sit down without wincing for a week?

Keith huffs. No, he absolutely doesn’t. Honestly, what’s wrong with him! 

Keith ignores his twitching cock that is actively trying to dislodge the sturdy cage. He needs to remember how to redirect his attention to things other than his arousal. 

Did Keith mention that he hates cock cages?

He buries himself under the pillows and screams. It helps little to alleviate his impotent rage but it’s something.

Finally, Keith makes himself stretch his muscles slowly and sit up. What a frustrating day. It’s been mere minutes since Keith’s woken up in such a great mood, and already he is cranky and irritated.

Wearing a cage and being unable to jerk off isn’t anything new, Keith tells himself. He can deal.

Being horny in the morning and not having an opportunity to release the tension is nothing uncommon either. 

What is really annoying, though, it’s that Keith is at home alone, he’s had enough sleep for the first time in forever, and he can’t enjoy his day off fully (read: masturbate).

Grudgingly, Keith gets out of the bed, visits the bathroom, and then stalks to the kitchen, naked as a jaybird. Fuck being neat. Fuck hygiene.

Big, wise adults want him to “take it easy”? Well, Keith can do that. He will follow their orders to the letter. He will be the laziest and most unproductive person in the entire city today. He will make Takashi proud, ha.

Keith hunts down all the juiciest snacks, even the ones they keep for special occasions and brings them all to the couch. He will not move a finger to feed himself properly today. He will order sushi. Or, maybe, Chinese? No, pizza! Or… A genius idea strikes Keith.

The thing is, Mrs. Shay looks at him sometimes with so much pity in her eyes when Keith eats. He thinks he heard her talk to Ryan about Keith’s thinness and how “no one gives the poor growing boy enough food”. Keith didn’t know how to react: to facepalm or to feel offended. In the end, he chose to ignore it. For some reason, though, Mrs. Shay’s comment lingered at the recesses of his memory. 

So, they think he doesn’t get enough nutrients? 

Keith will order a little bit of everything and eat it all alone. "Get much-thicc-very-quick."

That’ll show them. 

Ryan didn’t agree with Mrs. Shay then, by the way. He called Keith “very athletic and agile”. That was very nice of him but Keith doesn’t need pity. Keith pushes his chest forward and strikes a pose. He will gain weight and turn it into muscles and get as big as Ryan, or, or… Takashi, and he’ll see what his boss will sing next!

Soon, Keith has placed orders at five cafes and small restaurants he favours and is lying on the couch in front of the TV with the mountain of snacks on the coffee table in front of him.

Keith will watch the corniest thing there is and call Lance and talk to him all day long and discuss all the merits of Takashi’s dick versus Hunk’s. Lance wanted to for the longest time, and Keith always laughed it off. But today he thinks: why the fuck not? He can’t have Takashi’s dick when he obviously needs it but he can at least talk about it as much as he wants, and no one will disturb him. They made him do everything backward today, and Keith absolutely refuses to let the small pleasures he’s allowed evade him.

… The evening finds Keith groaning from how full he is. His round belly looks huge. Keith’s still naked, aside from his cage. He’s on the same living room couch that saw so many tears from him, covered in grease and surrounded by empty containers.

He feels pathetic in every meaning of the word.

Keith thinks he might puke. He needs to use the bathroom but his belly starts aching from every little move, and Keith just can’t make himself stand up.

Keith manages to haul himself up and limp his way to the toilet when he hears Takashi’s key in the keyhole. Keith swears. Takashi will make fun of him and spank him again for dirtying the couch. 

Ha, Keith thinks a little bitterly. Takashi shouldn’t have left Keith horny and with an imprisoned cock for the whole day. That’s what happens!

It’s not Keith’s fault that everything is like that in the living room. It’s all on Takashi.

(Keith just hopes that Takashi will take his aching belly into account before he dishes out Keith’s punishment. He hopes.)

… In the end, Takashi doesn’t even scold Keith.

Keith thinks Takashi is a little lost at what to think. Keith threw tantrums before but they mostly involved sex (or the lack of it). Keith has never been the chaotic type. He got spanked for leaving a mess in the living room, two or three times, and stopped being messy in Takashi’s flat.

Keith has never left a mess  _ quite like that _ .

Takashi just stands there, his eyes flicking from one island of half-eaten food to another, and says nothing. He has the most astounded and childishly affronted face Keith has seen on him.

It’s so silly that Keith can’t help but burst out laughing even if it makes his stomach hurt with every twitch. Keith laughs and groans from pain, all at once.

Takashi watches Keith wheeze on the carpet, naked, rubs his forehead tiredly, and goes to the kitchen (which isn’t a mess, luckily for everyone). Keith can hear him talking to someone. It's Colleen Holt, it seems. Keith feels embarrassed, all of a sudden. He doesn’t want Takashi to tell Colleen how Keith spent his day. He doesn’t want her to think that Keith is like that. The thought makes Keith ache in a much different way.

Keith spends a few seconds pitying himself, then drags himself to the shower, dresses, and returns to the living room to start cleaning the leftovers of his fun. He doesn’t even notice the presence of the cage anymore.

There are some positive moments about his day. For example, Lance was so envious of Keith’s feast that Keith had to send Hunk a message saying, “Lance craves burgers”. He hopes that Hunk read it before going home and will have a chance to make Lance a little happier. 

“At least someone’s evening will be nice,” Keith mumbles, pouting, while he stacks containers in heaps. The amount of garbage he produced alone is astonishing. An anti-record of sorts.

Takashi’s voice can be heard from the open kitchen door. He laughs merrily at something the person on the other end of the line (Colleen?) says. His laughter makes Keith smile. All is well if his boyfriend can laugh like that.

Going to bed is no fun at all. Keith still feels like a barrel with fat.

Takashi teases him, the non-sexy kind. 

Unneeded cruelty, in Keith’s opinion.

“Oh, baby, it’s such a pity I don’t have a reason to take your cage off today. You know I wanted to, so bad. In the state you’re in, I’m afraid jerking off will hurt you,” Takashi coos, the asshole.

Keith doesn’t have it in him, to contradict. He thinks the stomach ache pills Takashi found for him are helping but he’s not sure they will work for the whole night.

He is never binge-eating junk food again. Never in his life.

Takashi just can’t stop, though. The mouth on him!

“Oh, Keith. I thought I’d come home to a sweet, horny boy who can’t wait to be fucked by me. Instead, I found a greedy, filthy boy in a messy nest.”

Keith wiggles out of Takashi’s arms and settles on his side, his comforter bunched up around his middle, not unlike some protective shell.

Takashi takes notice and stops talking.

Takashi then touches Keith on the shoulder, lightly, tentatively. Keith knows Takashi’s trying to mollify him now, and yet, he is not in the mood to be agreeable at all.

“Baby, I am sorry. I stopped, okay? I am sorry you’re hurting.”

Takashi sounds genuine but Keith doesn’t react, pretending to be asleep.

“Do the pills help at least?” Takashi whispers.

“Yes,” Keith grumbles barely intelligibly. Then, after a minute of silence, he says in a low voice, “I am sorry for the greasy spot on the seat of the couch. I will clean it up tomorrow. I know how.”

Takashi lets out an incredulous laugh.

“I thought it was deliberate. I thought you wanted to annoy me.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Keith whispers, mortified. Why did he have to be so careless? He hates ruining good things. Takashi’s, more than any other.

Now Keith feels even worse about his shenanigans of earlier.

Takashi breathes out noisily and scoots up on the bed to spoon Keith.

“I forgive you. You will take care of it tomorrow, and we’ll leave it behind. No guilt, no self-accusations. Deal?”

Keith wants to nod but he can’t make himself. He can’t just… be forgiven, like that. It’s not fair to Takashi and his favorite couch.

“Oh, Keith.”

Takashi moves even closer to Keith.

“Baby boy,” Takashi is so close that his breath tickles Keith’s ear, making him shiver. “You’re still in chastity, and you will wear it until I say so. I promised you orgasms. But you know I can’t be generous with you when you throw tantrums, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do know, Takashi,” Keith mutters into his pillow.

Takashi’s arms tighten on Keith, just a little.

“You’re going to have plenty of chances to repent of your gluttony.”

Strangely, but this thought makes something thaw in Keith’s chest. Takashi will deal with Keith’s transgression. Takashi is not giving up on him because of a day of petty debauchery. 

Keith should have expected this but he didn’t.

Takashi’s kindness always comes as a surprise to Keith.

Keith thinks he will never get used to it. Well, it has one merit: Keith won’t ever take Takashi for granted. Not that Keith would, otherwise, of course.

“I am going to be good for Takashi, again, tomorrow,” Keith promises himself, quickly succumbing to sleep. “I will make him proud. I will.”

Keith doesn’t hear Takashi whispering confessions against his nape. But the cocoon of safety around him is more than enough to make Keith sleep soundly and have happy dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey!
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Keith is BABY, and he's going to be fine!
> 
> Please, tell me what you think about Keith throwing tantrums with junk food strewn around! I enjoyed writing it a little bit too much, to be honest))


	18. When The Bed Is Finally Made By Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (and for two 😉)
> 
> Takashi has his own opinion about Keith's burn-out and other problems. He is there to help and support as much as he can. But who will hold Takashi up when he starts stumbling?
> 
> Or lots of melodrama, then lots of porn, then spanking, then some more porn, then also porn, and at last, the promised happy ending.
> 
> (Takashi gets some dick yes)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear readers!
> 
> This is one of the fanfics that you start writing with the illusion of being able to finish it quickly. But as time drags on, the number of chapters grows, and the ending gets delayed, again and again. I started it as a Kinktober Prompt as you may remember. But then there were also feelings, so many feelings, and pain, and difficulties... I can't just write these two as happy kinksters all the time, y'all.
> 
> Honestly though? I am glad that my hand wavered and I wrote this instead of a short chastity fic. It was my chance for self-exploration. I used Keith and Shiro to work through my own issues, and it worked.
> 
> I hope that the last chapter will leave you with a good, uplifting feeling.  
> Or any other! If my fic made you think about something you haven't considered before, it'd be the best! I will also be happy to hear that you had fun and were able to escape from reality into Sheith.
> 
> Have a good time reading!  
> (12k words are no joke)

Takashi honestly doesn’t understand how he could’ve spent so much time quenching his desire to take care of Keith properly. It’s who he is; he takes care of the people he loves. He is passionate and protective. There was no real reason to act the way he did, none at all.

The more Takashi thinks about it, the more ashamed of himself he feels.

Takashi has been so scared that his actions may give away his infatuation with Keith that he sometimes treated Keith worse than a random acquaintance. The memories make Takashi want to hide under a rock forever.

Well, there’s no magic cure now. He will have to live with guilt and self-recrimination for the rest of his life. Not only did Takashi keep his feelings secret, but he also ended up being unnecessarily cruel to Keith. This, he doesn’t think he will ever forgive himself for.

The more reasons to do his absolute best for Keith now, Takashi tells himself every time his thoughts turn too pessimistic. Past, he can’t change. Influence his current life, though? He can and he will.

Takashi tries to be a good partner for Keith. He does his best to be supportive. He forbids himself from complaining to anyone about Keith’s horrendous schedule, including, first and foremost, Keith himself. He allows Keith to make his own decisions and mistakes. The last part, it’s… it’s not easy. Guiding and mentoring is what Takashi does well. But, taking into account their shared history, Takashi just can’t act the same as he would with any other younger person in need of assistance.

There’s also Keith’s history before Takashi which is terra incognita for him. Keith almost never wants to talk about it. The only person, who could help Takashi out with this, is Lance. But when Takashi as much as hints at wanting to know more about Keith’s life prior to getting his stipend and being accepted to the uni, Lance shuts his mouth up so fast his teeth click. Absolutely unhelpful.

At least, Takashi knows Keith enough to be aware that any unsolicited advice would be confused with an attack at Keith’s independence. Takashi is left hoping that Keith would come to him if help were needed.

Takashi will do whatever it takes to help Keith.

Takashi spends so much time persuading himself that Keith is adult enough to ask for what he needs that he almost believes in it.

This is why it hurts, just a little, when it doesn’t work. Keith doesn’t trust Takashi enough to tell him that he’s going crazy from stress until the very last moment. Of course, Takashi comes running (drives fast enough through the night traffic to get some horns blaring) when Keith asks if Takashi could take him home. It’s only natural.

Of course, Takashi doesn’t see it as a burden or a sacrifice, or whatever Keith calls it in his clever head. Takashi would say he is honoured to finally be there for Keith after Keith asked him for it. Takashi would gladly do so much more for him if Keith just asked.

When Takashi brings Keith home, Keith can barely keep his eyes open. He is so exhausted. Takashi can’t believe he let Keith run himself ragged like that under his watch. Takashi isn’t blind – he knew something was brewing. He was worried about Keith yet he couldn’t imagine how bad it was in reality.

It’s… It’s simply unfair that Keith didn’t say anything, Takashi can’t help but think. Maybe, he felt pressured by his boss or his peers at work?

But the phone conversation with Mrs. Shay the next morning clearly shows that the only pressure Keith is under is what he put on himself. It’s disconcerting, to say the least. Takashi listens to Mrs. Shay talk about Keith (she only has good things to say, except for how he should eat more and work less) and thinks, thinks, thinks.

This issue might run much deeper than Keith’s residual distrust of Takashi. This is bigger than just Keith and Takashi as a couple; this is the way Keith learned to live.

He says goodbye to Mrs. Shay and sits down on the chair in the kitchen.

Takashi’s limbs feel heavy. He feels as helpless as he did when he believed Keith was slipping through his grasp.

What does he even know about his boyfriend, really?

Aside from the facts that Takashi was able to gain while being Keith’s lover (he refuses to say “fuckbuddy” in relation to Keith even in his head), there’s not much.

Takashi knows that Keith doesn’t have parents or family. He always knew: Keith didn’t make a secret out of it. Takashi thought he understood what it’s like; his situation wasn’t much different, after all. But now Takashi is aware that he was oversimplifying Keith’s past. Takashi had the Holts, and he also inherited enough money from his grandparents to never have to worry about his higher education or renting a flat. Keith didn’t have either.

This information is still something, Takashi tells himself stubbornly. He will learn more one day. Or he won’t; it’s up to Keith. Both variants are acceptable.

To not go crazy from imagining all the hardships and abuse Keith might have gone through, Takashi concentrates on the mundane stuff. He tries to live in the here and now, tries to stay positive for the both of them.

He brings Keith to bed, makes food for him, and makes sure that Keith doesn't try to sneak any work into his holidays. It’s not a hardship at all, especially when Keith relents and lets Takashi worry about stuff in his stead. Without any cowardly bullshit on his mind to distract him, Takashi slips into his “mother-hen-mode” and doesn’t shake it off unless he has to leave the flat. Being Keith’s caretaker is intuitive for him, and even Keith’s grumpiness doesn’t derail Takashi’s tender mood.

What’s not easy is dealing with Keith’s self-worth issues.

Keith constantly finds reasons to feel bad about himself or attempts to prove that he doesn’t deserve being fussed over. Takashi keeps fussing in an almost provocative manner and then suffers in secret.

Takashi doesn’t know how to dissuade Keith from this. He can’t project himself into Keith’s mind and fix everything, as disappointing as it is. He can’t make Keith see what he (and Lance, and Mrs. Shay, and Ryan, and many others) see when they look at Keith, and it hurts.

It’s so much easier when it comes to Takashi’s own mental health. He can, for example, apply his usual self-discipline techniques to anger management; or he can make himself do something he doesn’t enjoy, like keeping a diary of his emotions which Takashi loathes. With Keith, Takashi can’t just set his eyes on the goal and move towards it; it doesn’t work that way with depressed people you want to cheer up.

There’s more to it. When it comes to sad things, there’s always more.

Keith wants Takashi to hurt him. Not because it arouses them both but because Keith feels he needs to “atone” for his inherent badness. It’s Takashi’s free interpretation of Keith’s verbal and nonverbal signs. He doesn’t know for sure, please, stop throwing tomatoes at his head.

It’s unbearably hard to stay calm and supportive when Keith asks Takashi to punish him. Inside, Takashi screams at Keith to just stop saying such nonsense. Because if Keith deserves a disciplinary spanking while being the most dedicated and hard-working person Takashi knows, then this world doesn’t make any sense at all!

Takashi sees how miserable Keith is, though. He also sees that his encouraging words fall on deaf ears. Keith can’t hear them from all the way down - whatever this pit he’s thrown himself into is.

Keith seems to think that Takashi only says kind stuff to calm him down. It’s kind of irritating - does Keith seriously believe that Takashi would lie to him about important matters?

But whatever. No one is reasonable in the middle of a breakdown.

Takashi will have to forget about his own pain for a while and do what needs to be done.

Meanwhile, Keith is waiting for Takashi’s answer impatiently.

Takashi contemplates his possible responses with an urgency he usually reserves for very important meetings. If Takashi doesn’t agree with Keith, if he insists that Keith is perfect (which is total truth), Keith will think it’s because Takashi wants to spare Keith. If Takashi redirects Keith’s attention, Keith will notice and remember. It could even make Keith avoid coming to Takashi with his problems in the future.

It’s obvious that Keith is on the brink. If Takashi doesn’t say something now, he will lose the moment. But Takashi is clueless about how to make the situation better so he just plays along for a while, praying that he won’t fuck up too badly until he gets a better idea.

Takashi finally manages to put together some semblance of a plan in his head after he hears Keith yell, “I didn’t thank Ryan for his help!” when Takashi makes him look for possible reasons to be spanked.

Takashi pretends to contemplate it, then tuts at Keith. Keith flinches almost imperceptibly. Takashi immediately feels apologetic: he never wants to elicit such a reaction in Keith. But it needs to be done, even if it pains Takashi right now. In this moment, Keith certainly doesn’t need to know what it costs Takashi to stay in the role of Keith’s executor.

“Now, that wasn't very polite of you, young man. Something else?” Takashi says aloud.

Keith takes his time to think. Then, he adds, trying for a contradictory tone, “I didn’t eat the salad you gave me. Arugula tastes bitter.”

This is what he thinks is bad enough to be punished by spanking, Takashi wonders? Or does he think he needs the spanking so badly that any excuse works?

It’s sad. It’s really, really sad that Takashi has to sit here and pretend he approves of the idea of disciplining his boyfriend for things that don’t warrant it.

But Keith came to him on his own volition, and _Keith_ thinks it will help.

Takashi has no other leads. This is why he admits defeat and does what Keith wants from him.

Well, almost. He promises Keith a spanking tomorrow instead of immediately and then manages to steer Keith towards the bed. This, he will count as a win.

Takashi stays late. He has a punishment session to plan.

It’s not as simple as it sounds. If Takashi spanks Keith hard, it will be a disaster. Keith is not in a state to play seriously. If Takashi spanks him lightly, Keith will think that Takashi goes easy on him. It will mean, for Keith, that Takashi doesn’t care enough to take his time and make an effort with Keith’s punishment. At least, that’s Takashi’s prognosis.

What can he do to make it real for Keith? To make it feel like a serious disciplinary measure?

And then it hits Takashi: the cock cage.

Being in chastity will make Keith concentrate on something other than work and will feel like punishment. Distraction and atonement in one simple device - genius, isn’t it?

They didn’t use the cage lately. It lies, safely hidden, on one of Takashi’s shelves in the wardrobe. Takashi likes this little accessory. He can’t help it.

Keith, on the other hand, totally despises it.

Just what the doctor ordered.

It feels like cheating, a little, when Takashi presents Keith with the cage after blowing him the next morning since Takashi knows full well that he will enjoy torturing Keith immensely. But making it difficult for Keith is exactly the point, Takashi tries to convince himself while putting the metal contraption on Keith’s soft dick. The same goes for the spanking. His own fun is just a coincidence. Collateral damage of sorts.

Takashi doesn’t think his idea was so genius anymore when he comes home to a pudged Keith who surely inhaled more food than he should have. Keith’s usually toned belly looks round like a ball. The living room is a mess. A real pigsty. There hasn’t been a time Takashi let his house devolve to such a state since he left uni and random roommates behind. It feels like he went back in time and landed at a frat party.

Takashi asks himself: if one day in the cage made Keith go to such lengths to show his displeasure, what’s next?

Takashi seems to be making a very funny face since Keith starts laughing at him and simply doesn’t stop. Keith laughs so hard that he has to hug his stomach to keep the joy contained, somehow. Keith can’t stop wheezing even when his face contorts in pain. His full stomach sure is cramping.

Takashi’s puzzlement must be very amusing.

Takashi has no idea how to navigate this and decides to exclude himself from the situation entirely.

Keith is still laughing when Takashi flees to the kitchen (he does with dignity). There, Takashi remembers that he didn’t call the Holts this week yet. It’s a great reason to hide away for a longer time, Takashi reasons, and dials Colleen.

While he’s at it, Keith comes back to his senses and starts cleaning up the mess. It’s big mercy in Takashi’s eyes. He was so not ready for a fight over cardboard boxes today.

When the night comes, Keith regrets every piece of pizza and every bite of Chinese food he allowed himself today. Takashi can't help but tease - sue him, Keith doesn't usually present him with such majestic opportunities.

Takashi’s excitement does more harm than good, though. He might be a little bit too mean about his teasing.

He apologizes immediately when he notices, OK?

But it's too late to have stopped at the right time already: Keith is obviously saying bad things about himself in his head.

Takashi needs to fix it, and fast.

Unsurprisingly, nothing about Keith’s conundrum can be solved by “fast” methods. It’s maybe for the best that Takashi stumbled upon another bout of self-hate from Keith when they’re both in the safety of their home. This way, he can be soft around Keith and not let him hide it for even longer at the same time.

Takashi decides that if he can’t make Keith's self-loathing go away by simply loving Keith… he will step up his game and find new, more inventive ways of loving him.

As predicted, forced chastity proves to be a useful instrument in treating Keith’s self-deprecating moods yet again. Takashi requires that Keith endures wearing the cage for a longer time, Keith acquiesces, and no other drastic measures have to be invented.

More than that: after Takashi announces his decision to not let Keith come anytime soon, Keith finally relaxes in Takashi’s arms and falls asleep.

Takashi spends half the night whispering endearments into Keith’s nape.

He is so happy and grateful he is allowed to do that.

To think that his selfishness could have rui…

No, Takashi tells himself. I won’t go there. I need to stay in the present. I can be the rock that Keith needs. It’d be so much better if Keith agreed to see a psychologist but Takashi can’t make it happen just because he wants it for Keith.

For now, what they have will suffice. Together, they can get over anything.

With this thought, Takashi lets his eyes slip closed.

Being Keith’s rock proves to be delightful only in Takashi’s daydreams.

Keith is the best thing that’s happened to him, Takashi reminds himself.

Takashi spent too much time on his own to risk his relationship with Keith over anything. He needs to cherish Keith. He also has to be grateful for what he has.

They’re fine. Everything is great. Things are going to get easier any day now.

This is what Takashi keeps repeating to himself.

Honestly, though?

Takashi is overwhelmed. This has been a hell of a year, and Keith is so vulnerable, and it’s a new city, and they have to make so many adjustments… Takashi is good with changes, really! He wouldn’t be a successful manager otherwise but.

This is somehow more than he’s bargained for, Takashi has to admit.

Talking to a therapist helps a big deal but it’s not all Takashi needs to be fulfilled. And it seems like it will require a very specific thing for Takashi to stay sane and keep functioning at this point.

It’s great to be mature and know exactly what he needs.

The problem is, what Takashi needs is also something he can’t get.

Married men (and Takashi already feels as if they have been married for a few years by now) don’t go to strange Doms to be brought down and hurt.

Keith would never go with it, for sure. He said he was fine with Takashi’s past life as a sub but who knows what he will say if Takashi mentioned it as a thing he wants in the present?

What if the idea would scare Keith? Because it would mean that Takashi isn’t strong enough on his own, and how the hell would he be good enough for taking care of Keith then? It would leave Keith untethered, adrift again. Takashi can’t let that happen.

Takashi spent so much time hurting Keith - he can’t give Keith more reasons for heartbreak.

Takashi tells himself that he has no right to feel robbed of something important just because he can’t start looking for a Dom for himself. Life has gifted him with so much already. He just needs to get a grip.

And everything was so normal for so long...

It was this call, this one call that made Takashi think about his past BDSM-adventures so insistently. His old acquaintance contacted him. He didn’t know that Takashi left the city or that he isn’t active in the scene at all anymore. He wanted to bring his two subs (both girls) and let Takashi play with them under his supervision. It would’ve been a good idea, more than half a year ago. Takashi was honest when he said that it’s a pity that he can’t. It would’ve been good for him if he were still alone.

It was a fun conversation, really. The man assumed that Takashi’s new partner is a woman, and, after being corrected, sputtered rather gracelessly saying that having another man as a partner is fine. Yes, totally, definitely good. Takashi was amused by this more than anything. In the end, Takashi and his acquaintance wished each other luck, and Takashi promised to message the man the next time he comes to the city where he lived before.

Then, Takashi put his phone down on the table and barely stopped himself from raiding kitchen cabinets for a quick drink.

He paced the living room instead, mindful of Keith napping in the bedroom.

It was several days ago, and it weren’t nice days. Today is especially hard. Takashi’s head is loud, and his thoughts fly around erratically in his mind.

If only someone would put him on his knees and…

Takashi forcefully disrupts this train of thought.

It’s fine, Takashi doesn’t need this anymore.

There are other things on the table.

He still hasn’t asked Keith to fuck him, for example. How could he, though? He can’t put more pressure on Keith while he’s not completely back to calm and steady yet.

There are some positive changes in Keith’s state. A lot of those, even.

Keith asked Takashi to take the cage off two days ago. No, Keith basically ordered Takashi to do so, and Takashi obeyed, no questions asked. In a way of explanation, Keith said he felt that it was too extra when he wasn’t feeling down or wasn’t low on energy. It wasn’t needed anymore since he felt so much better lately.

It was fine, too. Keith did the right thing.

Takashi was maybe a little relieved he was allowed to relinquish this portion of control over Keith.

It’s nice to treat Keith with utmost care but Takashi also adores Keith as his fully adult self. He loves Keith’s sass, his dry humour, his stubbornness (yes, that, too).

He loves how bossy Keith can be at times…

Here Takashi has to forcibly redirect his thoughts. Nope, he's not going there.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. Takashi is not as needy as he had been once. His subbing is in the past.

He won’t ask Keith to spank him or to make him cry. It’s not how they work, is it?

It takes about two months (and several forced breaks from work) for Keith to start acting and looking like he’s fully recovered.

Two months is a long time.

Despite his best efforts, Takashi’s neediness doesn’t go anywhere. It can’t be turned off by the force of will, Takashi discovers.

Takashi dreams of being spanked. He almost takes his belt to whip himself in front of the mirror while Keith is at work - but he imagines how it would look like from an outsider’s perspective, and chickens out.

The most “innocent” thing Takashi could do is to start touching himself… the other way around, too. A lot of men jerk off using their assholes for additional stimulation. It’s nothing out of the ordinary.

And if Takashi does it on his own leisure, it doesn’t concern anyone else.

_(Why would you hide your own wants from your lover who you trust? Keith bottoms for you all the time, a voice yells in Takashi’s head. It sounds suspiciously like Lance and Allura combined. Do you think less of Keith because of that?!)_

_(No, Takashi replies to the voice, also in his head. Keith is perfect. It’s just that Keith is allowed to enjoy this, and Takashi is already weird and unstable, so he doesn’t have the same pass. He can’t do vulnerable things and stay as flawless as Keith. It’s not in his nature.)_

Stuffing his ass full becomes an obsession, and quickly. Takashi hasn’t masturbated so often in the longest time. He fucks Keith every time Keith suggests it. They blow each other almost every day. He has all the opportunities to get off, and he does get off. It doesn’t change a thing.

No, really. Something is wrong with Takashi. He just can’t seem to quit it.

At first, he waits to be alone at home. Then, he starts sneaking out to the bathroom when Keith is busy with something. At some point, Takashi stops caring if Keith might notice that he spends all his free time “showering” and just goes for it whenever the horniness spikes.

It is a matter of time, really, until Keith would learn about Takashi’s secret new activities. Keith does the worst (best) thing he could’ve done. He walks in on Takashi stretching his asshole in the shower.

Takashi wonders idly if he’s been subconsciously hoping this would happen. If he unwittingly orchestrated this so that Keith would see one day.

The view from behind must be so lewd. Takashi put one foot on the ledge of the shower cabin, holding onto the wall with one hand and working his hole with the other. His crack is on full display like that, wet and shiny from water and lube. His cock hangs half-limply against his thigh and twitches at particularly nice thrusts. Keith can’t see it from his position at the door, and Takashi is surprised when the thought makes him want Keith to come to the shower and take a closer look.

Takashi’s hand holding the butt plug doesn’t cease its movements. The idea doesn’t even occur to Takashi. He fucks himself, panting and needy, and he enjoys it so, so much.

Meanwhile, Keith stares. And damn, he looks hungry. His eyes rake over Takashi’s body possessively, taking in every detail.

When Keith’s heated gaze meets Takashi’s, Takashi whimpers.

Keith inclines his head to the side and narrows his eyes in an unspoken command.

Takashi’s hand freezes. The plug he was pleasuring himself with gets stuck half-buried in his ass, and at the maximum stretch, at that.

Keith smiles, quite unkindly, and sways his head.

Takashi takes his hand off the plug entirely and puts it on the wall in front of him. Immediately, his ass sucks it inside with a squelching noise. Takashi whimpers again and turns his head to look at the wall. It feels really good inside him, and Keith’s stare steadily brings Takashi down, down, down… It’s all mellow and caramelized and pepper-hot around the edges until Takashi vaguely remembers Adam offhandedly commenting on how big Takashi’s thighs look from behind. The flashback kills the mood in an instant, and it’s all Takashi can do not to change his position. For Keith’s benefit, he tells himself. It was clear Keith liked the view of Takashi stretching himself as if preparing to take a cock, right, right?

In his mind, Takashi is struggling between two extremities. His conscious brain tells him that Keith is the person he trusts; it says that it’s absolutely unnecessary to feel afraid of Keith of all people - Keith won’t react badly. Keith won’t badmouth him. Keith will rather support Takashi in whatever he needs.

But Takashi’s erratic, frightened past self urges him to run, hide, deflect, - anything not to be told off for being pathetic how it happened before. Its voice is so prominent that Takashi can’t ignore it.

Takashi throws a glance at Keith. He is keeping still, his expression less intense and more watchful now. He isn’t saying anything, seemingly waiting for the situation to unfold.

Takashi goes through a waterfall of emotions in the span of a few seconds. Mortification, fear, sadness, hope, affection, passionate longing. Last of all, he feels resignation. If Keith doesn’t like Takashi like this, so be it.

But Keith doesn’t make anything threatening. He looks pensive, though. Maybe, he doesn’t really know what to do, Takashi muses. He was new to sex when he met Takashi, and he is certainly new to being on top.

With that, Takashi is reminded of how sweet and faithful Keith actually is. How he follows Takashi’s lead unquestionably and how he allowed Takashi to basically experiment on him many, many times.

Keith deserves to be given a chance in return.

Takashi will give him this chance.

Having made up his mind, Takashi puts his hands firmly on the tiled wall, lowers his shoulders and head, and bends at the waist, presenting his ass to Keith.

When nothing happens in the same second, a bolt of dread shoots through Takashi. Despite his best efforts to stay calm, he panics. Takashi tells himself that there’s no turning back now.

He reminds himself that Keith was so brave for him all this time; that he gave Takashi everything. Takashi can do that, too.

Takashi wants to give Keith his everything. He already allowed Keith to have him in many ways. Takashi can offer himself to Keith in this way, too.

Before Takashi can work himself into a proper panic attack, Keith produces a muffled whine that doesn’t sound annoyed or angry or disinterested at all. Takashi exhales in relief - this won’t be like other times where his counterparts were unaffected by him while Takashi was writhing in desire. Keith wants Takashi, too.

His spine protests but Takashi still bows a little lower and puts his feet wider.

There’s a sharp intake of breath behind him and then Takashi hears quick steps. Keith comes closer, closer, he’s right there, he’s going to touch Takashi soon...

Automatically, Takashi braces for a slap to his rear or something like that.

Instead, Keith’s touch is feathery soft on Takashi’s buttocks. It makes Takashi tremble.

Keith spends minutes dragging the tips of his fingers over Takashi’s ass, his back, his shoulders. Until Takashi can’t think anymore; until he can’t concentrate on anything other than Keith’s touches.

He’s falling into his submissive headspace, Takashi realizes.

Now, it’s up to Keith to let him hit the ground or to make him soar.

Keith sounds hoarse when he speaks up.

“What do you want, Takashi? Tell me.”

Takashi can only sniffle and whine low in his throat.

It’s not the right answer. The tracing stops. Instead, Keith’s hands settle on Takashi’s hips and squeeze punishingly.

Takashi just whines dejectedly and hangs his head lower.

Please, let Keith stumble upon the right words. Takashi is useless at talking. He is useless at thinking, too. Please, Keith, find the words for both of us, Takashi repeats in his head.

Please, Keith, please!

He must’ve been chanting it out loud. Oops.

Keith… His aura has changed. It’s as if he’s turned into a creature of an entirely new species. And his voice. His voice growls, and threatens, and turns Takashi inside out, filling him with mindless lust and awe of Keith.

“Please, what, Takashi? Do you want me to just look at you?”

With that, Keith lifts his hands off Takashi and moves away.

Takashi takes his nice thoughts about Keith back. He’s a lot crueler than everyone Takashi ever knew. Doesn’t he know what he’s doing to Takashi? And this is the moment when he deprives Takashi of his touch?

Heartless boy.

“Oh, my love,” Keith drawls, and Takashi can’t see his face but he’d wager a guess that Keith is smiling. “Your ass is beyond pretty like that.”

Hearing Keith address him in this new, guttural voice, and not be touched is unbearable.

Takashi is beyond turned on right now.

He needs to get fucked by Keith, like, yesterday.

Takashi’s cock is definitely fully hard now, and it aches.

Why is Keith so stubborn and bent on talking when all he needs to do is dicking Takashi into the wall?

Takashi whines louder and shimmies his ass as much as he can, hoping to get the message across.

Keith just continues speaking as if he didn’t notice. In his new, smoky voice he drawls, “So gorgeous here. All naked and ready. I could look all night and not get enough.”

Is he serious?

No touches follow. No hands descend on Takashi’s body to ravish him. Nothing happens; just Keith’s low humming can be heard from time to time.

With sinking clarity, Takashi realizes that Keith wasn’t joking earlier about Takashi speaking to him first.

Takashi might or might not be in big trouble.

Takashi tries to plead aloud and it turns out that he totally is: his tongue pretends to be a dry waffle and completely refuses to cooperate.

He is fucked.

In his head, Takashi begs Keith to do something in elaborate sentences.

To the real Keith, Takashi mewls something like a “no” but it’s too garbled to understand even to his own ears.

Keith’s next remark just proves it.

“Maybe, you want me to help you wash?” Keith inquires false-innocently. “You seem to have forgotten how to do it.”

Takashi shakes his head. He is so aroused his dick might just fall off. His head is empty. His words still evade him.

“Or... I could suck you off?” Keith offers generously. He is well aware that this is the wrong question, too.

Takashi sobs, surprising himself with the force of his hurt. He doesn’t want a blowjob from Keith; not this time.

Keith’s voice is steely the next time he speaks.

“Then tell me.”

It’s an order. Oh, gosh, it’s an order, and Takashi can’t make himself talk; he’s become all dumb and lost.

He can’t even follow orders right now, so stupid he is in his want of a dicking.

But it’s Keith’s order. It can’t be ignored. For Keith, Takashi tries, and tries, and tries. Until he remembers, at least, what the thing spearing his ass channel is called.

“The… the plug. Keith, please.”

Here, he said it.

Keith is not done torturing him, though.

“Should I take it out?”

One of Keith’s hands lands on Takashi’s butt with a light clapping sound. It’s now poised right at the crack but is not touching the base of the plug at all. Takashi is so frustrated he might cry.

Keith’s fingers dance on Takashi’s oversensitive skin, inching closer to his plugged hole. Keith is a menace. Takashi needs to form coherent sentences faster, or he is doomed.

He manages to get out only, “No! Please! Keith,” before his brain intervenes and quenches down all hope to fulfill Keith’s order.

Takashi yearns to do what Keith wants from him. He yearns to please Keith. But now his traitorous mind keeps replaying Lelia’s cruel words to him, and Takashi’s mouth stays shut.

Takashi strains to say more but he suddenly can’t make himself say the simplest, truest things. He, who told Keith all kinds of filth, can’t announce what he wants. It’s so easy; their wishes don’t contradict each other at all. Keith wants to make sure they’re on the same page and, probably, have his way with Takashi, while Takashi wants to assure him that yes, they are, and get fucked in the ass, finally. And all of this is impossible because Takashi is getting worked up over mundane stuff.

So, after a mortifying pause, Takashi adds a lame, useless, “Please just,” and shuts up.

Silence follows where every minute feels heavier. Takashi can’t believe this is happening. He thought he screwed this can of worms close before, when he overcame his cowardice and presented himself to Keith. He was wrong.

Takashi feels exhausted all at once. His focus is shit. His muscles start to quiver under the strain of his position. It also feels monumentally wrong not to answer a simple ask. Not only that but also to disobey Keith. Takashi feels humiliated in the worst sense of the word.

Panic grips him when he imagines how pathetic he must look to Keith right now. Before Takashi can work himself up to a proper meltdown, Keith speaks up.

“If you can’t tell me what you want I can’t do it. I won’t do anything unless I know you want it, Takashi.”

Keith sounds stern. But he is not angry and he hasn’t left. Even his sternness is weirdly reassuring.

This intervention allows Takashi to calm his breathing a little. When he concentrates on Keith’s words, he is reminded that Keith is right, of course.

Takashi knows he is.

But he just can’t say it aloud, okay? He just…

Keith’s hand lifts up from Takashi’s body, leaving him unmoored again.

All points of touch between them vanish.

It’s unfair. It makes Takashi feel cold. It’s ruining him.

This is worse than being laughed at, Takashi tells his lousy inner voice. And Keith wouldn’t anyway, he reminds himself. Keith is on his side.

Behind him, Keith takes a step back, huffing noisily, and…

Takashi closes his eyes and rattles out, rapid-fire, “Please-fuck-my-ass-with-the-plug.”

At first, nothing happens. Takashi holds his breath.

Then he hears Keith exhale, mutter, “Oh my gosh,” and stomp closer anew.

The next thing Takashi knows is Keith draped all over Takashi’s naked body. One of his hands is roaming Takashi’s chest, and the other is groping his butt cheeks.

All fears forgotten, Takashi moulds to Keith, allowing Keith to become his whole universe.

For a few unending moments, Takashi is all heat and desire. He’s an obedient doll for Keith to play around. But then his neediness returns tenfold, and he can’t hold the noises in. Takashi whines, overwhelmed but unable to express the full range of his emotions. For that, Keith bites a spot on his back (eliciting another whine) and asks rhetorically, “You want me to fuck you?”

Takashi moans loudly.

“With pleasure, darling,” Keith whispers and pulls the plug out only to force it right back in.

Takashi howls and comes, as easy as that.

He doesn’t even get some time to enjoy his truly mind-blowing orgasm: one second, he is spilling all over the shower floor; the next, everything goes blank.

“I was sure you’d crack your skull on the tiles or something! Ohmygod, Takashi, ohmygod! I am never fucking you in the shower again. Never ever! And nowhere outside of a bed! Oh my god. What the fuck…”

Takashi is sitting on the bed with a cup of steaming tea, and Keith is pacing.

“Okay,” Takashi says placatingly. “Okay”.

He tried calming Keith down but it didn’t work. It looks like he needs to burn down the nervous energy first, then he will be able to talk.

Takashi didn’t expect such a spectacular finish either. It didn’t ever happen to him like that. He knows Keith blacked out a few times when he overstimulated him. He knows it must be because bottoming in any capacity is a complicated topic for him. But Takashi still can’t explain why his body and mind reacted like that after Keith made exactly one motion with the plug in Takashi’s ass. He is baffled, too.

What a melodrama, honestly.

Takashi imagines it’s much worse for Keith because a) Takashi could’ve hurt himself basically on Keith’s watch, and b) Keith might think he did something wrong. Which wasn’t the case. Takashi is proud of him here, honestly. Keith didn’t lose his cool and made sure Takashi knew of what he was doing, what he was agreeing to. Keith did things right.

Takashi’s heart swells with affection for Keith, again.

At last, Keith slows down, stops mumbling, and sits down on the bed next to Takashi.

He sighs heavily and drops his head into his hands.

Takashi puts his cup on the nightstand and starts rubbing Keith’s stiff shoulders.

“It was as if my whole life flashed in front of my eyes when you sagged down there,” Keith says into his hands. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.”

“Nothing did, this time. You caught me, right?”

“Yes. I didn’t know I could move so fast in such a close space.”

Keith chuckles mirthlessly and leans into Takashi’s side, lets Takashi take his weight and wrap him in his arms.

“You’re amazing, baby. In everything you do. I am not surprised at all. And I am so glad it was you there for me, yeah? I know I can trust you.”

Keith makes a disbelieving sound and burrows deeper into Takashi. He is unhappy and worried when he should be smug and victorious.

This won’t do.

“Keith, dear, I didn’t know I would react that way? If I knew, I’d tell you to take me to bed. I’d tell you to stop.”

Keith shoves at his side, a little, and Takashi amends.

“Well. No, I don’t think I could have asked you to stop. No way I could.”

Then Takashi elaborates.

“It was a big deal for me, you know? To show you this side of me. It was a lot for me, what I did there.”

Keith’s hold on Takashi changes from frantic to comforting, and Takashi finds the courage to explain more.

“I am not sure I could’ve repeated my… demonstration if we stopped half-way. I hoped I’d just bend for you, and you’ll do the rest,” and Takashi chuckles humourlessly.

Keith grunts in disapproval, still glued to Takashi’s side.

“I, I. I got scared there,” Takashi admits.

Here, he said it.

Keith hugs him tighter. If he makes a little more effort, he will leave Takashi without air to breathe.

“I didn’t know you were scared,” Keith mutters. “I thought you were goading me or something. Or too far gone to talk.”

“That too,” Takashi agrees easily. “I was so horny for you I passed out, remember?”

Keith shoves at him again and this time disentangles himself from Takashi entirely.

Takashi lifts a placating hand, watching Keith pout in his peripheral vision.

“But, and I am serious, we will do as you said: we’ll play safe. No shower sex for the poor old me,” Takashi feels the need to add.

Keith pinches him meanly.

“Ouch!” Takashi shouts indignantly.

He tries to retaliate but Keith is too agile: he rolls off of the bed and out of Takashi’s reach in mere seconds. Soon, it’s a race across the bedroom.

They fool around until Keith lets Takashi catch him.

Takashi pins Keith to the wall and looks down at him with what he hopes is a seductive grin.

Keith is flushed and smiling, just a little. And he is so cheeky, and pretty, and he worried about Takashi so much.

Takashi has to kiss him.

They kiss until they’re both panting, and Keith is rutting into Takashi’s leg.

Takashi allows it for a while, then, when Keith starts sounding frantic, he lowers his hand and cups Keith through the fabric of his pants. Keith arches into him. Now, Keith is clinging to Takashi. He has both arms around Takashi’s neck, nails digging into Takashi’s skin through the t-shirt that he wears.

Keith’s eyes are half-lidded, his lips – bitten red. The expression he wears is the sexiest one Takashi has seen so far.

To put it simply, Keith is a dream come true.

“You’re so hot, baby. Gorgeous. Pretty. All mine,” Takashi babbles. He punctuates his words with little squeezes to Keith’s package, making him whine and try to get more friction.

Takashi doesn’t tease. He dips his hand into Keith’s boxer briefs and takes his dick, starts tugging slowly. Soon, he has to speed up his movements for it to be enough. In no time at all, Keith comes into Takashi’s hand, whimpering quietly.

Takashi brings him to the bed, pulls Keith’s pants all the way off, and cleans him as best as he can with the same boxer briefs. Keith lets him manhandle himself however Takashi sees fit, pliant in his arms.

Keith allows him so many things, Takashi marvels while he climbs into bed and spoons Keith.

Up until recently, Takashi didn’t even realize how much trust it takes. How much faith Keith had in him from the start.

There’s another revelation: Keith was always following Takashi’s script, and yet, he didn’t falter when Takashi needed him to be in charge. If someone will cherish Takashi, it’s Keith.

Why did he torture himself with fantasies of finding a Dom somewhere? Why didn’t he come to Keith and talk to him about his cravings?

Even if Keith weren’t interested (which Takashi can’t imagine anymore), he’d look into it; he’d try to help Takashi out. It didn’t have to be a dirty secret.

Meanwhile, Keith gets enough rest to start wiggling and tossing and turning. He isn’t satisfied until he has Takashi under himself, both of them hidden by their comforter.

“So,” Keith starts conversationally. “Were you planning on having fun with your ass all on your own forever?”

Takashi startles. He can feel colour rising on his cheeks.

“No, I just…” he starts but there’s nothing he can add to this phrase. There are no real reasons and explanations other than the true one.

Takashi told Keith that he was afraid. But there’s more to it.

He needs to clue Keith in because otherwise, they can’t move forward.

There’s no gentle way to expose himself so thoroughly and completely as Takashi will have to in order to make Keith understand. So Takashi bites the bullet.

“I was so scared you’d humiliate me and hurt me that the very idea of being… _open_ to you made me panic.”

Vulnerable. That’s the word he should’ve used.

Still, Keith gets it.

He cups Takashi’s face with his warm palms and boops his nose on Takashi’s, all tender and smiley and loving.

“Thank you for telling me,” Keith whispers. “I didn’t know it was… well, like this.”

Takashi nods.

“We can wait for when you’re comfortable doing things,” Keith promises, and it’s so what Takashi longed to hear that it’s unbelievable.

“Yes, please,” Takashi murmurs.

“We can avoid doing stuff where your, well, where your ass is involved. If it’s a hard limit for you,” Keith suggests, blushing and turning away.

“No!” Takashi protests immediately. The vehemence with which he shouts it surprises even him. “We totally will be doing stuff with my ass. I want to. I want you to. I’d love to!”

Keith settles back, obviously relieved and pleased (and amused), and Takashi continues.

Or, he tries to.

“You were so hot when…” he starts saying and then immediately wants to hide, in his turn. Takashi remembers so vividly how Keith was holding him, a commanding presence behind him; how he toyed with him; how he said in his gravelly voice, “I could look all night and not get enough.” It's sort of embarrassing how much it turns him on.

Takashi is so gone for Keith.

When Takashi dares to look straight at Keith again, he is met with a big, infectious smile.

Takashi smiles back, big and goofy.

He’s so happy now. It’s the best. To love Keith and be loved back by Keith - it’s the best.

They cuddle for a long, long time after that. It’s not that late yet but they decide it’s time to go to sleep. It was a pretty eventful evening, and they’re both crashing.

To prevent complaints tomorrow, Takashi shoos Keith out of the bed and to the bathroom. They perform their nightly routines and stumble back to bed.

There, Takashi and Keith snuggle close, kiss each other goodnight, and everything goes silent.

Takashi is almost asleep when Keith whispers, “I hope you want to do ass stuff soon because I wanna fuck you so much, Takashi, you don’t even know.”

Keith is out like a light after that.

Takashi's sleepiness is gone in an instant. He lies in the darkness, with burning cheeks and a raging hard-on, and contemplates whether he should wake Keith up and offer him to fuck Takashi right now. Maybe, he should just slink out of the room carefully and take care of his arousal where he won’t disturb Keith?

In the end, Takashi does neither. He already had one orgasm; there’s no reason to be greedy

Takashi stays in bed next to his sleeping lover and savours his lust, his neediness. He tries to imagine if this is how Keith felt when Takashi made him wait to come. He tries to answer to himself: was he projecting on Keith when he put him in a cock cage? Did he want to be caged himself instead?

Well, at least, Keith now has first-hand experience with chastity. Takashi decides that it’s a good thing. Keith will know what to do if he decides to control Takashi’s orgasms…

Takashi realizes where this train of thought is leading him and hides his face in the pillow. He doesn’t even know if Keith is into it as a Dom. (He doesn’t know for sure if Keith wants to be his Dom).

Keith didn’t really enjoy being the caged one. He mostly did it to please Takashi. What if he will despise the very idea and...

A heavy hand smacks Takashi over the shoulder. He grunts in pain.

“Sleep, you dork,” Keith mumbles aggressively and snores away a tick later.

Takashi is rubbing the spot Keith hit. He doubts that Keith knows that he may have left a bruise on Takashi with how strongly he smacked him.

Turns out, Keith is not done with his sleepy harassments. Not ten minutes later, he starts turning from side to side, nudging Takashi closer to the edge of the mattress; then he tries to steal Takashi’s pillow (Takashi doesn’t concede it). In the end, Keith climbs up Takashi’s chest and falls onto it, making Takashi wheeze, all without waking up. There, Keith makes himself comfortable and quiets down.

Takashi feels kind of beaten and suffocating and in love, all at once.

If Keith’s knee wasn’t threatening to kick Takashi’s balls, it would be perfect.

At least, Keith is not lying on Takashi’s face. Small mercies.

This evening becomes a turning stone for them.

In no time at all, Takashi goes from trying not to hyperventilate when Keith even suggests touching his hole to actively begging to be fucked.

It’s such an unbelievable transformation that Takashi can’t fathom how Keith is so calm about it. Don’t get him wrong, Keith is very enthusiastic about everything Takashi, especially about topping him and ordering him around in the bedroom. But Takashi doesn’t think he completely understands what an epic shift it is; what big a change it is for Takashi.

Keith doesn’t realize how much he helped Takashi. Or does he downplay his reactions for Takashi’s sake?

Whatever the case, Takashi thinks he might accept himself, finally, even the most mortifying parts. Especially if Keith keeps telling him how good he is and how much he loves doing things to Takashi.

Keith is such a mean Dom, though! He wasn’t kidding that first time, in the bathroom: he is content to watch Takashi struggle literally forever and won’t do a thing unless Takashi follows his commands.

They have the big discussion, of course, like they had when they started doing things right. Keith was the sub then, and it makes a huge difference.

Takashi feels like he has to both guide Keith in this and entrust himself to Keith’s care. It’s so much. Takashi didn’t know he would struggle with both bottoming and subbing after so many years of being exclusively on top, and how much. Hell, he didn’t believe it was a possibility until this year.

Now, Takashi is showing Keith places inside himself that he thought he never would. It’s overwhelming but also rewarding at the same time.

Unsurprisingly, Takashi loves trying to please Keith.

He loves how Keith will challenge him; how he won’t make anything easy for Takashi. It’s not fun when it’s easy, right?

Sometimes, Takashi tries to compare himself as a sub and a Dom to Keith as a sub and a Dom. It’s complicated, though. He doesn’t have all the data for that. When Takashi is subbing, he’s pretty out of it most of the time. Also, Takashi didn’t ask Keith yet how it looks from his perspective. Takashi wants to, and he will, but later, when they’re more used to switching all the time.

Because they keep playing the way they did before, too, with Keith subbing. Most times, they’re content to simply make love to each other, enjoy each other’s closeness. Other times, it’s pretty clear who wants which. Oddly, there were no times when their desires coincided. It comes organically to them.

The thought makes Takashi smile.

It feels right to be so in sync with Keith. It feels right to know that everything that makes Takashi’s life now - it’s them, Takashi and Keith, and they’re doing well. If one of them fails at being a good partner, the other will tell him, and they’ll correct the mistake together.

While everything in his life with Keith feels more or less amazing, Takashi has his favourite moments.

He adores it when overworked Keith crawls into his lap and hides his face in Takashi’s neck. Keith is usually content to stay there forever but Takashi still asks every time if he wants to be just held in his arms or if he needs more today. Because it’s a fact that they both can be bad about asking for what they need, and Takashi doesn’t want Keith to miss out on anything.

If Keith doesn’t say anything, or hugs Takashi tighter still, they stay where there are - warm, clingy, inseparable.

If Keith whispers, “More”, then Takashi takes him to the bedroom. He lays him down carefully, and cuddles him, and pets him, and kisses his nose, cheeks and everything. When Keith is pliant and noisy in Takashi’s arms, another question follows: does Keith want it soft or intense today?

If Keith chooses soft, then Takashi just makes love to him, slowly. It would be mostly Takashi fucking Keith though sometimes, Keith will request that Takashi ride him. It’s good.

If Keith prefers to be kinky today, then Takashi takes charge fully.

He is very gentle with Keith, of course, given his tired state. But Takashi stays strict and demanding, and makes sure that Keith relinquishes all control to him.

Like now.

Takashi has made Keith come once with a quick blowjob and then switched to edging him. By now, he’s been edging Keith for about twenty minutes, and Keith is a mess.

He’s shivering and sweaty; he whines, and grumbles, and even tries to bat at Takashi’s hands.

The best thing of all? Keith refuses to stay still as Takashi ordered him to, which means Takashi has to hold him down and remind him to behave.

Takashi loves it.

“No, just stay in the position like a good boy, Keith. What did I teach you?”

Keith swears under his breath, kicks at the sheets a little, but settles.

Takashi asks for his colour, to be sure, and receives a “green” in the brattiest tone Keith can muster.

So Keith is pushing his boundaries in earnest which usually means he wants it harder.

Takashi is ready to oblige. He is here to put Keith through his paces, after all.

So Takashi takes his time, bringing Keith to the brink of orgasm over and over again. He only lets Keith come after Keith promises to be good and does as Takashi tells him without talking back.

He’s so lovely, flushed and panting under Takashi’s hands. And so relaxed. As if he thinks Takashi is done with him.

He has no idea what Takashi has in store.

Another ten minutes, and Keith can barely string two words together. He is so overstimulated that he doesn't know whether to chase Takashi’s touch or to try to hide from it.

But Takashi knows what he is doing. Keith needs just a little more to get out of his head fully.

Takashi lets Keith’s cock go (to a very pitiful disappointed yelp) and turns his attention onto Keith’s nipples instead. They’re red and puffy by now, worked over relentlessly again and again. Keith arches from the bed, or tries to, since Takashi holds him down by the waist. There’s nowhere to go from the insistent touches, and Keith has to accept it.

He’s more stubborn than usual today, Takashi notices. He needs to let go.

Takashi spends some time nibbling on Keith’s little tits, alternating between them. Keith is whining brokenly through his teeth, and his red, overworked cock twitches on his belly. Keith even tries to take himself in hand, once, but Takashi doesn’t allow it. He pinches both of Keith’s nipples, hard, as a punishment, and tortures them until Keith pleads with Takashi to have mercy on him.

When it’s just enough, Takashi lets go and rubs Keith’s poor abused nubs soothingly, kisses them better. He licks them and blows cool air over them, eliciting more whimpers and whines from Keith.

Then, Takashi puts one hand back on Keith’s cock, giving it slow, shallow strokes, and starts rubbing slow circles over his right nipple.

Keith goes taught as a bowstring at first, then starts thrashing.

Takashi holds him down easily and continues stimulating him.

Keith is overwhelmed and exhausted, and yet, he still has to shed a single tear. It’s not common for him to hold back for so long. What made Keith so nervous today? Takashi will make sure to ask properly later.

Takashi tries his cooing voice. It usually works like a charm on Keith when he’s like this.

“Now, now, Keith, you can cry, it’s all fine. But remember, you still owe me another orgasm. Can you give it to me, Keith?”

There’s no reaction other than more thrashing and groaning.

Something’s not right. Takashi frowns.

“Give me your colour, baby?” he demands.

“Green, green! Please, Takashi! Need it, please!”

“Then come, baby. You can whenever you want.”

“I… I need…” Keith is babbling, frantic.

Takashi stops touching him, just leaves his hands on Keith’s body, letting him breathe.

“What do you need, dear? How can I help you?” Takashi coaxes, slow and gentle.

“Want your fingers,” Keith mumbles. “Want to come on your fingers, want to suck you, want your cock in me.”

And then it’s just a barely intelligible litany of helpless please-s, nothing more.

Takashi can’t make it all happen at once, of course. One thing is clear, though: Takashi’s initial decision to avoid playing with Keith’s ass because he was so, so tired wasn’t entirely right. He can mend it, though.

Soon, Keith is trying to ride Takashi’s finger and suck at his tongue simultaneously. Kissing him when he’s like this is dangerous: Keith tends to bite. But Takashi loves flirting with danger. So he keeps kissing Keith until they’re both messy in equal measure, and Keith’s ass can take two of his fingers easily.

Takashi returns his efforts to Keith’s cock, and it doesn’t take more than two minutes for Keith to come like this: with Takashi massaging his prostate and his hand stripping Keith’s cock quickly.

Keith doesn’t produce much come at all this time. Takashi lets go of him and just caresses his head, his arms, his shoulders; he kisses him everywhere.

Takashi doesn’t wait for Keith to calm down to take him to the bathroom. It won’t do anything good but allow Keith to fall asleep like this.

He praises Keith all the time while he bathes him and wipes him off and puts him under the covers.

Takashi is so proud of himself that he learned how to take good care of Keith.

The thing is, Keith also learned how to take good care of Takashi.

Takashi isn’t all that difficult as a sub, or so he thinks. But it took them a painstakingly long time to find out

Takashi wants to be made to obey and follow routines. Takashi wants to be useful for Keith and to be treated quite cruelly.

At times, Takashi doesn't recognize himself. He gets needy for attention, doesn't want to do anything to himself alone - only with Keith or if Keith tells him to. He wants to be coddled, praised and then coerced into doing scary things, and then be praised again for doing well (or, sometimes, for simply trying).

Keith is happy to give it all to him.

There’s one week when Takashi doesn’t feel like bothering Keith with his requests. Or, well, anything at all. He is content to do what Keith says and stay close to him. The first evening, he asks Takashi to blow him and then makes a move to reciprocate. Takashi shakes his head and looks at Keith apologetically. He doesn’t want to be pleasured, he wants to be useful for Keith, is all.

Keith catches on his mood fast. Takashi ends up without any orgasms that week.

He frequently goes down on Keith, and gives him handjobs, and lets Keith grind on him however he wants. He fingerfucks Keith to orgasm one time Keith requires it.

Keith doesn’t show any intention of fucking Takashi, and Takashi doesn’t ever comment on it.

All the while, Takashi’s arousal is present, but it’s more like an afterthought, not a real need.

The next week, though, is a different matter entirely. Takashi’s horniness takes the first row again but Keith still doesn’t allow him to come.

Takashi’s balls are tender and swollen, he hasn’t touched himself in forever, and freezing showers get old very fast.

Keith is being a horrible tease – and, of course, he doesn’t allow Takashi any relief, bringing him to a state of burning need that never abates. By the end of the second week of chastity, all Takashi wants is to get fucked by Keith.

What he actually does is get himself into trouble with Keith.

Sunday morning finds Takashi on his knees in front of Keith who lounges on their living room couch like a spoiled prince on a throne. He definitely sounds like one.

'Oh, Takashi. I asked you to do a simple thing – shave your pubes. Why didn't you?"

Takashi whines and offers shallow excuses. He doesn't know why.

The usual discipline measure for when Takashi misbehaves is Keith spanking his hole. Takashi doesn’t know how it came to this. It definitely works for him, and he doesn’t even pity himself as much as Keith does. Keith says he’d quickly safeword from the punishments he doles out to Takashi on the regular. Takashi shrugs at that. He could never endure as much edging as he inflicts on Keith, and does it even matter? Keith always reassures him that it doesn’t. He just can’t believe that Takashi would let him hurt him like that; he can’t believe Takashi can take it so well.

It’s a harsh punishment, yes. Takashi won’t argue here. Very few spanks are enough to put Takashi in distress. A dozen will make him beg. Two dozen will make him cry like a baby.

Keith is not in the mood to be nice. He announces that he will start with spanking Takashi’s ass the usual way and then deal with his unlucky asshole.

Takashi sucks in a breath. He rarely gets spanked this much - usually, Keith chooses either his backside or his hole, not both at once. It’s going to be tough.

But Takashi also never deliberately disobeys direct orders, like today. Keith must be puzzled by his behaviour.

Takashi certainly is. What’s gotten into me, Takashi asks himself?

Keith doesn’t make Takashi wait - impatient in this as in everything else. He orders Takashi to crawl into his lap and starts spanking him. He’s relentless, and it hurts, and it’s exactly what Takashi needs, to be put into place and be allowed to cry.

It never feels that he is allowed to anywhere else, so.

So Takashi cries. Keith asks for his safeword two times but Takashi mutters “green” and holds on.

At some point, when Takashi is tired and sore and trembling but still can’t fully let go, Keith decides to up his game – he asks Shiro to bring the brush.

They both hate the brush as spankees.

Needless to say that they both love to use it on the other, more than anything else.

As soon as Takashi is back in place, Keith starts paddling him, hard. The brush is an invention from hell, and it hurts even worse than Takashi remembered. Takashi cries even harder.

It goes on like this until Takashi feels that he might break.

“Yellow,” he mumbles. He’s a disaster; his throat is hoarse from all the crying and yelling, his face is covered in tears, drool, sweat and snot. Takashi is such an ugly crier.

“Why?” Keith asks. They both know that he means more than the reason why Takashi’s just paused his spanking.

Keith’s hand holding the brush falls onto the bed with a thump. The other splays over Takashi’s back listlessly. This is when Takashi notices how tired Keith sounds.

Keith’s tiredness gets to Takashi as nothing else could.

It feels like a failure.

Takashi sniffles and squeezes his fists so that his nails leave crescents on his palms.

He can’t be good enough for Keith here. Moreover, he can’t even take his punishment so that Keith won’t get annoyed by him.

Takashi is so dense in these things. He was so insensitive as a Dom before. He sometimes thought that Keith was too cheeky for his own good, and that’s how he earned himself many strokes for making irrational things. But Takashi is even worse than that. He made it bad for Keith.

Takashi needs to fix it. He needs to answer Keith’s question and let Keith go on with the rest of Takashi’s punishment.

But Takashi doesn’t know, how. He has told Keith everything he could think of at the start of the ordeal, and neither reason seemed significant.

This is why Takashi is stalling now; this is why he is making Keith wait; it’s all his incompetence. If he could become even worse a sub than he was, he just did.

In his despair, Takashi starts saying things that lingered at the back of his mind for ages but he never decided they were important enough to say aloud. Even to his therapist.

“There will be so many problems with me if you keep being nice to me,” Takashi babbles. “I will be too… Too… Too much to deal with! You will stop loving me, eventually. And I will…”

Before Takashi can start describing in every sordid detail how he will suffer and wilt if Keith chooses to leave him, Keith stops the scene.

Afterward, Keith spends ages reassuring Shiro that every cruel thing he’s been tormenting himself with is far from the truth; so much that it’s ridiculous. Because Keith loves Takashi more than anything, and even if they ever decide to break up as a couple, Keith will not leave him. Keith will always be there for Takashi.

Takashi starts crying with renewed vigour, then. Loud sobs are wracking his frame while he clings to Keith with all his might. As soon as he trusts himself to speak without hiccupping, Takashi promises he will never abandon Keith. There’s no danger of it at all because he will never stop loving Keith, never.

When the real important issues are dealt with, Keith takes his time with Takashi’s punished butt. To Takashi’s mild horror, Keith’s marvelling how this might be the best spanking he’s given Takashi so far. He really called it “the best”, Takashi didn’t mishear it.

“And I didn’t even get to the sweetest part!” Keith laments, massaging Takashi’s sore cheeks and occasionally dipping his fingers into the crack to tease at his asshole.

Takashi blushes and hides his face in his arms.

It’s not that he doesn’t want Keith to know or is embarrassed by the fact but...

He feels so good.

He’s just taken his longest spanking ever, and Keith says he did well. It really is to his benefit that Keith didn’t spank his hole this time. If Keith fucks him, it won’t hurt.

Takashi must have said it out loud because the next thing he knows is Keith abandoning his aftercare duty and hunting for the lube to put his dick in Takashi urgently.

Keith fingers Takashi just enough and then fucks him on his hands and knees, hard, absolutely ignoring how he slaps Takashi’s bruised buttocks with every inward thrust or how Takashi’s cock is weeping on the bed, aching and neglected. Takashi can only hold on and moan for it.

“Take it, Takashi,” Keith growls through gritted teeth. “You’re driving me mad. Your ass is so red; I spanked it so thoroughly. I need to spank you like that all the. Damn. Time. You hear me, Takashi? We’re going to make a well-behaved boy out of you yet. Can’t. Have you. Being. Naughty!”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Takashi chants. He’s gonna be perfect for Keith; he’s gonna take all the spankings like a good boy, and he’s gonna behave. He’s gonna make Keith so proud.

When Keith comes, he collapses on top of Takashi, sweaty and heavy and absolutely boneless. Takashi doesn’t know how he manages not to fall down under the doubled weight. He lowers them slowly, and Keith soft cock slips out of his fucked out hole in the process. It makes Takashi whine involuntarily. But there’s nothing he can do: the fucking was great, amazing, life-changing, but now it’s over, and Keith needs to lie down comfortably.

Takashi lets Keith cuddle him, then stands up on wobbly legs to clean them up and to fetch more water for them both.

A weird mix of headspaces is currently governing Takashi’s actions. He needs to take care of Keith because he’s responsible for him but also because he needs to be useful for Keith and provide good service to him. All his “personalities” agree that Keith is the priority so there’s no conflict between them.

Finally, Takashi turns off the light, checks their alarms (tomorrow is Monday, after all) and gets under the covers with Keith. It’s the best place in the world. Takashi hugs Keith, and it immediately makes Keith climb on him. Takashi ends up lying on his back with Keith sprawled on him koala-like. It’s putting pressure on Takashi’s well-spanked ass, which is not easy to ignore as it is, but also Takashi’s dick never went soft because Keith didn’t let him come, and Takashi’s fantasy is running wild with all the scenarios of how else Keith could make him regret his misbehaviour.

Takashi is still so horny. And also, Keith's ass is right there. Takashi even lets himself try and find a position where he could rub his dick against Keith’s butt from below but it doesn’t work. It’s sad but, maybe, for the better, Takashi thinks, succumbing to sleep finally. He didn’t have permission to come so he would only get in trouble, again. Maybe, Keith will allow him to have an orgasm tomorrow. If he’s generous. Takashi’s been disciplined in earnest today, after all…

The morning after is a mess. Takashi doesn’t remember who was cleaning up after they’ve had sex and who threw half the covers on the floor. He also can’t remember when Keith brought so many water bottles to the bedroom. Keith says he can’t remember either. He says that, in his memory, they have finished, and then there’s nothing.

Takashi doesn’t recall “finishing” himself but he won’t argue semantics. He can’t sit down without wincing, and, while he doesn’t feel particularly subby anymore, he doesn’t feel like objecting to Keith yet.

Keith looks Takashi’s ass over and hums, looking partly proud and partly apologetic.

Takashi definitely feels proud when he looks at his bruised, swollen ass. He can’t believe he took it all from Keith and didn’t ask for mercy sooner.

“I’ve been good?” he asks, just to be sure.

“Of course, Takashi! The best! I am so lucky to have you!” Keith starts gushing immediately.

It soothes something in Takashi he didn’t know needed soothing.

They hug, and they’re both a little late for work, and Keith sends Takashi horny texts all day long. Takashi can only squirm on his smarting ass in his big chair and wish Keith caged him today.

In the evening, they meet at home (Keith makes sure to be on time) and can’t get enough of each other.

And then, after dinner, they sit in the kitchen and talk. Keith reheats the tea several times, and they go through several packages of butter cookies.

They talk about everything. About their families, about their past hopes and dreams, about everyday disappointments, about adopting a cat. They discuss whether Keith could make an appointment with Takashi’s therapist or if they should look for another. They dispute whether Keith is ready to talk about himself with anyone who’s not Takashi or not yet.

They talk about Keith’s worst foster family.

They talk about Takashi’s worst memories from his time with Adam.

They talk about visiting Lance and Hunk in their flat without prior notice, just to see Lance jump.

They keep talking until it’s past midnight, and there’s still so much to discuss, so much to remember. There are so many things to share with the other that never got their turn.

They could listen to each other indefinitely, and they would, but they both start crashing. They are forced to admit that it’s time to go to bed and snuggle close to sleep.

In the dark, Takashi lies awake and thinks.

Keith is snoring lightly next to him. He’s already hogged both blankets, and he’ll try to steal Takashi’s pillow given half the chance. He is horribly stubborn and hates his greens with passion. He can’t ever refuse help to anyone. He is either too big for this planet or too shy to speak up for himself because he considers himself unworthy.

Keith spent months thinking that Takashi doesn’t love him and still stayed the most caring, loyal person Takashi has ever been close to.

Keith changed Takashi’s life. He accepted parts of Takashi that Takashi was ready to accept in others but never – in himself. It made Takashi forgive himself for all the imperfections in him that he couldn’t get rid of.

Keith is… a gift; one that Takashi intends to cherish forever.

They’ve weathered such a tough route. The changes it brought are unbelievable. Because Takashi at the start of their journey to being a couple and Takashi now? They are two different people. There’s no coming back to what he was – there are only new heights he intends to conquer with Keith by his side.

Takashi always thought that losing Keith would end him. But now he has a sliver of hope that he will be alright even without Keith. It sounds like blasphemy even in Takashi’s mind but it rings true nevertheless.

Keith promised he wouldn’t disappear on Takashi altogether but it’s not what Takashi means right now. Being with Keith taught him how to be a whole person on his own. Keith taught him to love himself. It’s, maybe, the best thing Keith could have done for him.

Keith makes Takashi’s life completely different simply by being in it.

Like now, when Keith throws the whole concept of spacious beds by crowding Takashi and barely letting him breathe.

Takashi pushes Keith, prompting him to turn to his side (even light snoring can get annoying fast), and spoons him.

No more lonely tears for both of them. No more all-encompassing fear; no more quiet desperation that eats at one day and night.

From now on, there’s only going to be this: coziness, trust, and love.

And happiness.

They deserve it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey!  
> And you did it! You read 73k worth of angst, hopeless pining, kink, and true love!  
> Congratulations!
> 
> As you noticed, I made another cover art for the last chapter. Did you notice???))) Did you like it???))) tell meeeee
> 
> To more urgent matters! Thank you so much for sticking with me!  
> I appreciate every comment and every kudo you left. I loved receiving emails from Ao3, opening them, and seeing familiar names in the comment section. It felt great to know that people read every chapter as it came out and worried about my dumb, pretty, exasperating, needy boys.
> 
> A special, giant, enormous, warm and fluffy "thank you" goes to my dear [Nudge](https://archiveofourown.org/users/give_it_a_little_nudge/) for being the supporter that I needed. This fic wouldn't be half as fun without her.
> 
> Please, share your thoughts on the last chapter and, if possible, tell me what you're left with after reading the whole story!
> 
> Thank you again and, hopefully, see you around!  
> Have a good day, everyone!

**Author's Note:**

> Hehey!
> 
> You can read my other Sheith if you’re interested!  
> [Numb](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15063494/)  
> [“Archaic Things” series](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1153721/)  
> [The Key to My Happiness](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21174392/)
> 
> Come to my Twitter! It's [Falka-tyan](https://twitter.com/FalkaTyan/)  
> or my Tumblr: [Falka-tyan](http://falka-tyan.tumblr.com/)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Mare and the Blade](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22676572) by [Falka_tyan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Falka_tyan/pseuds/Falka_tyan)




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